Prince's Best Friend Diaries
by Gabriel Tannin
Summary: Returning home to Genovia seemed less then welcoming when Addison arrived and learned that her Mother had breast cancer, and her childhood friend Prince Benjamin was engaged. Things grow more dramatic as Ben admits feelings for her and a new man appears.
1. Welcome Home

When I was a little girl my Mother used to tell me stories every evening before I went to bed. She made the stories up every night on her own, never depending on a story book or novel. I loved to listen to her calm voice (despite her long day of work) as we were cuddled up in my bed imagining the characters she described. One of the favorite stories she told me was about a young princess and how she fell in love with a lord who was trying to steal her throne. I often requested that story because the lord fell in such passionate love with the princess that he backed out and decided he didn't want the throne. It never dawned on me that my Mother actually knew that story because she had seen it right in front of her eyes as she worked in the palace of Genovia as a maid before Queen Amelia took the throne.

My family had a long history of serving the royal Renaldi blood line. My Mother's was the first in our family to become the Royal Housekeeper. Queen Amelia had chosen her to fulfill the position after the previous housekeeper retired. My Mother took the position just after she gave birth to me. Now, my Mother had never wanted me to become a maid in the palace like she had. She had always told me that she had bigger hopes for me. She wanted me to do whatever I wanted to, even if it was cleaning and cooking in the palace.

I practically grew up in the palace because my Mother was allowed to take me to work everyday. That's how I met and grew very close with Prince Benjamin, the son of Queen Amelia and King Nikolas. He was a very handsome prince, even when we were very young. Tall, dark haired and bright eyed, he was more then charming. He was five years older then me, but still friendly and kind to me. We grew so close that he even defended me from bullies in school, and when we got to primary school took extra care to watch out for me. I think it's fair to say that I've had a crush on him for most of my life, and part of me definitely didn't want to recognize it.

I had fulfilled my Mother's hopes that I wouldn't become a maid in the palace. I went to New York State University, in the United States, and received a double major in sociology and criminal justice with a focus in criminology and a double minor in psychology and women's studies. I had interned with police departments to work and identify criminals. I wanted to be a criminal profiler. I studied and analyzed criminals' actions, behaviors and attitudes; the crimes they committed and their feelings or motivations for the crimes. It was something that I found incredibly interesting and always changing. It was new and exciting and I enjoyed it, despite the horrible things about the world that I learned along the way.

Benjamin and I grew apart a little when I went away to school. He had studied at Oxford before I left for New York, but then continued to study there for a master's degree. We saw each other probably twice a year because I only came home on holidays. I spent most of my summers in New York with my friends. But my senior of college was the worse. Slowly, Benjamin stopped writing to me and returning my phone calls. I often told myself that it was nothing personal. He was working hard and preparing that year to take the throne, and I understood that was very stressful. I had seen the way royals lived and it was not a piece of cake like everyone made it out to be. There were sacrifices that Benjamin would make just so his country wouldn't suffer.

I didn't return home to Genovia until three months after I graduated from school. And that July is really when my own love story begins. I don't know if I would retell my story to children before they went to bed, but perhaps someone someday will be able to tell it right. It's a long journey, as most love stories are, and it is what follows in these pages. My love story is more important then just the relationship I found and kept (still I hold my love dear to me). After I graduated from college my life changed greatly. The months that followed graduation were critical to more then just my love life and were filled with very defining moments. These moments, sad or happy, defined me and the reasons why I love the man that I do today.

"Thomas!" I said in full shock as I stepped out of the airport into the bright summer sunshine that poured down from the blue morning sky. I was a thrown off balance a little by the sun high in the morning sky. The time difference was going to kill me.

A tall man, in his early fifties, with grey hair and dark eyes was leaning against a black limousine with national flags on the corners over the headlights. He stood up straight in his black suit as I walked to him pushing my cart with my bags on it. I stopped and walked around the cart, hugging him tightly.

"Addison, it's so good to see you!"

"I wasn't expecting you to come and get me when Mother said that someone from the palace was going to pick me up."

"She asked a favor of me," he said with a smile. He took my bags and began to load them into the trunk of the car.

"You're not going to make me sit in the back of the limousine by myself are you?" I asked helping him.

"I don't suppose so."

"Well there's so much to talk to you about," I said with a smile as he opened the door for me. I slipped into the front seat of the limousine and waited for him to get behind the wheel.

Thomas was the head of royal security. He and my Mother had known each other since they were young and both had started working for the royal family under Queen Clarisse. Both he and my Mother were very close and I had always looked to Thomas as a Father like figure to me. I had never known my Father. My Mother told me he left when I was very young because he didn't approve of her taking the position as housekeeper. I never really had a desire to know him. Thomas had always been there for me and my Mother.

"How was your flight?"

"Cramped, hot and boring," I said. He nodded.

"As most flights are."

"How would you know? Don't you usually fly with her majesty or his highness?"

Thomas smiled and shrugged. "Fair enough Addison."

"So, why couldn't Mother come pick me up? She didn't give me a reason on the phone."

"She's busy overseeing the set up for Prince Benjamin's engagement party for tomorrow night," he said. I blinked and looked at Thomas with very serious eyes.

"His highness is engaged?" I questioned with a dryness in my throat that had not been there a moment before. My heart skipped a beat as Thomas's face fell a little and he glanced at me.

"He didn't tell you?"

I looked out the window and sighed.

"Why would he?" I whispered. "We haven't spoken in a while. He stopped writing after Christmas."

"He's been busy preparing to take the crown, and now with his engagement."

"Who's the lucky lady?"

"Lady Marie Keller."

I sighed.

"The Queen would like to speak to you once we arrive," said Thomas changing the subject. I looked at him.

"About what?"

"I don't know that," he said with a small smile. "She simply said tha she would like to come see her first before anything else."

I nodded.

"Alright," I said. "I didn't realize we were going to the palace."

"Your Mother is living there now," Thomas looked at me while we were stopped at a light. "She said you'd be staying there with her."

"When did she move into the palace?"

"Three months ago."

I frowned slightly.

"She never mentioned it."

Thomas frowned slightly and I could tell there was something wrong. There was something he knew that he couldn't tell me, or wouldn't tell me. I knew it was pointless to pester him about whatever it was because he was the Head of Security. He wouldn't give in to my poking and prodding that easily. So, I didn't bother asking. But as we pulled onto the grounds of the palace I had a horrible feeling in my stomach.

I opened the door quickly once the car had stopped and stepped onto the gravel drive.

"Hello Addison," said Carol, Queen Amelia's personal assistant. "Welcome home."

"Hi there Carol," I said looking up at the palace. "I didn't know I'd be calling this home." I forced a smile as Thomas unloaded the bags. I went to help him but he stopped.

"Go see the Queen," he whispered.

"If you'll follow me Addison," said Carol. I thanked Thomas and followed Carol up the steps into the palace. I looked around with a small smile. The place hadn't changed since I was here last Christmas. "The Queen is waiting for you in her office. We've missed you a lot around here Addison."

"Thanks Carol," I said. "I've missed being here a lot. It's good to be back."

Queen Amelia was waiting for me in her office. She was reading something at her desk, and as Carol announced me, she stood up and moved around the desk to greet me. She was not an old woman. She was still young, in her late forties. She looked beautiful with dark brown hair and soft calm brown eyes.

I bowed to the Queen of Genovia as she approached me. As I stood up straight she hugged me tightly and I hugged her in return.

"Addison," she beamed. "It's so good to see you. Please sit down."

She motioned to the couches in front of her desk. I sat down slowly as she sat down across from me. She was smiling slightly but I could see the sadness in her eyes that had been in Thomas's. There was that same tint of having to tell me something but not wanting to.

"How have you been?" she asked.

"Just fine," I said with a forced smile. "Happy to be home. Thomas and Carol said you wanted to speak to me? Is something the matter?"

"I don't think I'd say that there is something wrong," Amelia said slowly. "I wanted to speak to you about two things."

"Yes?"

"Firstly," she said slowly. "Benjamin will be taken the throne soon, as you know, and he and I both are looking to add another member to the staff here. Benjamin's first thought was you."

"What's the position?" I asked very slowly.

"Part of the social issues department," she said. "We're looking for someone who would be interested in tracking crime and crime prevention."

"Genovia is one of the safest countries in the world," I said with some confusion. "Why would you be looking for someone to work in that field?"

"Well they'd be required to study more then just crime and crime prevention," Amelia said running her hand through her hair. "But the crime rate has gone up slightly. I don't like that and I want to know why."

"Well there could be any number of reasons."

"Does that mean you'll take the job?" she asked with a small smirk at me.

I laughed slightly.

"I'll consider it," I spoke softly. "What else did you want to speak to me about?"

Amelia's smile fell and I felt my heart skip a beat again. Something_ was_ wrong.

"I wanted to speak to you about your Mother," she whispered looking me in the eye.

"What about her?" I asked nervously.

"Addison," Amelia said my name slowly. "You know how your Mother is a very stubborn person. She knows what she wants and gets it, and once she's made a decision it's nearly impossible to change it. That's one of the reasons why I love her so much and wanted her in the position she is now. She's a good person and she gets things down, but that damned stubbornness…well, it's not her best quality."

"I'm afraid I don't understand your Majesty," I said looking at her with concern.

"Your Mother has breast cancer," whispered Amelia. "She didn't want you to know, and I'm sure she'll never forgive me for telling you, but I believe you had a right to know. She won't go back to the doctors."

My whole world seemed to freeze. My heart stopped pumping for a second and the only thing I could do was blink. I rubbed my head quickly and looked back at my Queen.

"How long ago was she diagnosed?" I whispered with a numb feeling taking over my body.

"Three months ago."

I frowned and sighed. That's why she had moved into the palace.

"And how bad is it?"

"It was in the final stage when they found it. After being diagnosed she refused treatment. I've spoken with my private physician and he said since its in such a late stage its hard to say if anything can be done, especially if she's refusing treatment."

"Has she said why?"

"No," Amelia shook her head. "I love your Mother very much. She is a dear friend and I look at her as a sister practically. You are like my own daughter Addison. It hurts me to see her this way."

"Is she still working?"

"She's training someone to take over her position, but she refuses not to work. To be honest she looks quite amazing, at first glance I wouldn't know she's ill, but you can see it in her eyes. She's becoming more and more exhausted."

I sighed and nodded my head.

"I'll speak with her," I whispered.

"If there is anyone who can get through to her it's you," Amelia forced a smile. "Come here." She opened her arms and I leaned into them, resting my head on her shoulder. "We'll get through this Addison. All of us."

I nodded against her and pulled out of her arms.

"Thank you Majesty," I said. "If you'll excuse me."

"Of course," Amelia stood up as I did. "I'll see you later."

I nodded.

"Good afternoon."

I walked out of the office and felt shivers run through my body. This was not something I was prepared for. How could my Mother have breast cancer and not tell me? I blinked and rubbed my head as I wondered down the hallway on autopilot. I knew these hallways like the back of my hand, but it dawned on me as I walked that I had no idea where my Mother's suite was. But at that moment it didn't seem to matter, I was just walking. It was all I could do so not to break down and cry.

A door opened suddenly and a tall dark man came out of it, colliding into me. Prince Benjamin threw his arms out and grabbed me around the waist, holding me close against his strong body to prevent me from falling.

"Addison!" he said in shock. I pulled out of his arms slowly noticing that his arms and hands lingered. Did he not want to let me go?

"Sorry your Highness I wasn't looking where I was going."

"Since when do you call me 'highness'?" he asked with a dashing smile.

I felt my heart flutter and I had to remind myself that he was engaged.

His smiled turned to a frown and he lifted my chin.

"What's the matter?"

"I just found out my Mother has breast cancer," I whispered.

"Oh," he said. He pulled me against him and hugged me close. "I'm sorry about that Addison."

"I just don't understand why she didn't tell me."

"I'm sure she had her reasons."

"Doesn't mean they're right."

He smiled a little.

"Touché." He kissed my forehead. "I'm sure everything will be fine."

"She's dying Ben," I whispered. "How is that going to be fine?"

He titled my chin up.

"Dying is a part of life," he shrugged. "From my understanding your Mother's cancer is in the late stages. I think she'd rather die this way then having to deal with chemo and the treatment. Perhaps she thinks it's not worth it. If it's in such a late state and she's going to die anyways, what's the point?"

I frowned and nodded.

"That's probably what she's thinking exactly."

He pinched my cheek.

"It's good to have you home Addison, despite the circumstances," he said hugging me.

"Do you know where she's staying?" I asked.

"The Lexington suite downstairs," he said. I nodded.

"Thank you."

"Are you going to be staying with us?"

"I don't have anywhere else to go," I whispered.

"That isn't necessarily a bad thing."

I forced a smile.

"I know," I said.

"I've missed you."

"You stopped writing me."

He laughed a little.

"You never called me. What makes it my responsibility to call or write you?"

"Well I wanted you to call me."

"Maybe I wanted you to call me," he said poking me in the side playfully.

"Shut up," I said. He laughed and began to tickle me in the stomach. "Ah no Ben!" He laughed and tickled me more.

"Benjamin?"

Benjamin stopped suddenly and we both stood up straight. A thin, tanned woman was standing in the hallway about ten feet from us. I frowned at her blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

"Ah, Marie," he said going to her instantly. I saw a brightness in his face that was vaguely familiar and my stomach turned a little. He was no longer looking at me, all attention was on Marie. He wrapped his arm around her waist like he had around mine only a few moments ago and kissed her cheek affectionately. She smiled up at him and I saw something in her eyes that bothered me. I couldn't place anything, but there was something there that made my spidey senses tingle. Or was I just jealous? I frowned and rubbed my cheeks making sure I didn't have tears on them.

"Marie, I want you to meet my best friend Addison Belle," he said motioning to me and bringing his darling fiancée closer. "Addison, this is my fiancée Lady Marie."

I bowed my head a little and looked at her holding out my hand.

"It's a pleasure Lady Marie," I said. "Congratulations on your engagement."

"Thank you," she beamed. "It's nice to put a face to the infamous Addison. Benjamin talks about you often."

"Funny," I said. "He's never mentioned you." It was cruel, but true. Benjamin frowned and me and shook his head. "Why didn't you tell me you were engaged?"

"Never got the chance," he said. "And I wanted to tell you in person."

"Oh," I said with a smile. "Well Lady Marie it was a pleasure to meet you. If you'll both excuse me, your Highness." I bowed to Benjamin and walked away slowly. He was going to say something but I turned away too quickly for him to say something.

I walked down the hallway heading back to the main staircase. My heart was thumping in my chest and I was angry at myself for saying such a thing to Lady Marie. It really was rude. I told myself I'd get over it. I had bigger things to worry about then Benjamin's engagement. I had my Mother to worry about.

It was obvious that she hadn't wanted to tell me about her cancer. I figured she didn't want to worry me. She knew she was going to die; she was diagnosed in the final stage. If she had told me three months ago I would have left when finals were over. I wouldn't have stuck around for commencements; I wouldn't have waited until July to come home. I would have been on the first plane back to be with her. A sudden wave of guilt swept over me. She didn't want me to know because she didn't want me to change my plans. She was keeping this a secret because of me.

I reached the Lexington suite and knocked softly on the door. When no one answered I opened it and stepped in. I smiled a little. It was a nice room. Looking around, the suite had a sitting room with a desk and chair, couches and coffee table and an arm chair. There was a king size bed in a far corner with curtains hanging around it. Branching off of the sleeping area was a large walk in closet (nothing compared to the size of Benjamin's…Yes, I had been in his closet). In the living room a brown oak door lead into a large bathroom with a marble tub, and glass shower big enough for five people to fit in. Across from the bathroom was another door and opening it up I found another small bedroom. All of my bags were on top of the bed here.

I moved forward, and not sure what to do with myself, began to unpack. I put all of my clothes in the dress and small closet and then hid my suitcases in it too. I laid on the bed and stared up at the detailed ceiling. My body was still numb, and as I laid there I began to cry.


	2. A Dress

"Addison," a voice from far a way whispered. "Addison."

Someone was shaking me. My eyes blinked open and I sighed as I rolled over into my Mother's hip. I smiled and sat up slowly, hugging her tightly still half asleep.

"Hi Mom," I said with a smile and looked at her. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too Missy," she said brushing my hair. "Recovering from jet lag?"

"Yea," I whispered. I rubbed my eyes and looked around the room. "You didn't tell me you moved in here?"

"It's easier to train my replacement this way."

"And after she replaces you?"

"Amelia is letting me stay here," my Mother said standing up as I got out of the bed. She began to make the bed instantly and I couldn't help but smile. "She's letting you stay here too."

"Only because she's offering me a job."

"She talked to you about that?"

"Yea," I nodded looking in the mirror that hung over my dresser. I brushed my hair and tied it back in a ponytail.

"Are you going to take it?"

"I don't know," I whispered. "It's not really what I want to do."

"Well you're not going to be able to be a criminal profiler in Genovia. I don't think we really have a need for one."

"Maybe we do," I said looking at her in the mirror. I shrugged. "I don't know. I'd be paid a ridiculous amount of money to do practically nothing. I can tell you right now why our crime rate is going up."

"Why?"

"Poverty rate is up," I whispered. "People need to live somehow. I'm sure there's more to it then that, but it's just my educated guess."

My Mother nodded slowly.

"Did you tell the Queen that?"

"No," I whispered. "She wanted to talk to me about more important things." My Mother stopped making the bed and looked at me.

"Like what?" she asked.

"Prince Benjamin's engagement," I lied flatly. I lied so well I frightened myself. I watched my Mother in the mirror as she sighed and continued to make the bed.

"I'm sorry baby," she said looking at me. "I know how you felt about him."

I shrugged and forced a smile.

"I would be a fool to think that a prince would ever marry a commoner."

"This is the twenty first century Addison," she said coming up behind me. "He can very well marry you."

"It doesn't matter," I said with a shrug. "I don't love him like I used to."

I was telling myself that was true, but part of me knew I was lying even if I wouldn't admit it. It had been easier to believe my lie in New York where Benjamin wasn't, but now that I was back home…well it made lying to myself even harder.

My Mother hugged me from behind.

"You'll find someone who will make you happy someday Addison," she said. "I'm sure of it."

My Mother had often encouraged true love into my life. She had always said positive things about love and I had always wondered why. My Father had left her, and she had loved him. How could she have such a positive opinion of love when it had stabbed her in the back?

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

"Yea," I said. "What's to eat?"

"No idea," she smiled and took my hand. "Let's go find out."

That evening I had trouble sleeping and I knew why. Despite how tired I was I couldn't stop thinking about how I had lied to my Mother. I had decided as we caught up over dinner that I wasn't going to tell her I knew about her breast cancer. Part of me felt bad, I had told Queen Amelia I would talk to her. But I couldn't. Benjamin had been right when he said that my Mother had reasons not to tell me. She was trying to protect me and I wished to respect her will.

I could see the pain in her, but at the same time she was somehow pushing through it. She was still going strong and I knew that she wasn't going to go down with a fight. I realized that she knew she was going to die and she'd rather die with dignity, looking the way she did, then with chemo treatments and lying in a hospital bed. It was difficult sometimes to watch her and not jump to her aid when she needed help. If I did so I'd give myself away.

Unfortunately at dinner the day I had returned my Mother tried to talk me into going to Prince Benjamin's engagement party. I felt a bad going when I wasn't invited, but the next day when I was helping my Mother with some of the decorations in the Ball Room, Queen Amelia made a point to speak to me about the ball. She was shocked that I was even considering not going.

"You're like family Addison," Queen Amelia said to me as I lifted up a large flower pot. "Why wouldn't you be welcome?"

I looked around the pot in my hands at the Queen and frowned slightly. Maybe my feelings for Benjamin weren't as obvious as my Mother had made them yesterday.

"I just didn't want to come uninvited," I whispered. "I didn't want to be rude."

"Don't be silly. Ben wants you there."

"I don't know if I have anything to wear."

"You can borrow one of Lady Marie's dresses," she suggested. "You're about her size."

"I think I'm actually bigger," I whispered with a sigh. "Thank you your Majesty, but really its okay."

I moved away from her and placed the flower pot where my Mother had told me to put it on the patio. Only twenty more flower pots to go, I thought. I turned and was somewhat surprised to see Queen Amelia right behind me; she smiled and put her hands on my shoulders. I saw my Mother laughing a little on the other side of the ballroom and frowned. They both were working together no doubt.

"Please come Addison," Amelia asked me. She brushed my cheek gently. "It will mean so much to me, your Mother and Ben."

"What would?" asked Ben's strong voice as he approached us. He kissed his Mother's cheek affectionately as he smiled warmly.

"Addison coming to the engagement ball," said Amelia to her six foot two son. "It would be important to you, wouldn't it?"

I frowned deeply as Benjamin smiled at me.

"It would mean the world to me, Addy," he smiled and pinched my cheek.

Why did he have to touch me so softly? And why did he have to call me by the nickname he had made for me? He was the only one who ever called me Addy. Part of me wondered if he was just calling me it to get me to go; to twist my arm and make me go out of guilt.

"If you'll excuse me," said Queen Amelia as my Mother called her over. "Ben, don't let her get out of it."

He nodded.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

I rolled my eyes as Queen Amelia walked away. Benjamin raised his brow at me and frowned slightly.

"What's the matter?"

I shrugged.

"Why does my Mother have to talk you into coming to my engagement part? You're my best friend Addy, I want you there."

"I know Benjamin," I whispered back. "But I don't have a dress."

"That's the best you've got?" he asked helping me with the flowered pots.

"You don't have to do that."

"Don't be silly," he said. "I'm not incapable of lifting things."

"I can fix that."

We both smiled.

"Seriously, Addison," he said standing up straight. "Do you not like Marie?"

"I never said that."

Benjamin looked at me very seriously.

"You don't have to," he whispered. He didn't look bothered by the fact that I didn't appear to like his fiancée. He walked away to the pots and I followed him quickly.

"Alright," I said as we both picked up pots. "I guess I just don't think it's appropriate."

"Not appropriate for my best friend to be at my engagement party," he said slowly. "Do explain…"

"Well," I said. He shook his head with a laugh and walked away. "Would you listen!?"

"Anything that starts with 'well' isn't a good reason," he said setting down his pot. I set mine down quickly and put my hands on my hips.

"If you'd stop and listen to me, maybe I'd have a good reason," I snapped.

He smiled and took my arm, leading me outside onto the patio. The sun was beaming down in bright rays, making the air warm and relaxing. He lead me to a bench on the patio and sat down.

"Alright," he said. "I'm listening."

"I don't think it's a good idea for me to go to your engagement party when it is obvious that your fiancée feels threatened by me."

"You've met her once," he said sitting up straight and crossing his arms over his chest. "And what is there to be threatened by? We'd never do anything together."

"Doesn't change the fact that we did," I muttered.

"That's in our past, Addy," he said quickly. "We were young, and it's behind us. Marie understands that you're my best friend and I trust you. She isn't threatened by you."

"It's just something other women can tell."

"Maybe you want her to be threatened."

"Maybe I do," I retorted in defense. He looked at me with a smile.

"I don't think it's anything to worry about," he said seriously. "Please, will you come? Mother will no doubt have a dress picked out for you by now. It really would mean a lot to me Addison."

"Alright," I sighed. "I'll go. But for your sake there had better be some attractive men there for me to dance with."

"Yea," he nodded. "Some of my friends from Oxford are coming for the weekend."

"Oh goodie," I said as we both stood up. "Frat boys."

He laughed as we walked back into the ballroom. My Mother and his were still talking quickly, looking around the ballroom and pointing to banners and flowers hanging around.

"Where is Marie?" I asked. "Shouldn't she be curious about what her engagement party is going to look like?"

"She had to go to Paris for the day. She'll be back around five to get ready for the ball."

"What does she do?"

"She doesn't have a job Addison," he whispered. "She's nobility."

"Oh, right," I said. "I forgot."

"Addison," called my Mother. "Can you help me with some of these ribbons?"

"Yea Mom," I said back. Queen Amelia had disappeared from her side. I glanced at Benjamin. "I'll see you later."

"I'll talk to my Mother about a dress for you."

"You don't have to do that."

"If I don't, you won't show up tonight."

"Damn," I whispered. "You know me too well."

"Yea," he agreed and laughed. "Meet you in your room in an hour?"

"Sure."

After I finished helping my Mother with the decorations in the ballroom, I stopped in the kitchen for a bagel sandwich and cranberry juice then headed up to my Mother's suite where my room was. I was slightly surprised to see Benjamin on the couch in my Mother's suite, sitting reading a magazine.

"How'd you get in here?"

"Your Mother let me in," he said standing up and throwing his magazine on the couch. He walked over to my Mother's bed and lifted up a white dress on a hanger. I couldn't help but smile at it. It was a beautiful white ball gown with roses detailed into the white material. Looking at it more closely I saw the roses were beaded, and the white material glittery.

"I'm going to look like such a girl," I said taking the dress from him.

"You'll look beautiful. Try it on."

"Why now?"

"I want to see it on you?" Benjamin said like I was asking a dumb question. "See if it looks good. My Mother gave me a few of them for you. Want to find the right one for all the guys to go nuts over you in."

"How will I introduce myself?" I asked going to my bedroom and leaving the door opened as I changed so we could talk. "Aren't these kinds of parties only filled with noblemen?"

"I told you I invited some of my friends from school," he said from a distance. "Just introduce yourself as Addison Belle, Prince Ben's best friend."

"Oh okay," I said. "Benjamin, I need you to zip me."

I came out of my bedroom holding the dress against my breast because it was strapless and wouldn't stay on me until it was zipped. Benjamin smiled at me as I turned my back to him. He hands were warm against my skin as he zipped my dress up.

"Nice panties," he whispered.

I frowned and turned around to him sharply.

"You shouldn't be looking at my panties."

He shrugged.

"Nothing I haven't seen before."

I hit his shoulder and he grabbed my wrist with quick reflexes.

"Are you this flirtious with all women or just me?"

"Just you."

"Lady Marie is missing out."

"She doesn't like that kind of stuff."

"Flirting?"

"Or public displays of affection," he shrugged. "It's better that way. I should behave myself in front of the public."

"You should behave yourself behind closed doors too," I said taking a step back and turning around slowly. "How does it look?"

He was silently for a few moments and I stopped turning to face him. I put my hands on my hips and then tucked my hair behind my ears.

"I don't know," he said tilting his head to the side. I could see in his eyes that he liked it a lot. I liked it a lot too. It fit my body perfectly, and lifted my breast high to be seen. I felt like a bit of a princess in it. I had never dressed up for anything like this before. "I think you should try on the others."

"You just want to see my panties again."

He smirked and stood up straight, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Honestly," he said. "It's looks beautiful."

"Thanks," I said smiling. "Do you think the other guys will like it?"

"If they don't they're not a warm blooded male of the human species," he said.

I laughed a little.

"Thanks Benjamin."

"Why don't you call me Ben?"

"I like Benjamin."

He nodded.

"Thanks for the dress."

"Sure," he said picking up his magazine. "I'll see you tonight at the party. Marie should be here soon and I promised I'd meet her for a walk before the party. She wants to talk…"

"About?"

"No idea," he whispered.

"Benjamin," I said seriously as he headed for the door. He stopped and looked at me. "Do you really love her?"

"Yes," he said with a smile. "She's everything I wish I could be."

I nodded and forced a smile.

"I'm happy for you." Another lie that I scared myself with.

He smiled at me.

"Thanks Addy."

He left after that, closing the suite door tightly behind him. I frowned slightly and sat down on my Mother's couch, putting my feet up on the coffee table. I frowned at the sight of my bare feet. I didn't have any shoes to wear.


	3. The Ball

At nine o'clock my Mother knocked on my door and opened

At nine o'clock my Mother knocked on my door and opened. She sighed at me as she walked into the bedroom, smiling and looking at me in the mirror. I smiled back at her.

"You look so beautiful Addison," she said in her blue dress. I turned to her and smiled broadly.

"Thanks," I said. "Do you think my hair looks okay?"

"Let me just pin this curl that you missed back," she said. I turned around again as she reached over and picked up a bobby pin off the dresser. She slowly and carefully pinned my loose curl up into my mess of other curls. "There. Did you want those roses in your hair?"

"Do you think that won't look too tacky?"

"No," she said honestly. "They match your dress perfectly. Queen Amelia found it for you?"

"I actually think his Highness picked it out."

My Mother didn't say anything as she put the red roses into my hair with pins. I bit my bottom lip and stood up straight when she was done. She stood next to me and smiled. Her blue dress highlighted her cleavage, and thin waist. A large bow was on her lower back, leading down the long skirt of the dress. My Mother used to get dressed up and go to parties for the Queen all the time. It was not something I was used to though. I was a little nervous to be honest.

"You found shoes?"

"I spoke to Carol," I said lifting my dress and showing my white heels to my Mother. "Who would have guess we're the same size?" We both laughed and my Mother walked out of the bedroom.

"You're actually a little late."

"That's okay," I said. "As long as we're there before Benjamin and Lady Marie I suppose its okay."

"They were supposed to enter at eight thirty," she said as we left the bedroom. "I left a little bit before that to go check on the kitchen and then came up here to get you. Sorry if we missed them already."

"It's okay," I said with some relief. I was actually happy I didn't have to endure the official announcement of Benjamin and Lady Marie's engagement. "I'll just slip in and all will be well. Don't worry."

Part of me wondered if my Mother had come and gotten me a little late on purpose. I didn't ask though. We arrived in the ballroom faster then I expected and my breath caught in my chest as we walked into the glowing room. It was a beautiful sight.

"Mom," I said looking at her. "You've really out done yourself."

"It's worth it," she said with a smile. "Benjamin is like a son to me and I want the best for him. Plus, Joann, the woman I'm training, did most of the planning. She's quite good at planning large parties."

I nodded and we entered into the large crowded ballroom, disappearing in with the people all around us. My Mother found Thomas and we spoke with him for a few moments before I spotted Benjamin and Lady Marie on the opposite side of the ballroom. I decided I'd better go say hi. I excused myself from my Mother and Thomas and walked across the room slowly towards Benjamin.

As I walked, I didn't see it coming, but I ran straight into someone who caught me around the waist.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I said standing up straight and fixing my dress. "I didn't see you coming."

"It's alright," said the gentleman's voice. I looked up and couldn't help but smile at his dusty blonde hair falling in front of his crystal blue eyes. "I was distracted myself." He smiled. "I must say though running into you is a pleasant way to be brought back to reality."

I smiled and bowed my head.

"We should run into each other more often."

"I agree," he said. "I do get distracted often."

"If you'll excuse me."

"Don't be surprised if we bump into each other again."

I smiled. "I will be sorely disappointed if we don't."

I turned and walked away towards Benjamin who was still standing in the same spot. He spotted me as I approached through the crowd and smiled. When I reached him I bowed to him and Lady Marie.

"I've been looking for you," he said quickly.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I lost you in the crowd."

He nodded slowly.

"Hello Addison," said Marie. She looked gorgeous in a thin, straight, gold dress that was tight across her small breast and skinny waist. Her hair was down, straight and pinned back to be out of her face. She had a small tiara on her head and looked like a true princess. I frowned a little and then forced a smile.

"Congratulations again," I said kissing Benjamin's cheek and then Marie's. "I suppose we're going to have to be very close friends, Lady Marie."

"Yes, I suppose so," she said dully. She leaned against Benjamin and he wrapped his arm around her waist, holding her tightly. I blinked at her and then looked at Benjamin.

"What a party," I said looking around. "Are all of these people nobles?"

"Most of them," said Benjamin with a nod. "Parliament, Mother's family, Father's family, noblemen that Mother wanted to invite…Marie's family and friends."

"Who are all noble," Marie pointed out.

I nodded.

"Oh, Addy," Benjamin said. He didn't seem to hear Marie's comment like I had. I looked at him with a small smile. "There's someone I want you to meet."

He looked around the crowd quickly and then spotted someone he was looking for.

"I'll be right back," he said. "Keep each other company."

He walked off before Marie or I could object. I could tell she wasn't very happy about being left alone with me. I forced a smile.

"Where'd you get your dress?"

"Bea Das," she said looking down at it. "She's a personal friend of my Mother's. She designed this one and my wedding dress for me as a wedding gift."

"That was nice of her," I said slowly nodding my head.

"Who designed yours?"

"I don't know," I said looking down at it. "Benjamin picked it out for me."

I looked at her and forced a smile. That probably wasn't the best choice of words, but I decided I didn't care. If she was going to brag about her Bea Whoever designer dress I was most certainly going to brag about her fiancée picking mine out.

She just glared at me and turned to face another direction, taking a champagne glass from a passing waiter.

"Addy," said Benjamin returning. He had the handsome man that I had run into with him. "This is my friend from Oxford Jeremy. Jeremy, this is Addison."

Jeremy beamed at me.

"Told you we'd bump into each other again," he said taking my hand and kissing it. I felt my cheeks blushing with out control. I had never been kissed on the hand like that before. It was incredibly romantic.

"It's a pleasure Jeremy," I said with a smile. "But I don't think this counts as bumping into."

He smiled and nodded.

"Close enough I think."

"Jeremy, you remember my fiancée Lady Marie," said Benjamin drawing attention to his golden trophy. Jeremy smiled and bowed to Lady Marie. He took her gloved hand and also kissed it gently. The notion was less romantic to me now that he had done it to her too.

"A pleasure to see you again my Lady," he said with a smile.

"You also Jeremy," she said.

"Jeremy, Addison is a sociology and criminal justice double major," Benjamin said. I felt like he was forcing me and Jeremy together.

"Really?" said Jeremy with a smile. "I'm a criminal justice major. I'm currently training to be an investigator."

"That's cool," I said slowly. "I'm not really doing anything with my degree at the moment. Just got home yesterday from school actually."

"That's why Benjamin had to find you a dress then?" Marie said. "You don't have the money to buy one?"

I blinked at her for only a few moments and then looked at Benjamin, who again, seemed not to hear what his darling little fiancée had said. He was looking at a man who was approaching him quickly. Jeremy had heard what Marie had said and he was frowning deeply.

"Would you like to get a drink, Addison?"

"I'd love one," I said. He offered his arm and I took it.

"If you'll excuse us," said Jeremy politely. I had no means to be polite and said nothing as we walked away. Jeremy looked back over his shoulder as we moved to the bar were there were more drinks being served. "What a nasty woman."

"You agree?" I said once we reached the bar. I looked at the bar tender. "Do you have anything stronger then champagne back there?"

"No Miss," he said with a French accent. "Sorry."

"I'll have a coke then," I said.

He nodded and poured me a soda quickly.

Jeremy took some champagne and suggested we go out into the gardens. I decided I needed some fresh air after what that arrogant little bimbo had said to me.

"Do you know how they met?" Jeremy asked once we were out in the quiet, romantically light, gardens.

"No," I whispered. "I didn't even know they were engaged until yesterday when I landed at the airport."

"Aren't you Ben's best friend?"

"So it would seem," I whispered. "We grew apart when I went away to college."

"You just graduated?"

I nodded.

"I didn't realize you were that much younger then Ben and myself," he said. "He mentioned you a great deal. Always said he'd never hook you up with me though."

"You wanted to meet me?"

"Saw a picture of you one day on Ben's computer," Jeremy laughed. "Thought you were cute. Ben never told me why he was so protective of you."

"My age?"

"Yea, that'd be my guess," said Jeremy.

"Wasn't very protective of me today," I said glancing back at the glowing ballroom. We were walking farther into the gardens. I didn't care I really just wanted to get away from the damned party. I couldn't believe I had let Benjamin talk me into coming. I knew something like this was going to happen.

"He never hears Marie's flaws," Jeremy said.

"You've known them as a couple that long?"

"Benjamin met Marie our second year at Oxford."

I glanced up at Jeremy. He was about the same height as Benjamin.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty seven," he said. I nodded my head. He was the same age as Benjamin. "And you?"

"Twenty three," I whispered.

"Would you like to sit down?"

"Sure."

We sat down on a bench slowly.

"Where do you live Jeremy?"

"London," he said. "Benjamin invited me out here for the weekend. I'm staying until Tuesday."

"Long weekend," I said with a soft smile.

"It's the only vacation I'm going to get for awhile," he said. "I figured I'd take advantage of it."

"As I would have."

"You live in the palace?"

"Only currently," I said.

"Do elaborate," Jeremy smiled.

"My Mother lives here," I said. "And I have no where else to go right now."

Jeremy nodded.

"I have my own flat in London."

"I would hope," I smiled at him.

"You have a beautiful smile."

"You already knew that."

"I wanted to let you know."

"Thank you," I smiled more studying his crystal blue eyes. Jeremy was staring at me too and making me melt slowly. He was an extremely handsome man, and he had yet to give me a reason to think of him as anything but a gentleman. He reached out slowly and stroked my cheek.

"Ben would never forgive me if I kissed you," he whispered.

"Why should he care?" I whispered back. "I'm a big girl…I can take care of myself."

Jeremy smiled.

"You sure?" he asked brushing loose curls behind my ear. His fingers tickled my skin as they moved down my neck to my bare shoulder…across my collar bone…and softly…daringly over my cleavage. He barely touched my flesh but it was enough to send jolts through my body.

"Maybe I could use some help," I smiled.

He smiled more and leaned in, kissing me deeply with cool gentle lips. I closed my eyes as he wrapped my body in his arms, holding me against his chest and slowly kissing me more. I had to give him credit, he was an amazing kisser. He lowered his head to my neck and began to suck lightly. I giggled a little, like a twelve year old girl, and pulled away.

"I don't think we should go that far just yet," I whispered.

He nodded.

"You're right," he said then stood up. "Can I ask you to come back inside with me and dance?"

"Of course, I'd love to," I smiled taking his hand.

He led me back inside and we moved onto the dance floor where other couples were dancing closely together. I was surprised to see my Mother and Thomas dancing slowly to the music. I didn't pay too much attention to it though as Jeremy wrapped his arm around me and placed his hand on my lower back. I put my hand on his shoulder and he began to lead us in a slow waltz.

"You really do look beautiful," he said.

"Thank you."

"But I think I prefer the tee shirts and jeans from that picture Ben had," he smiled. "Looked more natural."

"I agree," I said. "I've never dressed up for anything like this before."

"Really?"

"Yea," I said.

"I was in a band when we were in college," he said. "Played gigs at weddings and parties like this. Had to wear a tux."

"Sounds sexy," I complimented. "What do you play?"

"Guitar."

"Do you sing?"

"Of course."

"Alright," I laughed. "Do you sing well?"

He laughed and nodded.

"Yes, I was the wedding singer."

I laughed.

"That's a good movie."

"With Adam Sandler, right?"

"Yep," I smiled. "One of my favorite actors."

"He is pretty good."

I nodded and stepped a little closer to him. We danced for the next few moments in a calm silence, just close to each other and enjoying the other's presences. Jeremy stepped back suddenly and stopped. I stopped and looked up to see Benjamin standing next to Jeremy.

"May I interrupt?" he asked with a smile.

"Of course," said Jeremy. He bowed to me and I bowed in return.

"Thanks Jeremy," said Benjamin patting his friend on the shoulder as he walked away. I watched Jeremy as he walked away and slowly bowed to Benjamin.

"Your Highness," I said softly.

He lifted my chin and smiled at me.

"Come here," he said motioning for me to come close to him. He took my hand and my waist gently and shivers crawled through my body. I looked up at him with a small smile. "How are you?"

"Oh, fine," I said.

Benjamin glanced in Jeremy's direction.

"You seem more then fine."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No of course not," he said quickly. "How do you like Jeremy?"

"He's a gentleman," I smiled. "Because he's afraid of you."

Benjamin laughed a little as we spun around the room.

"Why is that?"

"Thinks you're protective of me."

"He wanted to meet you when we were in college. You were a freshman in high school. I wasn't going to let my horny bastard of a friend meet you when you were still young and innocent."

I looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"I lost my virginity when I was a sophomore for goodness sakes," I said. "And I do believe that we had some good times when you came home from school my senior year."

"That was different."

"How?" I said. "You were a horny bastard then."

I looked up in his eyes and saw a glimmer of something I hadn't seen in a long time, not since I was a senior in high school.

"You were more to me then a one night stand."

"I don't think this a good time to be talking about that," I whispered.

Benjamin nodded his head and frowned.

"I'm sorry."

I didn't say anything as the song ended. We bowed to each other and Benjamin hugged me.

"I'm happy you're home Addy," he said. "I need you here."

I laughed a little.

"Why?"

Benjamin looked around him at the crowd of people.

"Do you want to go outside?"

I blinked a little. Of course I wanted to go outside and listen to Benjamin talk. But what would people think if they saw Benjamin and me going out into the gardens? What would Marie think or accuse me of?

"I don't know if it's a good idea Benjamin," I whispered slowly.

"Don't be silly," he said taking my hand. "I want to talk to you."

I didn't argue and followed him out into the gardens. I couldn't believe that only a few moments ago I had been out here making out with Jeremy. I knew I wouldn't be lucky enough to make out with Benjamin too…all in the same night.

Benjamin led me to a bench on the patio and we sat down slowly.

"I doubt you need me here Benjamin," I whispered. "I don't know why you would."

"Because Addy," he said. "You're my best friend. I'm getting married in four months and I'm going to be King soon after that. That's a lot to take in over a short amount of time."

"Yea," I nodded in agreement. I thought about how my best friend, whom I still had strong romantic feelings for (even if I wouldn't fully admit it to myself), was getting married and my Mother was dying of cancer. I think my problems out weighed Benjamin's, but I didn't say that out loud.

"You've always been there for me Addy and I haven't always been there for you," he said. "You listen and you're strong. I don't know how you do some of the things you do."

"What do I do?" I asked. "I went to school over seas. That's the extent of my adventurous side."

"You grew up with out a Father," Benjamin whispered. "Even though love destroyed and betrayed your Mother you've never given up on it…even though I ruined love for you, you still haven't given up on it. You're incredibly optimistic for someone in your line of work who sees death and murders everyday."

"I don't have a job," I whispered. "And Benjamin what's the point of all this? I don't understand how that makes you need me here."

"You give me strength," he said squeezing my hands. "You are my _best_ friend, Addy. I don't know how I can describe it any other way. I want you here for everything I'm going to go through. I need your help and support."

I squeezed his hands in return and smiled.

"I know," I whispered. "And I want to be here for anything you need me for."

_I just wish I was here as more then your best friend, _I added in my head. I frowned slightly at my thoughts as I leaned forward and kissed Benjamin's cheek softly.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too," he said in a different tone then I had. It was a more friendly tone. I don't think he realized how serious I was when I said those three words. Not that it mattered, I reminded myself. He was getting married and I didn't love him like that anymore. (Riiight). He hugged me tightly and I hugged him in return.

"I should get back inside," he said. "I'm sure Marie will be looking for me. I shouldn't leave her alone for so long."

I frowned slightly thinking in my head that she was a big girl and honestly wouldn't mind time away from him.

"Alright," I said. "I'm just going to stay out here for awhile."

"Are you alright?" he asked standing up and looking at me in concern.

"Oh, yes, I'm fine," I said forcing a smile. He smiled at me, leaning over me and kissed my forehead. He pinched my cheek affectionately and walked away quickly back to the ballroom.

Jeremy appeared out of the light of the ballroom a few minutes later and smiled at me as he approached with two glasses of champagne. I smiled. He really was a gentleman.

"Hey," he said sitting down next to me on the bench. He offered me a glass and I took it, sipping it slowly.

"Hey."

"You look tired."

"Just all partied out," I smiled.

"Want to get out of here?"

I looked at him.

"Where are you staying?"

"One of the suites on the second floor," he said. I smiled at him and finished my champagne.

"Do you still think I can't take care of myself?"

"I think I could take care of you better," he smiled kissing my shoulder.

"Want to put money on that?" I asked with a grin as I stood up. Jeremy smiled and stood up, taking my hand.


	4. Weekend With Jeremy

I woke up the next morning and Jeremy was lying next to me

I woke up the next morning and Jeremy was lying next to me. A large part of me was seriously regretting what had happened the night before. The part that wasn't regretting it was my body that was screaming that I needed that badly. I rubbed my forehead ashamed of myself. What kind of a girl was I? Certainly not the kind of girl that slept with a guy the night that they met. I slapped my head and sighed, getting out of the bed.

"Running away so soon?"

I looked back at the bed and looked at Jeremy who was suddenly wide awake. He was lying on his side with his head propped up smiling a very handsome charming smile at me.

"I wouldn't say running," I said looking around for my clothes.

"Escaping briskly?"

I stopped and looked at him.

"Jeremy," I whispered. "You're leaving on Monday…"

"Plenty of time between then and now love," he said laying back and smiling mischievously. I stood up straight and looked at him very seriously with my hands on my hips.

"You're not serious about this?"

"I know you aren't," he said.

"What makes you think you know me?"

Jeremy sat up and took my hand.

"Come here," he said pulling me back onto the bed. I sat down next to him and he kissed my lips slowly, deeply and passionately. Once he pulled away he smiled at me and tucked my hair behind my ear. "That's why. You don't kiss me like you're serious…and I don't kiss you like I'm serious."

"You're right," I whispered. "I have no desire to be with you other then for guilt free hot sex."

He smiled at me.

"Same here love."

"Sweet," I said lying down and leaning my head on his chest.

"So who's the man who prevents you from being serious with me?"

"What makes you think there's another man?"

"For one thing I can't believe that a girl like you doesn't have some man desiring her," he said stroking my hair. "And you look like you're in love."

"How does a woman look like she's in love?"

"It's all in the eyes," Jeremy said. "I've been with my fair share of women Addison and I have five older sisters. I know women like I know my own name."

"You womanizing pig," I joked. He laughed and kissed my head.

"I am," he said. "I think that's why Ben didn't want me to get close to you."

"Then why did he introduce us?"

"He's gotten over protecting you," shrugged Jeremy. "And he seemed sure that you wouldn't be that interested in me."

I smiled a little and looked at Jeremy who stared at me for a few moments.

"What?" I asked rolling over onto my chest and looking at him.

"You're the worse kind of woman, Addison," he whispered. "You're in love and in denial about it."

I frowned deeply and rolled back over so he couldn't see my face.

"You know you're in denial?" he questioned.

"I don't want to love him anymore."

"Why?"

It was time to face the facts. I was still in love with Benjamin. Even after the other boyfriends I had at school, or even before Benjamin and I became close (we never officially dated), I never felt about anyone the way I felt about Benjamin.

"He doesn't love me."

"How could he not?"

"He loves someone else."

I didn't like how Jeremy was silent. Did he know that I loved Benjamin? Had I given myself away too easily? But he was gentlemen enough not to ask me.

"I was in love once," he whispered. "She was good to me…and I would have done anything for her."

"What happened?"

"She married a rich doctor," said Jeremy. "Has two kids now…hasn't talked to me since she left me. I don't know if she hates me or just doesn't want to remember what we had because it will ruin what she has now."

"Did you do something that would make her hate you?"

"No," Jeremy said seriously and shook his head. "Like I said, I was good to her. She was the only woman I had ever been serious about."

"You haven't found someone better at all?"

"No woman has compared to her."

"She must have been amazing."

Jeremy nodded his head.

"I was stupid and young," I whispered. "I still am."

"I think Ben still loves you," he whispered.

I sat up straight and looked down at Jeremy.

"What?"

He sat up on his elbows.

"You can see it when he looks at you," he shrugged. "I always thought he cared about you because he protected you more then a brother would. If he doesn't love you then he cares about you more then a friend should. It's not lust that's in his eyes when he looks at you, and it's not a brother watching his sister. It's a longing type of look."

"If he loves me then why is he marrying Lady Marie?"

"Sacrifice," said Jeremy. "The head often does things that the heart doesn't understand. Ben is securing his countries future with a woman who is titled. He wouldn't be able to do that with you. And he is in love with her."

I frowned. How could Benjamin be in love with me and Marie? I glanced at Jeremy. I didn't believe him. Benjamin loved Marie. I saw that my first day home, in his eyes I could see it.

"Do you get a funny feeling from Marie?"

"She's a dirty little woman," said Jeremy getting out of the bed and stretching. "She was a wretch in school and no doubt still is."

He threw my panties and bra on the bed and I pulled them on.

"You can wear one of my shirts and boxers to your room," he said. "So you don't have to get back in that circus tent of a dress."

"Thanks," I said standing up out of the bed. He went to the dresser and found clothes for me as we continued to talk.

"What made her so much of a wretch in school?"

Jeremy glanced at me.

"She cheated on Ben when we were at Oxford," Jeremy said very softly. "She didn't go to Oxford and one weekend when she was staying with us I answered her phone…she and Ben had run to the store for lunch. Well, the man wasn't very happy that I answered her phone and when I told her that he had called she was upset that I had said it in front of Ben. He still doesn't know. I doubt she's told him."

"Cheated with who?"

"I only know his name was Andrew."

I frowned and sat on the bed.

"It was a long time ago," I whispered. Jeremy nodded and handed me his clothing. I thanked him and stood up, putting them on.

"Yea," said Jeremy. "I never told Ben. I didn't know how I could. He's completely mad about her."

I nodded.

"I know."

Jeremy looked at me with a small smile and kissed my cheek.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I looked up at him.

"Don't be," I said. I stood on my toes and kissed his lips. "Thanks for the clothes."

"See you," he smiled.

I smiled too and walked around picking up the rest of my things. I left his bedroom and made my way to mine quickly. My Mother was not in the suite, I assumed she was at breakfast. Hopefully she hadn't checked in on me before going to breakfast and thought I was still in bed asleep.

After a warm shower and dressing in a pair of jeans and tee shirt I stood in front of my mirror brushing my hair and sighed slightly. I felt even more ashamed then before. I was in love with Benjamin and I had just slept with Jeremy. What kind of a girl was I?

The next few days dragged on. I spent time with Jeremy, getting to know him more, and entrusting more of my deep dark secrets to him. I told him about my Mother's breast cancer and how I had yet to speak to her about it. For some reason I could talk to Jeremy about anything and everything. I will admit it was a little strange. I mean, I had just met him, we had slept together, and had said that we weren't serious about each other at all. We weren't each other's type. But at the same time I knew that I could talk to him about stuff I couldn't talk to my Mother or Benjamin about. Jeremy understood that I had my secrets and that I waned to keep them that way.

"My sisters are all married," Jeremy said lightly stirring his coffee and then taking a sip of it.

"I'm an only child," I whispered. "My Father left when I was very young. Apparently he didn't approve of my Mother's job here at the palace."

"Why not? It's a good job and it pays well."

"My Mother is responsible for this entire palace," I said looking at Jeremy. "My Father didn't like that. He didn't think it right that she be responsible for so much when she was so young and just had a child. He also was not a fan of Queen Amelia."

"How'd your Mother get the job?"

"Her Mother before her," I said with a smile. "My family has served the royal family for centuries."

"Cool," nodded Jeremy. "Every man in my family for the last five decades has been in law enforcement."

"Is it really what you want to do?"

He looked at me with one eyebrow raised.

"Yes," he whispered. "What about you? Didn't fancy being a maid?"

"Nope," I smiled finishing my breakfast.

"You'd look fantastic in a maid's outfit though," he joked with a large grin. I shook my head and glared at him.

"Do you want to go for a walk? It's beautiful outside."

"Sure love," he said standing up slowly. He took the last gulp of his coffee and waited for me to stand. I stood up and he pushed my chair back in for me. He offered me his arm and I took it with a large grin.

"You're such a gentleman Jeremy."

"You really think so? I've been called a scoundrel more times then a gentleman," he said as we walked out of the palace towards the patio. I smiled up at him and he pinched my cheek with an affectionate smile.

As we walked into the gardens I noticed Benjamin sitting on a bench under a oak tree reading a book. Jeremy leaned down to my ear and whispered softly.

"You could steal him from Marie."

"What?" I said looking up at him quickly. He laughed down at me.

"You are more of a woman then Marie ever could be," he said. "And Ben wants to experience you again before he's married and tied down."

"Benjamin isn't that kind of guy," I said looking up at Jeremy with a glare.

"Well whatever he is he is one confused man," he said. "Madly in love with Marie, but incredibly attracted to you. I'd personally choose you."

"Even though you and Marie are so much a like?"

"That's insulting," he said. "I'm not like her. She's a tramp…I've never cheated."

"No just left the woman's side before you get the chance to cheat."

"Alls fair in love and war."

I smiled.

"I don't want to win Benjamin over," I whispered. "If he's happy with Marie then that's all that matters. Besides, Princes don't marry commoners."

Jeremy nodded.

"Fair enough," he said. "Go over and talk to him."

"Why?" I said looking up at him.

"He's your best friend and suddenly you're afraid to talk to him?"

"No," I said letting go of Jeremy's arm. "I just don't like you pushing me at him."

Jeremy shrugged.

"I'll see you later love," he said kissing my cheek. "I've got to go start packing."

"Alright," I said smiling. "Bye."

"Take advantage of the fact that Lady Marie isn't around," he said in my ear. I gave him a nasty look and couldn't help but smile as he pinched my cheek and began to walk away.

I walked over to Benjamin slowly. He looked up from his book as I approached and smiled.

"Hello," I said softly stopping in front of him. He looked me up and down in my skirt and tank top.

"Would you like to sit down, Addy?" he asked taking off his glasses.

"Thank you your Highness," I said sitting down and tucking my skirt under my legs. I crossed my ankles and looked at him.

"Why are you calling me that again?"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"You know what I've realized Addison," he said putting his book down between us and leaning closer to me.

"What your Highness?" I whispered with a smile.

"You only call me your Highness when something is wrong," he whispered tilting my chin up to look him in the eyes. "What's the matter?"

I frowned slightly and turned away from him looking out across the gardens.

"Nothing," I whispered rubbing my bare arms.

"You can't lie to me Addy," he said softly.

I disagreed with that statement.

"Okay," I said turning back to him. "I'm worried that people may think we're too close." It wasn't really what was bothering me then, but I was hardly going to tell him the truth—that I was really in love with him.

Benjamin rolled his eyes a little and smiled at me.

"Marie trust me and is not threatened by you," he said.

"Don't you care about what the public would think if they saw you with me?"

"The people know that we grew up together and that you're my best friend," he said. "I'm not worried about it, you shouldn't be."

"Oh okay," I said crossly.

"Addison," he said looking at me sharply. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Benjamin, the way you look at me, the way you lean into me and touch me…some people will think that you're coming on to me. And frankly I don't want to be known as the royal whore."

"Don't you think that's a little extreme?" he said.

"No."

"You know that it doesn't mean anything more then that I love you as my best friend," he said. "And that's all that matters. I don't care what the people think of me when it comes to our relationship. Lady Marie knows that we're best friends, she knows I care about you very much."

"The point is you shouldn't care about me the way that you do, Benjamin. I'm not going to let anything happen that could prevent you from becoming king. And why does she hate me then if she knows we're only friends?"

"She doesn't hate you."

"Oh really?" I said. Benjamin looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"I'm pretty sure she doesn't hate you."

"Oh yea, that's right. You didn't hear her make the rude comment about how you had to buy me my dress because I can't afford it," I said.

"When did she say that?"

"At the party, right in front of you. You didn't defend me at all."

"I didn't hear her say it."

"I know," I said turning away.

"That's not fair."

"Benjamin," I said looking at him. "I'm telling you she is threatened by me."

"Why would she be?" he moved and sat on the other side of the bench facing me. He cupped my cheek and looked at me. "There is nothing to be threatened about."

"Oh no?" I said pointing to the far gate that boarded the grounds. There were a number of camera man and news reporters on the opposite side of the gate watching up. Benjamin frowned and sat back away from me.

"Alright," he said. "I guess you're right."

"Thank you," I whispered.

He patted and squeezed my hand.

"Let's get out of the garden," he said.

I nodded and stood up grabbing his book for him. I carried it against my chest as we walked back towards the palace slowly. He put his hand on the small of my back guiding me as we walked and I looked up at him with a small frown.

"Do you think that wise?"

"I'm ushering you back to the palace," he said with a smile. "How do you like Jeremy?" he asked changing the subject before I could say something.

"He's nice."

"Just nice?" he said reaching into his pocket. "I would think you like him more then that."

He lifted up a gold chain with a heart shaped locket on it and held it out to me. I frowned slightly. I wore that necklace the night of his engagement party.

"Where'd you get that?" I asked taking it from him. "I lost it at the party."

"More like in Jeremy's bedroom," he said as he slipped it into my hand. I looked up at him with a frown. "It's none of my business what you do, but just don't get too hung up on him Addy."

"I thought it was none of your business," I said holding the necklace.

"I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I can take care of myself Benjamin."

"Jeremy isn't a gentleman Addy, he takes advantage of women."

"Well then you should be ashamed of introducing him to me," I said as we entered the ballroom.

"Addison," he said stopping me. "I didn't mean for you two to sleep together."

"People don't mean for a lot of things to happen," I said. I forced a smile. "Don't worry about me Benjamin. Jeremy and I are fine. He's packing right now. I know he's not sticking around."

Benjamin forced a smile.

"Alright," he said pinching my cheek. "If you're sure."

"I'm not a little girl anymore Benjamin."

"I know," he whispered nodding his head. "I know. Be good." He took his book from my hands slowly and smiled, then walked away out of the ballroom. I stood for a few moments, thinking about everything he had said. He really wasn't worried about how the media, the country and Marie would think if they saw us so close together. Either he was incredibly stupid (which I questioned for only a second), he didn't give a damn what they thought about him, or he loved me and wanted to be as close as possible.

I frowned as I walked back to my bedroom. I shouldn't get my hopes up.


	5. To Broken Hearts

Jeremy took the afternoon flight out of Genovia Monday morning

Jeremy took the afternoon flight out of Genovia Monday morning. He told me before he left the palace that he'd call or write. I didn't believe him though. As wonderful as it would be to stay in touch, I doubted he would call or write. He wasn't the type of guy to stay in touch and surprisingly I was okay with that. He was a good person, and good company…but my world wouldn't come crashing down if he didn't keep talking to me.

He promised though that he'd at least see me at Benjamin's wedding when I joked that he wouldn't actually call or write. I saw a glimmer in his eyes that said he was going to take my remark as a challenge. He was going to prove to me that he would stay in touch. I smirked at him and told him to have a safe flight. Before he left he grabbed me in his arms and kissed me deeply, surprising everyone that was in the entrance hall. I was surprised myself, and blushing bright red when he pulled away grinning like a school boy.

"Just so you don't forget," he said with a wink. Then he turned and walked out to the car waiting to take him to the airport. I rubbed my cheek and my Mother came up beside me.

"Is that the first time he's kissed you?"

"No," I said back honestly looking at her. I frowned a little. She was looking a little clammy. "Are you feeling okay Mom?"

"Yes," she sighed with some annoyance like I wasn't the first person to ask her. "I'm fine."

"You look clammy and pale."

"So I've been told," she sounded even more annoyed.

"What's wrong?"

"Thomas just lectured me about my health."

"What's wrong with your health?" I asked hoping that maybe she would fess up and tell me about her breast cancer.

"You just said yourself I'm not looking to good," she said crossly with her arms behind her back. I frowned and shrugged.

"Sorry for being concerned."

My Mother sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"I'm sorry Addison," she said softly. "I didn't mean to be so cross."

"It's alright," I said turning and beginning to walk down the hall. A fear bubbled up inside of me. Was her cancer getting worse? Was she getting closer to death? I looked at her more closely and saw that looked incredibly tired.

"Everyone is just getting on me about my health," she whispered. "It's driving me nuts."

"Well, Mom, to be honest you don't look well. You look extremely tired," I said. "Have you seen a doctor?"

"No," she said. "I feel fine. I don't see the reason to see one."

"You could be sick though," I said stopping and looking at her. "You could be really sick."

"I'm not sick Addison," she said looking at me sharply. I felt my heart pinch as she lied to me. Is this how she felt when she knew I was lying to her? "It's just old age."

"You're not that old," I said. "You're fifty one."

"To some that is old. And trust me darling, I feel old."

I rolled my eyes as she started down the hall farther.

"Mom," I said catching up to her. I took her hand and leaned my head on her shoulder as we walked. "I just don't want to lose you."

She was silent for a few seconds and I felt her hand quiver in mine.

"Even after I die Addison, I will still be with you," she said wrapping her arm around me. "Death comes to us all, my dear. It's a part of life."

"Doesn't mean I have to like it," I said frowning and crossing my arms over my chest.

"I would think someone with your degree would be more then understanding about death."

"I focus on crimes," I said back. "Unjust deaths…not the ones that are suppose to come, not the ones that God intends."

My Mother nodded her head and kissed my cheek.

"I love you Addison," she said. "That's all that matters."

"I love you too Mom."

We continued out into the gardens in silence.

"Are you going to see Jeremy again?"

"I doubt it," I whispered leaning against the patio railing and looking out at the gardens. "He's not the type of guy that dates women seriously. And he most certainly isn't the type of guy that would date a woman over a sea."

"Straight really," my Mom said leaning next to me.

"Body of water, whatever." I shrugged.

"So you two were just having sex this weekend?"

"Mom!" I said standing up straight and looking at her shocked. She looked at me with a smirk.

"What?" she laughed. "Well…he kissed you like he was going to miss the sex. Or remind you of what you would be missing…"

"I'm not having this conversation with my Mother," I said shaking my head. She just laughed more and patted my shoulder.

"I know you Addison," she said. "You don't do things unless you mean them and you had emotions behind them. It's one of the things that makes you such a good person. You do everything with your heart behind it, even if your head doesn't agree."

I frowned slightly and looked at her as she looked out at the grounds with a sad face. Was she talking about more then just me? Was she speaking more about herself and how her heart wanted to protect me from her cancer but her head didn't agree? I frowned even more, wasn't it Jeremy who had just told me the head does thing that the heart doesn't understand? Now my Mother was telling me something different…I followed my heart it appeared and Benjamin followed his head (according to Jeremy).

"I don't always think that is such a good thing Mom," I whispered.

"I don't think follow your head over your heart is very good."

I glanced at her.

"What Benjamin is doing is good for him and his people."

She looked at me for a few second.

"You don't think Benjamin is following his heart?"

"I don't know what I think," I whispered. "I know that Jeremy thinks Benjamin is following his head."

My Mother nodded.

"I can see that," she whispered. She patted my back. "I thought you didn't care about his Highness that way."

"I don't know anymore," I sighed rubbing my face. "I didn't think I did…and then he's around and I can't stop thinking about him. I'm hurt Mom. He doesn't even defend me to Lady Marie. He ignores her rude comments to me."

"I don't know about that Addison. He's always protected you."

"But if it means protecting me from the love of his life I don't think he would."

"Well then perhaps you shouldn't consider him your friend anymore," she whispered.

"I don't think that's fair."

My Mother shrugged.

"You have to make that choice Addison. Benjamin loves Lady Marie, and if loving her means hurting your friendship then perhaps he isn't really a true friend."

"He's been there for me when no one else has been."

"Was he there for you while you were away at school?" she asked. "And is he the only one that has been there for you because you've allowed him to be the one who's there for you?"

"Are you trying to make a point?" I asked softly with some annoyance because part of me felt that she was right. I was mad at Benjamin. He was treating me like crap and letting his fiancée get away with it too. I didn't want to admit that she was right though. The other part of me wanted to believe what Jeremy had felt—that Benjamin was still in love with me.

"Even if he loves you Addison," whispered my Mother sadly. "I doubt he'll leave Lady Marie. Like you said, he thinks with his head, not his heart." She looked at me and kissed my cheek warmly. "To broken hearts, and the hope that they'll be repaired."

"Thanks Mom," I whispered.

"Anything for you," she said back tapping my back and turning away.

I frowned deeply as she walked away. I knew she was right about Benjamin. He wasn't going to leave Lady Marie. Everyone seemed to be right and I was just in denial.

"What are you seriously thinking about?" Benjamin asked leaning up against the railing next to me. He came out of no where and caught me off guard.

"Oh, nothing," I muttered.

"Missing Jeremy already?"

"I'm not that attached or attracted to him," I said standing up straight. "God knows we only spent four days together."

"Sometimes that's all it takes."

I looked at him.

"Not for me," I said standing up straight. "I don't just fall madly in love with someone on an impractical whim."

"Love is supposed to be impractical Addy," he said standing up close to me. "That's what makes it so passionate and mysterious. It's spontaneous."

"Oh, and you know so much of love."

He caught my chin with his hand and titled it up, looking me in the eye.

"I do know a lot about love," he whispered. "It's something magical, that two people share with nobody else but each other. We shared it once."

"Benjamin," I whispered pulling away from him. "What are you doing?"

He stroked my cheek and stepped back.

"Talking to you."

"There was something else in your eyes," I said looking up at him crossly.

He frowned deeply.

"Forgive me," he whispered standing up straight and fixing his suit coat. "I forgot myself."

I frowned and turned back to the face the gardens.

"I'll forgive you," I whispered back sadly.

He touched my shoulder but said nothing and turned around slowly and left the patio. I stood up straight and turned to watch him walk away. He didn't look back and disappeared up the grand staircase. Sighing, I made my way to my bedroom and picked up a book I had finished. I returned it to the library and found a new book to read. There was a large comfy arm chair in the library that I was quite found of it. As I read _The Count De Monte Cristo_ I fell asleep because I hadn't slept the last couple of nights.

I woke up late in the night in the library with a horrible feeling in my stomach. I had a frightening nightmare about my Mother dying. She fell down the steps in the garden, and because she was so weak she hurt herself badly and nobody found her until the late night. By the time she was found she was dead. I was shaking when I woke up and I feared going back to bed. I got up quickly, leaving my book behind and left the library.

As I walked down the hall I saw Benjamin's bedroom light on. I paused near by it and wondered if he was really awake, and alone. I was still shaking from my nightmare, and I wanted to think of anything but my Mother. I knocked on Benjamin's door before I could stop myself.

The door opened almost immediately. Benjamin stood in a long pair of flannel pants. He had no shirt on and suddenly I completely regretted knocking on his door. He looked at me with a sideways smile.

"Addy," he whispered leaning in the doorframe looking even more attractive.

"I just wanted to talk to you," I sighed looking down at the ground.

"What's the matter?" he tilted my head up.

"I've been having horrible nightmares about my Mother dying," I whispered.

"Come on in," he said opening the door wider and ushering me in. I thanked him and stood looking around his suite in some surprise. It was incredibly large, with a full sized sitting room, French doors leading to his bedroom, and a closet the size of my mother's suite. I didn't think it possible for a man to have so many clothes, but I suppose for a Prince it was necessary. The French doors were wide open and his sheets were turned down. I imagine he had been lying in bed when I rudely knocked on his door.

"What time is it anyways?" I whispered.

"Two in the morning."

"What are you still doing awake?" I questioned quickly. "Don't you have some public affair tomorrow morning? You can't look tired and have bags under your eyes. Girls can pull that off because they can wear make up, but you, you're screwed. You should get to bed."

"No," he said taking my hand and leading me to the bed. We sat down and he looked at me very seriously. "I shouldn't go to bed. You need someone to talk to and I'm here to listen."

"I don't really have anything to talk about," I said now feeling incredibly guilty for keeping him awake, "I had nightmares about my Mother's death, so what? I'm obviously afraid of her dying. I don't want her to die. I'm afraid of being alone—"

"You babble when you're upset," he said. "And tired. And you're not going to be alone. I'm not going anywhere Addy."

"You have so much faith in this world."

He frowned slightly knowing exactly what I was talking about. It had always amazed me the way Benjamin remained an optimistic person despite what he went through when he was very young. If I were him I would have felt betrayed by the whole kingdom, and the whole world.

"Just because my Father was killed by an assassin doesn't mean I will be," he whispered. "I have faith because my Father died protecting my Mother, the Queen. What he did was right, noble, and heroic. And it was done out of love. My Father was killed by one man, not the whole kingdom and not the whole world—" It was crazy how he could read my mind. "—it would be foolish for me to blame them."

I shrugged.

"You're getting married," I whispered. "My Mother is dying. I only have you two. Who will I have when you're both gone?"

"Just because I'm getting married doesn't mean I'm going away," he said lifting my chin. "I can hardly go anywhere, can I? And if you join the staff like my Mother and I want then you'll be seeing lots of me. You can even live in the palace."

"I don't want you to give me these things just because I'm your friend and I'm afraid to face this big world by myself."

"You don't have to be afraid, Addy," he said bringing my body closer to his. He embraced me tightly and brushed my hair smoothly. "There isn't anything to be afraid of."

"How can you say such a thing?" I asked looking up at him. "Everything is going to change when you're married."

"Things are going to change, but not everything. Our friendship isn't going to change," he said. He pushed my brown curls behind my ear and I felt shivers crawling all over my body. They were tingles of desire and frustration that I couldn't let that desire be known. I pulled my body away from him slowly and stood up.

"You need to get some rest," I whispered leaning against one of the posts of his bed. I looked back at him with a calm, forced, smile. "I know I won't be alone Benjamin. I know. Thank you for listening to my troubles. Get some rest."

"Addison," he said standing up as I walked towards the sitting room. I stopped and looked back at him, my heart pounding in my chest praying that he'd tell me he loved me and I really didn't have to be alone because he would be with me as a friend, lover, and partner for the rest of my life.

"Good night," he whispered and my heart dropped to my stomach. I let out a breath and I know he could see the twinkle leave my eyes. I saw it leave his too.

"Good night," I said. "Sweet dreams."

I walked out of his suite and rushed down the hallway, almost running away from the room. I didn't want to look back because I felt that something had happened in that room just then. The crowned engaged Prince was going to admit something to me that he shouldn't, and he was showing more desire for me then his fiancée. I had left at the right time, I knew, despite how much I wanted to stay in his arms and bed like I had when I was in high school, I couldn't. I knew I shouldn't. I walked away at the right time.

When I reached my room I closed the door quietly so not to wake my Mother and then leaned against the wall, my chest heaving up and down. I knew I had done the right thing by walking out of his room at that time, but part of me had wanted him to chase me.


	6. Avoidance

"Good morning Thomas," I said sitting down at the kitchen table

"Good morning Thomas," I said sitting down at the kitchen table. Thomas smiled at me and motioned to the box of Golden Grahams next to him.

"Would you like some breakfast?"

"I would love some," I said grabbing a bowl. He poured me the cereal as I got the milk. We ate together in silence until he broke it abruptly.

"I spoke with your Mother about her cancer," he said. "I told her that she should tell you."

I looked at him for a moment then blinked.

"She's hasn't told me, and I understand," I whispered. "She doesn't have to tell me. I'm sure she knows I know anyways. She's not naïve enough to think that the Queen, you or Benjamin wouldn't tell me."

Thomas nodded.

"She is a very intelligent woman."

He stared off across the kitchen, looking at nothing in particular.

"Do you love my Mother Thomas?" I whispered.

He blinked and looked at me with a calm smile.

"Very much."

I smiled and squeezed his hand.

"We've loved each other for sometime Addison."

"Why don't you ask her to marry you?"

"I have," he said. "She doesn't want to be married. I'm alright with that. I suppose it seems silly to marry her when she could be gone with in months. If I marry her…it will just hurt more when she's gone."

"Thomas," I whispered. "If you love her, and she loves you, you should be married."

Thomas frowned and then forced a smile to me. He patted my cheek.

"Don't worry about it Addison," he whispered. "I am happy loving your Mother the way we stand. We love each other and that's all that matters."

I nodded slowly.

"How long have you two been in love?"

"A while now," he said. "Long before you left for school."

"And no one ever told me?"

"What was there to tell?" he asked.

I frowned. It seemed that everyone who I had cared about had kept a lot from me once I went away to school. My Mother kept her illness a secret and now her attraction to Thomas? And Benjamin never told me about Lady Marie, and apparently they had dated all through his school years. I stopped dead and put my spoon down in my bowl.

"Is something wrong?" Thomas asked. "Addison?"

"Huh, what?" I said blinking at him.

"What's the matter?"

"Oh, nothing," I said standing up quickly. I dashed from the kitchen and ran up to Benjamin's suite. I banged on the door loudly. "Benjamin! Your Highness get up!"

No answer came.

"Prince Benjamin I'm going to march in there if you don't open—" The door opened and I stopped mid sentence. He had good reason not to answer right away. Benjamin, in all his fit body glory, stood in the door way with a towel wrapped around him. Water droplets were running down his bare tanned chest (that was hairless). He smiled at me.

"Can I help you with something Addison?"

"You heard me in the shower?"

"I was getting out of it as you rammed my door, what's the matter?"

"I need to talk to you," I said pushing into his suite uninvited.

"Please come in," he said after I was already in. He closed the door and walked toward his bedroom. "Excuse me while I change."

"This can't wait."

He ignored me as he walked into his bedroom. He dropped his towel right as he walked into the closet and I turned around biting my lip. I wanted to see him naked so badly, but I felt wrong and dirty doing it. I bit my hand in the silence as my mind raced. Benjamin was only a few feet away, in his gigantic closet (that had a couch it was so big), naked, and wet. I squeezed my eyes shut. I _should not_ have been having the visions that I was.

"What'd you want to talk about?" he asked coming out of the closet. I turned back assuming he was fully dressed, but he was definitely only in his boxers. Black sexy boxer-briefs. I sighed and rubbed my face staring at him. He smiled at me. "Something wrong?"

"Put some god damn pants on," I said turning back around.

He laughed and pulled some pants on. I turned back and he had jeans on…and still looked good enough to eat.

"What's up?"

"How long have you and Lady Marie dated?" I whispered.

"Since we were sophomores at Oxford," he said. "Or was it junior year? I can't remember, but we—"

I had grabbed the throw pillow off the couch in his suite and hurled it at him. It smacked him in the head while he was talking. He stopped dead and stood up straight looking at me bewildered.

"You cheated on her with me!" I yelled turning around and looking for another pillow to throw, or a shoe, or something that would hurt him more. "You told me it was more then a one night stand and I meant something!" I threw another pillow, which he ducked as he was walking towards me. "You bastard!"

I picked up the remote control for the TV and started to throw it, but he jumped the couch and grabbed my wrist before I could release it.

"Let go of me!"

"Stop throwing things!"

I sighed and pulled my hand out of his grasp.

"If you had listened to me long enough before beginning your throwing rampage you would have heard me say that we broke up for nearly a year after we graduated."

I glared at him.

"I never cheated on her," he whispered.

"Doesn't mean you didn't use me," I whispered back dropping the remote on his couch.

"Addison, I didn't. I would never," he said catching my arm before I could leave his suite. I slipped out of his grasp and said nothing, leaving the room slowly. I closed the door tightly behind me and once it was shut I heard something shatter behind his bedroom doors. I paused for a moment. It sounded like the vase of flowers that had been sitting on the table by the door as you walked in. I frowned deeply and moved down the hall quickly, heading for my bedroom.

I avoided Benjamin the rest of the day. Really, I avoided everyone. I remained in my bedroom, lying in bed reading. It didn't take me long to finish _The Count of Monte Cristo_. After I finished it I was afraid to leave my bedroom and go to the library to find another book to read. What if I ran into Benjamin? I didn't even want to look at him, let alone speak with him.

Just thinking about him made tears well up in my eyes. I wiped them away and rolled over onto my stomach, opening the drawer on my bedside table. I pulled out a small piece of paper and picked up my cell phone, dialing the number on the paper. It rang four times and then a voicemail came on.

"Hey, you've reached Jeremy's cellular," his voice said calmly. "I'll get back to when I can."

A single beep played and I frowned deeply then hung up. There was no point in leaving a message. He wouldn't respond anyways. I threw my phone in the drawer and slammed it shut, falling back on my bed.

There was a soft knock at my door and I sat up.

"Yes?"

The door opened and my Mother came in.

"Hi Mom," I said lying back down.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"You've been locked in your room all day."

"So? I was reading."

"His Highness was looking for you."

"Good for him."

"See I knew there was something wrong."

"It doesn't matter," I whispered.

"What'd you fight about?"

"Marie."

My Mother nodded her head and rubbed my shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Like I said, it doesn't matter."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," I said. "I just want to lie here."

"Oh, okay," she said standing up off my bed. "Well, there's dinner in the kitchen if you want it."

"Why didn't you tell me about Thomas?" I asked abruptly. My Mother stopped at the bedroom door and looked at me.

"What about Thomas?"

I sat up and stared at her.

"Why didn't you tell me you're in love with him?" I asked crossly. I didn't like how she was acting like I was stupid. "You never told me about that."

"I suppose I didn't see a reason to," she shrugged. I stared at her for a few moments.

"Oh, okay," I said lying back down. I felt like there was something else she wasn't telling me but I didn't say anything.

"Well, come down when you're hungry."

I didn't say anything and she left. I rolled over. Now I was mad at everyone. I had this horrible gut feeling that my Mother wasn't telling me everything. What else could there be about Thomas that she wasn't telling me?

At about eight thirty that evening, I managed to build up enough courage and left my bedroom to head for the kitchen for a quick bite to eat (my Mother would be finishing her chores, and Benjamin would hopefully be doing something of some importance elsewhere). After a sandwich and mild conversation with the cook I made my way to the library to find another book to read. Perhaps _The Three Musketeers_ or _The Man In The Iron Mask_ would do well.

But as soon as I opened the library door I sorely found Benjamin sitting at a desk. I frowned deeply. I had always considered this room the library, but in reality it was Benjamin's private study (at least now it was), full of his private collection of books that he had no doubt realized I was barrowing.

"I thought you'd come here eventually," he said standing up and moving out from behind the desk. I entered the room as if I hadn't heard him talk and walked to the shelf where _The Count of Monte Cristo_ belonged. I could feel his eyes on me, but I tried with all my might not to look at him. I picked up other novels by Alexandre Dumas and stacked them in my arms, then moved down the shelf retrieve other novels that I had added to Benjamin's collection when I was in high school because I liked them so much.

"Addison," he said. "Can we speak like two grown people? Will you look at me?"

I turned around holding the books close to my chest and glared at him.

"You can't hide in your novels forever, especially from me."

"Men in novels are so much better," I said harshly walking past him. He grabbed my arm and my books tumbled onto the ground. "I don't want to talk to you Your Highness." I said dropping down and picking up my books, he bent over and helped me.

"I want to talk to you," he said. "And if I have to order you to listen to me I will—"

"How dare you!" I snapped rudely. "I am not one of your servants that you order around _Prince Benjamin_."

I stood up straight. He was holding the three books I really wanted to read. I decided they were worth the sacrifice and turned on my heel and walked out of the study slamming the door violently behind me.

I didn't speak with my Mother for nearly three days, despite her attempts. Benjamin seemed to have given up because I didn't see him for a week. I found out from one of the maids that he had gone to France to see Lady Marie. I wasn't sure if I was the reason that he had left or if he had planned to go see her long before our argument. I guessed the later though when he starting calling my cell phone at least three times a day. I got so angry at my phone that I picked it up and threw it into my closet where it hit the wall and popped into three pieces. But no matter, it was easily put back together.

"Addison," said a voice and I turned to see Queen Amelia walking briskly after me as I headed to the ballroom to escape the closed off space of my bedroom.

"Your Majesty," I said bowing my head to her.

"Can I have a word?"

"Of course," I said breathlessly. I was a little nervous to speak to her. What if she asked me about my Mother or Benjamin? Or what if she asked about me speaking with my Mother?

"I was wondering if you could help me with some of Benjamin's wedding plans," she said softly taking my arm. "Your Mother and I are helping Lady Marie adjust to the Genovian traditions and wedding traditions. I was wondering if you could help us, well that is Lady Marie. She and Ben are returning tomorrow and she's going to need help. Really I know it would help out Ben and he'd love knowing that his best friend is the one helping his future wife."

"I don't know very much about weddings your Majesty."

"Oh you don't have to. Just give her your opinion about flowers, colors, dresses, that sort of thing."

"Well I don't know," I said. "I know Lady Marie doesn't like me very much. I don't think it's a very good idea…"

"I'll have Benjamin speak to you about it," Amelia said. "I know you'll listen to him. I swear Addison, you're like your Mother more stubborn then anything. But just like you can talk sense into her Benjamin can talk sense into you."

I sighed and nodded.

"Lady Marie and him will be coming back tomorrow morning," she said. "Make sure you talk to him."

"Of course your Majesty."

"Now if you'll excuse me," she said. "I have a meeting with Parliament."

She walked off quickly, her cardigan waving behind her as she moved fast. I sighed and turned right around and disappeared back to my bedroom. And the next morning I made a point to stay in bed.


	7. Realization

I could not stay in bed forever as my Mother pointed it out the day after Benjamin and Lady Marie had arrived.

"I don't know what you two argued you about, Addison Holly," she said crossly throwing clothes on my bed for me to wear. "But you are acting like a ridiculous child. Get up this minute! If you stay in bed any longer you're going to be whiter then a ghost and thinner then what is healthy."

"I am acting like a child," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me," she said taking the hangers off my clothes and going back into the closet. I looked at her in shock.

"You think I should apologize to Benjamin after what he did to me!?"

"What did he do Addison?"

I was silent and she came back out and sat on the bed next to me, looking at me with those all knowing, caring eyes. I sighed and leaned back against my head board.

"When I was a senior in high school," I whispered. "Benjamin and I…well we had sex."

My Mother nodded her head. I was somewhat surprised she wasn't looking at me in shock, and she wasn't yelling at me about having sex, or questioning me if I had used protection (but that was kind of obvious as I wasn't pregnant or carrying an STD).

"Benjamin never told me about Lady Marie," I whispered. "Jeremy had mentioned that they were dating at Oxford…" I continued to tell her everything about the argument I had with Benjamin and the apparent aspects of our relationship that I hadn't known about until recently. "I didn't know that I was nothing to him…and by the time it was over I didn't…well I told him I was okay…and he thought I was…"

I looked at the closet to avoid her eye and she leaned over and hugged me tightly. I rested my head on her shoulder and took a long breath.

"I don't think he meant to hurt you Addison," she whispered weakly.

I sat up and looked at her.

"I know," I whispered. "But I still can't help being bitter towards him. I still love him…and I was hoping he still loved me."

"Addison," she said lifting my chin. "You're an amazing woman, and Benjamin knows that. But there are other men out there. Benjamin isn't the only one. And I'm sure that you can find the one who is right for you. Benjamin isn't right for you for so many reasons, not just because he doesn't love in return, because I'm sure he does love you to some extent."

I nodded my head.

"Addison," she said very seriously. "I'm sure that somewhere out there is a happy ending for you, but a happy ending doesn't mean marrying the right man. A happy ending is just you being happy when you look back at your life. Don't look to fairy tales and compare them to reality."

"I'm not Mom."

"But you are," whispered my Mother with a sad face. "I should have never told you those fairy tale stories when you were little."

"Mom," I said taking her hands and squeezing them. "I'm not comparing my life to a fairy tale…I mean sure sometimes…but right now I know very well that this is real. And I'm not going to end up with Benjamin. He…we're different. And he's happy. That's all that matters."

My Mother shook her head and hugged me.

"I don't know how you do it," she whispered.

"Denial," I said with a small smile. "Denial is my best friend."

My Mother nodded but said nothing. I had a feeling that she was thinking the same thing. She was in denial about her breast cancer and everything was going fine for her, except that she was dying.

"I expect to see you downstairs in ten minutes," she said standing up and walked to the door.

"Mom," I said quickly.

She stopped and looked back at me.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too Addison."

She left after that, and closed the door tightly behind her. I looked down at the clothes she had pulled out for me. They were quite possibly the most conservative pieces of clothing I had in my closet. I long turtle neck and pair of jeans. I frowned slightly and stood up going into my closet. I had to find something else to wear.

I was in my closet when I heard my cell phone rang. I moved quickly, afraid I would miss the call, and ran out in my underwear and tank top. I grabbed the phone and was surprised by the number I saw flashing on the screen.

"Hello?" I said flipping the phone open and pressing it to my ear.

"Hello," said Jeremy's voice through the phone. "You called?"

"I did?"

"Yea, about a week ago," he said. "Sorry it took me so long to return the call. I can see you're really devastated about it."

I laughed a little.

"You're not the type to call back Jeremy," I said lying back on my bed. "I didn't want to get my hopes up."

"I like to surprise people," he joked.

"I like surprises."

"What are you doing?"

"Getting dressed," I said getting off my bed and moving back into my closet looking for a pair of jean capris.

"What are you wearing?"

"I was going to wear capris and a halter top," I said.

"I meant now."

"Jeremy," I whispered with fake offensive. "How dare you think of me while I'm in my underwear…"

"It's not the first time," he smiled. I could hear his smile all the way on the other end of the line. It made me smile.

"You're smiling because you want me to think about you in your underwear."

How'd he know I was smiling? The same way I knew he was?

"Now seriously," he said. "Why'd you call? What's the matter?"

"Why would there have to be something the matter for me to call?"

"You needed to talk," he said. "Is it Ben?"

"No," I said slowly pulling out a halter top and throwing it on the bed with my capris. I began to take off my shirt (which was difficult with the cell phone) and change into my clothes.

"You're a bad liar."

"You know I really do disagree," I said. "I can lie to lots of people."

"Okay, fine. You can't lie to me."

"Benjamin says that."

"So it is him."

"What else would it be, Jeremy?"

"You hold a fair point. What'd he do?"

"I thought he cheated on Marie with me."

"Hold on," Jeremy said bewildered. "You and Ben had sex?"

I blinked and then cringed. That's right…Benjamin had always protected me from Jeremy, but here Benjamin was touching what was supposed to be off limits.

"When I was in high school."

That probably didn't help.

"I was a senior," I added quickly.

"I see," Jeremy said slowly.

"It turns out that we were having sex when he and Lady Marie weren't together…and I just felt used."

"Understandably. But like I've said before…I think Ben loves you."

"He doesn't," I whispered. "He's made that clear."

"Has he?"

I wasn't sure who's side Jeremy was on. No…I suppose really Benjamin hadn't made it crystal clear that he didn't want me. The way he touched my cheek and dropped his towel in visual distance of me…well maybe that wasn't love…just lust. I frowned and rubbed my head.

"I'm getting a head ache."

"I'm sorry," Jeremy said. "I'll go…leave you to your thoughts."

"No, I didn't mean that you were giving me a head ache."

He laughed and I imagined him pinching my cheek affectionately if he were here with me.

"I have to get going to work anyways Addison," he said. "I'll talk to you later, alright?"

"Yea sure," I said.

"You know," he said slowly. "Because you show so much doubt in me just makes me want to prove you wrong."

"I know."

He laughed.

"Good plan."

"It wasn't a plan."

"Oh okay," he said slowly. "Bye Addison."

"Bye," I said and he hung up. I smiled and hung up, throwing my phone down on the bed. I pulled on my capris and looked for a pair of sandals to wear.

My Mother eyed me suspiciously when I entered the kitchen. She was watching what the cooks were making, and no doubt taste testing the food for the wedding. I thought it was silly to be taste testing food now; the wedding was three months away. The look in her eyes suggested that she was about to come up to our suite and retrieve me because I was taking too long to come downstairs. I grabbed a quick bit to eat and left the kitchen, wandering about the palace while I ate my blueberry muffin.

As I was walking outside, enjoying the fresh air I spotted Benjamin and Lady Marie standing on the grounds. There were other servants about, but the couple was standing close together. Benjamin was showing Marie how to shoot an arrow. I watched them for a few moments as I walked, trying not to draw attention to myself.

Lady Marie pulled back on the arrow, and pulled to far, jabbing Benjamin in the chest and grunted and doubled over. I could hear Lady Marie making a commotion about it from where I stood across the grounds and laughed a little.

"Served him right," I whispered.

Benjamin had taught me how to fire an arrow when I was a senior in high school. That had probably been the start of the sexual tension between us. His body was pressed so close to mine, and I could feel his breath on my skin. It was a situation that I found myself in often after that archery lesson, being trapped in his arms breathing and moaning.

I shook my head and blinked at the grounds. Lady Marie was walking across the grass away from Benjamin. Two maids were making their way after Marie and I bit my bottom lip. Part of me wanted to go speak to Benjamin, but at the same time I was still avoiding him.

He lifted the bow and aimed the arrow he released shot through the air and stabbed the target in the dead center. He dropped the bow to his side and looked out around him. His eyes fell on me instantly and I jumped, turned and walked away quickly.

I did my best to avoid him the rest of the day, but he managed to corner me in the library that evening. I had been reading in one of the comfortable arm chairs, with my legs draped over the arm when he entered the study and closed the door tightly behind him, locking it shut.

I glanced at him and then turned my eyes back to my book, ignoring him.

"You can't avoid me forever Addy," he whispered coming closer. He was approaching me slowly like I would get up and slip out from under him quickly like a wild animal running from its predator. I glared at him and sat up straight in the chair.

"Your Highness, I really don't want to talk to you," I whispered.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to. I don't think I need a reason."

"I would like to know why you're mad at me," he said coming yet closer. I snapped my book shut and he stopped dead. Perhaps he thought I was going to throw it at him.

"I find it hard to believe that you had feelings for me."

"I've told you many times Addy you were more to me then a one night stand," he said standing up straight with sad eyes. "You were someone I loved. I wanted to know everything there was to know about you, every inch of your body and soul. There was so much I still didn't know about you and we had known each other practically our whole lives. You were a mystery to me and still are. I still want to know you in that way."

I looked at him with wide eyes and dropped my book on the ground. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back in the arm chair, looking away from him. I couldn't believe what he had just said.

"Benjamin," I whispered. "You can't say things like that."

"It's the truth."

"Well then you shouldn't have gone back to Lady Marie then," I snipped. "You should have waited for me."

"I was upset when you left," he said. "I really did think that it was better that we agreed to stop seeing each other when you went away."

"We were never 'seeing each other' Benjamin!" I snapped standing up in anger. "We were screwing each other is what we were doing. You never wanted anything more. We were never 'official' and it was—"

I stopped and leaned against the chair. This was ridiculous. I hadn't been this angry at him in years and now all of sudden everything was coming out. It didn't matter that he didn't want to be my 'boyfriend'. It really didn't matter _why_ he had stopped loving me. The only thing that mattered is that he _had_ stopped.. The way, method or reason to stop loving me didn't matter at all.

"It was so much easier not to be in love with you when you weren't around," he said. "But the idea of you leaving again hurts so bad. I don't want you to go."

"You can't have me and Lady Marie, Benjamin. It doesn't work that way."

"I know that," he said. "That's why Lady Marie and I moved the wedding up."

"What?" I said shocked again.

"In two weeks we'll be getting married," Benjamin said. "It's when she's not here that I stray Addison. I love her with everything that I am…but you're…well you're everything she's not. Everything that I want that she can't give me."

I glared at him suddenly. This wasn't about loving me. He didn't love me. There was nothing there but lust. I wanted to throw something at him again.

"You can't have me either Benjamin," I whispered. "I don't love you." The lie was frightening. For a moment I thought I might blow my poker face and ruin it all, but I kept it together. "You're my best friend and always will be. But I don't love you that way. Perhaps one day I did, but we don't belong together. And I know that. Lady Marie is better for you and she is what you need. I can't give you what she can and you need what she has more then you need my sexy bombshell body."

I moved out from behind the chair and walked to him slowly. I took his hands and squeezed them tightly. I could see the battle in him as I looked in his eyes. He was fighting with himself over all of this. Perhaps it was safe to say that he was just as frustrated as I was. He was fighting himself over me and Lady Marie, two women whom he loved for different reasons.

"The reasons you love her are better then the reasons you love me," I whispered. I stood on my toes and kissed his cheek. "And I am happy for you Benjamin."

I slipped my hands out of his and walked away from him slowly. I unlocked the door but before I could open it he stopped it.

"Addison," he whispered behind me. I closed my eyes and clung to the door knob to keep myself steady. The last time he had whispered my name like that we were naked in his bed, sweating, close, sticky and moaning. I felt his hands on my hips, wrapping his whole arms around my waist and holding me back against his chest.

"Benjamin," I sighed pulling out of his grasp. "I'm not going to let you destroy everything that you have. Not over me…not because of sexual tension. Go see Lady Marie, I'm sure she could use a good screwing. God knows it would help her relax."

I left him standing in the study alone. As I raced down the hall, running from him, I tried not to cry. Why was I putting myself in these tight situations? My whole body hurt and was shaking, but at the same time in the pit of my stomach I felt like I had done the right thing. It was better this way. If he didn't think I loved him I wouldn't tempt him into an affair that could tarnish his royal crown.


	8. In Front of The Mirror

_I wanted to let everyone know before they read this chapter that there is some swearing near the end. I don't want to raise the rating to M, but if people are offended or feel that I should, please let me know. I try not to use strong language, but I felt for this part in the dialogue it was necessary. _

_So Signed, Gabe. _

* * *

I hadn't been able to get a hold of Jeremy the next week before the wedding. I was almost afraid that he wouldn't get the message that it had been moved up so quickly. Although, and I had to constantly remind myself this, he was party of the wedding party. He was the best man of all things, of course he knew that the wedding had been moved up.

"I don't understand why I have to be a bride's maid," I hissed turning around in the long pink dress that Lady Marie had picked out for her sisters, best friends and I to wear.

"Because you are the groom's best friend," my Mother said.

"That doesn't seem like enough of a reason to go through his kind of humiliation," I said with annoyance as I put my hands on my hips.

She looked up at me as a seamstress hemmed the bottom of my dress. She smiled a little and I could see she was trying hard not to laugh.

"Don't say a word," I snapped.

"Oh but really that dress is lovely," she giggled.

I turned back around and the seamstress let out a sigh of frustration.

"Please Miss Belle, stop moving around," she said.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just so angry," I said to her apologetically. I stared into the mirror for a few moments. The dress was a dark pink. I think the actual name was rose, but I always thought rose as more a red then a pink. Either way, red, rose or pink, this color did not look good on me. It was sleeveless and had a cut under the breast, emphasizing them (all of Marie's sisters and friends had barely any breast where I had too much for this dress). Fake clothe roses were detailed down the back to the bottom covering up the zipper.

"How is it possible that they could move the wedding up so quickly and have everything still working out as planned?"

My Mother's eyes were closed and I looked at her over my shoulder.

"Mom," I said quickly. She had been looking more and more tired each day. The wedding was stressing her out more then anything else. Even though she wasn't the wedding planner, she was still responsible for everything happening the way the wedding planner wanted it to.

"I'm making sure it happens as planned," my Mother smiled.

"Don't wear yourself thin," I advised.

"Miss Belle, if you will please face the front," the seamstress heaved a sigh.

"Sorry," I said frowning.

I could see the whole room in the reflection of the mirror before me. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked down at the dress.

"Lady Marie picked this because I am the only big breasted brunette in her wedding party," I snapped. "And this color looks horrible with my skin tone and eyes."

"I'm not complaining that you're the only big breasted brunette in Lady Marie's wedding party," said a male voice.

I looked up in the mirror and saw Jeremy standing just beyond the door. My Mother had looked up and was staring at him with raised eyebrows.

"Now Mister Hiller, if you are going to speak about my daughter's breast I'd appreciate it if you'd be gentleman enough to not do it in the presences of me, her Mother."

My cheeks flushed as Jeremy smiled at me in the mirror. He moved towards my Mother and took her hand kissing it gently. He knew how to over-compensate for being a gentleman.

"Forgive me Ms. Belle," he said. "I meant no offense."

"I suppose I can forgive your for now," my Mother said standing up. "I'll only tolerate you because I know Addison is sorely attracted to you."

It was amazing how cross my Mother could be.

"Mom," I sighed rubbing my head with embarrassment.

"If you will excuse me," she said bowing her head.

Once she left I glared at Jeremy in the mirror.

"Really now," I said crossing my arms over my chest. "Was that necessary?"

"They are wonderful breast," he said moving closer to me and grinning broadly. "And there is a shortage of good full breast in this world. It'd be a shame to not compliment yours."

"Oh shut up Jeremy," I said trying not to smile. "You're so full of it."

The seamstress coughed and I was reminded of her presences.

"I'm finished," she said. "You can step off the stool now."

I made to step down but Jeremy came forward and grabbed my waist, lowering me down. The seamstress collected her things as he held me close in his arms and disappeared, but I hardly noticed that she had gone Jeremy was so close and smelled incredibly good.

"That dress looks awful."

I laughed.

"Marie picked it because I looked so horrible in it," I said with a shrug.

"I can't wait to get it off of you," he said leaning in close to me and cupping my cheeks.

"Jeremy," I said in a scandalous tone. He just grinned more and kissed me deeply. I kissed him slowly in return while wrapping my arms around him. "Mmm," I whispered as he pulled away, but was still incredibly close. "You missed me."

"Incredibly," he said.

"I didn't think you would."

"I didn't think I would either," he admitted kissing me again. "I was happy when Ben called and said the wedding was moved up because that meant I didn't have to call you again." He smirked and I hit his chest playfully. "Now," his hands found the zipper on the back of my dress. "What do you say about getting you out of this dress?"

"Not right now Jeremy," I said pulling out of his arms. "Don't you think it's a little inappropriate?"

"Who cares?"

I shook my head and picked up my clothes, moving behind the mirror to change. I tried to unzip the back of my dress on my own so I wouldn't have to ask Jeremy for help, but he seemed to know I was struggling because he knocked gently on the mirror and appeared slowly around the corner. I frowned and turned my back to him, welcoming him to unzip my dress. His hands were warm when they grazed my skin and he slowly unzipped the dress.

"I can help push off you too," he whispered in my ear. Slowly, his lips pressed against the skin of my neck and I stepped away from him.

"I don't need help with that," I said dropping the dress. It fell down my body into a puddle of dark pink material. I stepped out of it and bent over picking up my bra. I put it on, still feeling his eyes on me and I bent over to pick up my pants. Once I stood up with my pants on, I began to pull my shirt over my head and that bastard unhitched my bra.

"Jeremy!" I snapped. "Will you please fix that?"

"Of course," he said. I could hear him smiling. "It was just an accident."

"Oh, I'm sure."

He hooked my bra back together and ran his hands down my back onto my hips, pressing his body against mine. His hands rested on my hips playing with the belt loops of my pants, heading for my button and zipper. I grabbed his hand and turned around to face him.

"Do you know why Benjamin moved up the wedding?"

"No," whispered Jeremy. "He didn't say on the phone."

"Because he wants to screw me," I said pulling my shirt over my head. Jeremy frowned at me but raised his eyebrows.

"Is that supposed to shock me?"

"Jeremy," I sighed picking up the hideous dress and moving out from behind the mirror. "The point is he moved up the wedding because he's lusting after me and if Lady Marie is around to keep him in line then nothing will happen…and even then it's still come close."

I sighed and hung up the dress.

"He never loved me," I whispered sadly looking in the mirror. I blinked and saw Jeremy standing behind me. He had a serious looking on his face and I turned to look him in the eye.

"He did," he said. "He didn't use you when he and Marie had separated. Ben isn't me Addison. If he hurt you it was unintentional. And I'm sure that he _does_ love you, you're just also a more attractive woman then Marie. You're sexier, smarter, funnier, more adventurous…you're just _more_. End of story."

"If I'm so much better then why is he marrying her?"

"We've had this discussion already."

"He claims that he loves her," I said crossing my arms over my chest. "He said that he loves her for different reasons then he loves me. I told him that the reasons he loves her are better for him then the reasons he loves me. He loves her because she's perfect for his world. He loves that she's nobility; she has manners, class, money. What do I have? I have an education that I'm not putting to use, sarcasm, and no social standing or money. She wins when it comes to the future Queen role. Not to mention that I don't want to be Queen."

"That's why he loves you," Jeremy said coming closer to me and taking my hands. "Don't you see? He loves you because you take him away from all of this." He motioned around him. "You take him away from the responsibilities he has to his people, to his country. You make him free. When he is with you he is just another person…he's normal."

I frowned and glared at him.

"Seriously Jeremy, who's side are you on?"

"I don't think there are sides in this battle."

"Then it can't be a battle."

"You're smart too," he said pinching my cheek affectionately. "Smarter then Marie anyways."

"I think that's arguable," said a voice. I looked past Jeremy's shoulder and my heart plummeted into my stomach. Lady Marie was standing in the doorway, looking skinny and gorgeous in a small half-sleeve shirt dress that I had seen on the Juicy Couture website a few weeks ago when I had been internet shopping. I had wanted to buy that dress but there was no way I was going to spend nearly two hundred dollars on a dress.

"Really?" Jeremy said back. "And what would you argue, Marie?"

"Who's the smarter woman?" Marie asked stepping into the room in her tight little heels. "The one who hooks a man and devotes her life to his so she can be his Queen, or the one who fucks him and hangs him out to dry and is stuck, years later, resorting to English womanizing pigs because it's the only thing she can get?"

"The later," said Jeremy. "If the English womanizing pig you're referring to is me."

"It's cute that he defends you Addison," she said in her bitter cruel voice that made me want to rip her throat out. "Really you have him wrapped around your finger well. I suppose you're the seductive Siren of Genovia. You're very good at what you do. But Benjamin isn't wrapped around your finger anymore. He has my little fingers to be wrapped around."

"If he's so wrapped around you why does he come to me?" I asked glaring at her.

"Because he's under the impression that you're still an innocent little girl who is hopelessly devoted to him," Marie said bitterly. "I can see through that though. I know you're trying to ruin our wedding, but I'm not going to let it happen. Benjamin loves me. He just wants to screw you." She looked me over. "Not that I can see why…I hope the seamstress found a way for that dress to fit you. It's meant for a size 3, not a size 7."

"I fill it better then the rest of the bride's maids, so I'm happy with that," I retorted. Marie's eyes narrowed.

"If it were up to me I'd have you no where near the wedding," she said.

"And I thought you had Benjamin wrapped," I said twirling my finger in the air. "He is a human being you know…imagine him having feelings and thoughts. He's not just some piece of meat that comes with a throne and money."

Lady Marie shrugged.

"He's the best piece of meat I've ever hooked so I'm happy."

She smirked at me and turned, walking out of the room slowly. I saw Jeremy tilt his head to the side, looking at her butt as she swished her hips. I hit his shoulder sharply once she had gone.

"What!?" he snapped back rubbing his shoulder. "You have a much better ass."

"Thanks," I said crossing my arms over my chest. "Every time I see her I want to strangle her, or at least rip out her diamond earrings."

"That's vicious," he said with a smile. He sat down in the chair that my Mother had been sitting in before. I smiled at him wickedly.

"I think it's funny that she thinks I'm doing all of this on purpose. As if I want to be caught in a love triangle with Benjamin. She's accusing me of being able to trap Benjamin like he was a helpless idiot. She's accusing me of doing what she's doing! She makes me feel like I _should _stop this wedding"

Jeremy looked out the window for a moment as he spoke.

"Maybe you should."

"What?"

He looked back at me and my shocked face.

"Maybe you should stop the wedding."

"And have Benjamin hate me forever?" I whispered. "I don't think so."

"You'd be doing him a favor."

"Hey you two."

I looked up and couldn't believe that Benjamin had just walked into the room. I sighed and turned around, leaning against the mirror.

"Is something wrong?" Benjamin asked slowly. I could feel his eyes on me.

"No," Jeremy said quickly. "But stop looking at her like that Ben. Marie will poke your eyes out."

"What?" Benjamin said as I turned around pressing my back against the mirror. "I'm not looking at her like anything…"

"I'm just saying," shrugged Jeremy. "You never know how a woman will react if she sees her man gawking at another woman."

"I was not gawking."

"I'm standing right here you know," I said harshly. Benjamin looked at me with some concern and I couldn't even look at him. I didn't want to think about the last time we had been alone when he had tried to seduce me.

"What's the matter?" Benjamin asked looking between me and then Jeremy.

"Nothing—"

"Something—"

I glared at Jeremy who had spoke at the same time as me. Now Benjamin would know that something was definitely wrong, and it had something to do with me.

"Listen, mate," said Jeremy leaning forward in his chair. "I'm just a little worried about your girl."

Benjamin closed the doors of the room and looked at Jeremy with raised eyebrows.

"Why?"

I rubbed my head and closed my eyes while wishing desperately that I could disappear and not be apart of this conversation. The fact that Benjamin had closed the door hinted to me that there could very possibly be some yelling to come.

"Addison," Jeremy said looking at me and standing up. "Will you excuse us for a moment? I want to talk to Ben alone…best man to groom."

I nodded, happy to leave. I went straight to the door with both men watching me and closed it slowly behind me, leaving it open a centimeter. I wanted to hear what Jeremy said to Benjamin.

"I'm your best mate, Ben," Jeremy said. "And I wouldn't say anything if I didn't think that something was wrong. I just, well, I don't know if Lady Marie is the woman you should be marrying."

"Excuse me?"

"How much do you really know about her?" Jeremy asked.

"I've known her for nearly eight years now," Benjamin said.

"That doesn't mean you know her," retorted Jeremy. "She could have just been telling you what you wanted to hear."

"I don't believe this," Benjamin said. "Of all the times to come up with this bullshit! If you never liked her you could have said something years before Jeremy! Why now?"

"Because she's accusing Addison of trying to stop your wedding," Jeremy said his voice rising. "Because you're being too much of a damned fool caught in some kind of fantasy to realize she's treating your best friend ,a better friend then I'd ever be to you, like she is a piece of crap. And you do nothing to defend her."

"Addison doesn't need defending," Benjamin said. "She's a big girl she can take care of herself."

"I know," Jeremy said. "I saw her defend herself to Marie better then I could. Your fiancée called Addison a Siren. Marie seems to think that Addison has you wrapped around her finger to do whatever she wants, to come to her when you need something sexual."

"She doesn't think that," said Benjamin. I wanted to smack him. Why was he being such a stone-headed idiot? "Marie and Addison don't get along, but Marie would never accuse Addison of that."

"The woman who has you wrapped around her finger is Marie," Jeremy's voice was growing even louder. I wasn't sure what or who he was fighting for. Was he fighting for Benjamin's better interest because he thought Ben was marrying a lying cheating wench of a woman or was he fighting for me so I could have the chance to love? I bit my bottom lip and continued to listen.

"Addison loves you Benjamin and you choose to look at her as a sexual object. Some brain spasm has you thinking that Marie is a better woman to love, marry and spend the rest of your life with even though Addison out-shines her in so many ways. Addison would do anything for you and that's why she stands for your crap. She lies, telling you she doesn't love you because she'd rather lie and hurt herself then hurt you, your marriage, or your thrown. She'd rather spend the rest of her life unhappy so you can marry Marie for the fake happiness that you've alluded yourself to having."

"What do you know about any of this Jeremy? If Addison is so great why don't you take her and love her better then I can?"

"Because she doesn't want me you idiot!" Jeremy yelled. "This isn't about me Benjamin! This is about you marrying the wrong woman! The woman you should be marrying is going to stand up in that ugly bride's maids dress and let you marry _Lady_ Marie who gives shame to the title Lady. I just pray to God that you don't let Marie influence your political policies, otherwise Genovia is fucked."

Before I could get away from the door it opened and Jeremy ran straight into me, but he pushed us into the hall slamming the door. He looked down at me and my shocked eyes.

"Oh don't look so shocked," he said straightening his coat.

"Why'd you do that?"

"Because you care about him so much you just want him to be happy," he said. "Even if you think what he's doing won't bring him happiness."

Jeremy turned and walked down the hall. My mouth was hanging open slightly and my legs really wanted to run but they were numb. I had to fix this. Jeremy had it all wrong….I couldn't…I had already worked it out in my head that it was better that Benjamin and I never happened…I had already made myself believe that he had used me, didn't love, only lusted for me, and was definitely not going to leave Marie.

I opened the door before I really knew what I was going to do or say and closed it, leaning against it and staring at Benjamin. He was sitting in a chair with his head in his hands.

"I don't know what to do," he whispered.

"I don't either."

He looked up at me and pushed his hair back.

"Is everything he said true?"

"Well," I said. "I don't know about _everything_."

"Addison," Benjamin sighed. I went to him and knelt in front of him.

"Only you can decide if you're making a mistake marrying Lady Marie Benjamin. I don't like her. I don't. Jeremy was being honest about how she treats me, but I've got thick skin. I've dealt with worse people in New York. I really, honestly, don't know what you see in her but I know you have to have seen something. You're not a fool, Benjamin. And you need to trust your heart."

"I'm frustrated Addy," he said standing up and leaving me kneeling on the ground. "You tell me you don't love me, Jeremy says you do. I want you, I feel as if I love you, but I love Marie. I don't know what to do."

"Benjamin," I said. He looked at me as if hoping I would give him all the answers. I felt incredibly weak at that moment. I didn't know the answers at all. It was all so confusing. I didn't know if I loved Benjamin, or if I didn't. I didn't know if he loved me, or if he just lusted after me. I wasn't sure if I had any feelings for Jeremy or if he just knew how to read me better then any person ever. "I don't know how I feel. I'm confused and frustrated too. But I don't think that my feelings should be something that you use to weigh whether you should marry Marie or not. Your heart should know that answer…I don't know where all of that stuff came from with Jeremy. I thought we had discussed this already in the study. I thought you only wanted me because you weren't getting any from Marie."

"Why is this so complicated?" he asked rubbing his face. Part of me was angry that he didn't correct me. That he didn't say that he wanted more then my body…that he wanted anything else but sex…it hurt a lot. Some of me felt like I didn't know Benjamin at all. Who was more of a pig, Jeremy or Benjamin?

"It doesn't have to be," I said standing up and shrugging. "You don't have to worry about it. Like I've said before…I'm not in love with you, I'm not going to fall in love with you, and I'll support you in anything you do. But you have to make a decision. I can't have Marie insulting me because she thinks that I'm a seductive Siren who's going to trick you into bed."

"I don't understand why she didn't come to me," he said. "Why didn't she come talk to me about her worries of being threatened by you?"

"Because she's a woman and she was guarding her territory," I shrugged. "Most women blame the other women whether she be responsible or not. Natural instinct I suppose."

"Jeremy's right though. I shouldn't let her walk all over you like that. You're my best friend and you've always been there for me…and even now you still support my decision to marry her after she's insulted you. Will you excuse me, Addy, I have to go think…"

He walked out of the bedroom and I sighed holding my chest and sitting down on the couch. He just left and everything seemed to be lifted off my chest. I looked at the mirror across the room.

"I'm free of him," I whispered. And I felt like it. I felt that there was nothing I found attractive of Benjamin anymore. I couldn't be attracted to a man who was letting his fiancée hurt me, his best friend, and I couldn't be attracted to a man who only wanted me for my body.

As I basked in my calm joy and freedom I thought of Jeremy…was he defending me because he cared about me?

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. I needed to stop thinking about things, it created too much drama.


	9. After The Rehearsal Dinner

Three days before the wedding it was still on and I hadn't spoken to Benjamin since the scene the day I had my dress fitted

Three days before the wedding it was still on and I hadn't spoken to Benjamin since the scene the day I had my dress fitted. I had to assume that he and Lady Marie were still getting married, and everyone else in the palace had to assume the same thing. I was personally surprised that the press had not heard anything about the royal love triangle. I don't know if Thomas had anything to do with that and was incredible at his job, or if it was just a private matter that had for once been kept private. Either way, I felt something horrible in my stomach and I knew something bad was going to happen at the wedding, or before it. Sooner or later the press would know of the love triangle…unless Benjamin called off the wedding now and Lady Marie bowed out gracefully. But there was no way that was going to happen.

"Have you thought of a way to stop the wedding?" asked Jeremy lying next to me on my bed (fully dressed I might add). We had just gone for a jog together and he had followed me into my suite as we talked. I sat up and told him to get his sweaty body off my bed sheets and he smiled. "We could get naked and you'd be perfectly okay with my sweaty body on your bed sheets."

I couldn't help but smile as I kicked off my shoes.

"Should I take that as a yes?" he smirked kicking off his own.

"No!" I said turning to him quickly and kneeling on the bed. He grabbed my shorts and pulled me down to him, kissing my lips softly. "What were you saying about stopping the wedding?"

"I asked if you thought of a way to stop it," he said against my neck. His hands were wandering over my stomach and thighs. I put my arm on his chest and propped my head up.

"I haven't thought of a way to stop the wedding," I said softly. "I don't want to stop the wedding."

Jeremy stopped kissing my neck and looked at me sharply with raised eyebrows.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I don't want to stop the wedding. I just want Benjamin to be happy."

"With a cheating black widow spider like Lady Marie?"

"If he's happy and thinks that she'll be a good Queen then that's all that matters."

"No, no," Jeremy said sitting up and taking my hands. I frowned a little, I liked lying on his chest more. "What matters is that you love him and should be with him."

I looked Jeremy in the eyes.

"If I love Benjamin why am I lying in bed with you?" I whispered. "And why are you pushing this so much? I was shocked by what you said to him the other day when you arrived. Were you saying it because you truly think he's making a mistake, or did you say it for me, because you care about me?"

Jeremy looked at me like I had just accused him of murder. I was a fool. How could I ever think that Jeremy Hiller would care about me or any woman for that matter?

"I think Ben is making a mistake," he said getting off the bed. I frowned and put my hands in my lap. "I think that Lady Marie has a bigger ego then she lets Ben see. He's the closest friend I've ever had. And I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't tell him he was making a mistake."

"Where are you going?" I whispered.

"To shower," he said looking back at me. "I'm sweaty."

I smiled a little and he grinned at me, pinching my cheek softly.

"Jeremy," I said grabbing his hand. "I had a realization the other day."

"Oh yea?"

"I don't love Benjamin," I whispered. "I can't love him. He isn't who I thought he was."

"So you're sleeping with me to push him from you mind?" Jeremy asked. "Really, Addison, telling me that I'm your rebound won't help boost my ego."

"I just don't want you to think that I still love him," I whispered.

"Part of me would rather you did," he said letting my hand slip from his. "Then I would know that it really is meaningless hot sexy we were having. And I would believe you when you say that's what we're doing."

"Jeremy," I said standing up as he walked out of the room. He walked across the suite quickly and opened the door.

"I'll see you at the rehearsal," he said. He was gone before I could say a word. I sighed and jumped in anger, stomping my feet on the ground. Why was I such a freaking drama queen, and a girl? I tried to wash my frustration with myself away in the shower with my sweat.

* * *

I was late of the rehearsal. I came sliding into the ballroom because I had been running through the halls of the palace. I almost fell over, everyone was lined up as they would be for the entrance of Lady Marie, who was actually already in the room. I forced a smile and took my spot in line behind Marie's older sister, the matron of honor. I felt incredibly out of place standing in the line of bride's maids across from the groomsmen because I was the only brunette in the line. Every eye was on me, even Benjamin's.

"Sorry," I said.

Jeremy shook his head at me but smiled and I returned it. I saw Benjamin's eyes move back to Jeremy and Jeremy shrugged.

"Thank you Miss Belle for joining us," said the Bishop who'd be marrying Benjamin and Marie. "Now, Marie, the music will start and you'll enter with your Father."

So that was the old man standing at the doors with Marie. I looked down the ballroom to them with everyone else as they walked in. I spotted my Mother standing near the patio doors as she spoke with some of the servants. She was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. I could tell she was in pain.

"Alright people let's take it from the top," said the Bishop.

I frowned. I had been thinking about my Mother instead of listening to the wedding vows. Jeremy took my elbows and leaned into my ear as we walked back to the ballroom doors.

"What are you doing after?" he whispered.

"You're not mad at me?"

"Why would I be?" he asked.

"You seemed like it when you left today."

"Are you busy later?"

"No," I said. "Want to grab something to eat?"

"Aren't we having a dinner with everyone here?"

"Addison," he sighed. "Why do you make things so complicated?"

"Because I would be like every other girl you take out if I didn't ask questions."

"I knew there was a reason I liked you," he said.

"Alright everyone," said the Bishop. "Let's go."

Jeremy stepped up and took the matron's arm, leading her down the isle. The next groomsmen stepped up and took my arm.

"Hi, I'm Addison."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," he said looking me up and down. "I'm Andrew."

I blinked and looked up at him, then forced a smile. He began to move down the isle and I followed his lead.

"Are you one of Benjamin's friends?"

"No," said Andrew. "I've known Marie my whole life."

"Oh," I said nodding my head and forcing a charming smile.

After the rehearsal everyone took seats in the dinning room for dinner. I took a seat next to Jeremy and immediately leaned over to him.

"Did you know that Andrew is in the wedding party?" I asked.

"Yes," he said blinking at me. "He's your groomsman."

"Isn't the guy that Marie cheated with named Andrew?"

Jeremy stared at me for a few seconds.

"I thought you didn't want to stop the wedding," he whispered.

Someone clinked their spoon against their glass and the room got silent. It was Queen Amelia. She stood up and raised her glass.

"I'd like to toast my son Benjamin, and my future daughter-in-law Marie," she said in her happy voice. "You two have known each other for so long it's hard to think that you are just now getting married. I know that I speak for everyone here at this table when I say that I wish you a long and happy life together. To happiness."

"And broken hearts," I muttered lifting my glass as everyone else did.

"What'd you say?" Jeremy asked.

"Something my Mother taught me," I smiled.

"Right," he said slowly as food was placed in front of us. He was staring at me and I couldn't help but feel like he was staring right through me. What he was seeing in me, I don't know, and I probably would never know, but it gave me chills that I had never felt before.

I turned to face my food and began to eat slowly.

"I didn't want to stop the wedding," I said picking up our conversation where we had left it before Queen Amelia interrupted with her toast. "But what if Andrew and Marie are still sleeping together? I wouldn't be surprised if they were—"

"Addison," said Jeremy quickly. "Let's talk about this later."

"Oh, right," I said looking around me. He was right. This probably wasn't the best place to accuse the bride of having an affair.

The dinner from then on was rather boring, until the woman sitting next to me stood up and left the table and Andrew took her seat. I had a horrible feeling in my stomach as he sat down. I was not in the mood to be hit on by the man who was cheating with Lady Marie.

"Hello again," he said with a charming smile. It was now time for dessert and the servants placed a wonderful looking piece of pear pie in front of everyone.

"Hello Andrew."

"Is this pear pie?" Jeremy asked on my other side. I nodded.

"Genovian specialty," I smiled. He nodded and tried his pie cautiously.

"It's good," I laughed poking Jeremy's shoulder.

"I don't believe we've been officially introduced," said Andrew reaching his hand across me. "Andrew Hallten, Lady Marie's best friend."

"Jeremy Hiller," Jeremy said taking Andrew's hand and giving it a shake. "The best man."

"A pleasure, a pleasure," Andrew said. "Listen, Addison, do you want to get out of here so we can get to know each other better?"

I looked at him slightly surprised as I put down my fork and picked up my napkin.

"I actually have plans already Andrew," I said politely, even though I wanted to be anything but polite. I glanced at Jeremy who was eating his pie slowly, but obviously ease dropping on our conversation.

"Oh, well that's a shame," said Andrew. "I was hoping to get you alone so I could learn more about your charming personality." He was reaching out and touching my earring. I smiled slightly and looked him over. What was he playing at?

"You know maybe I could push back my plans a bit to spend sometime with you," I said. I heard Jeremy cough and I smiled more. "Do you want to go for a walk in the gardens?"

"Sure," he said standing up and holding out his hand for me to take.

"Oh you go ahead, I have to speak with Jeremy quickly, then I'll be along," I said.

Andrew said good bye to Jeremy and walked away towards the open patio doors to wait for me. I leaned over to Jeremy.

"We can go out after I get back."

"Are you going to sleep with him too?" Jeremy questioned with raised eyebrows.

I hit him.

"I idea of rubbing up against any man's body after Marie has is disgusting."

Jeremy frowned.

"Didn't I tell you she and I—"

"Shut up. That's a bad joke," I said in shock and hitting him again. He laughed and caught my hand. "Worried about losing me?"

"I just don't want to lose to Andrew," he said pressing his lips against my fingers.

"Oh I see," I said pulling my hand from him. "I'll meet you in your room in about a half hour."

"Perfect love," he said in his charming voice. I bid him farewell and stood up.

Andrew offered his arm to me on the patio and I took it. He ushered me down the steps and into the gardens.

"You grew up here in Genovia?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. "The palace was like my second home. Benjamin and I grew up together."

"Like Marie and I," said Andrew nodding his head. "We were playmates our whole lives."

_You could say that again_, I thought.

"Do you feel like they're making a mistake?"

"I beg your pardon?" He asked looking at me.

"Marie and Benjamin," I said as we walked by some large olive trees. "Do you think they're rushing into things moving the wedding up so quickly?"

"I don't know," whispered Andrew. "Marie doesn't make many mistakes, but…" He didn't finish his sentence.

"But what?" I asked stopping and looking up at him.

"Don't be offended, I just don't like Benjamin very much."

"It's alright," I said continuing to walk down the gravel path with him. "But what does that have to do with Marie and Benjamin making a mistake?"

"Marie doesn't see Benjamin's flaws," whispered Andrew. "And she most certainly doesn't realize the responsibilities she will inherit by marrying him. I think she makes a better Lady then a Queen."

"I think Benjamin is making a mistake too," I whispered.

"And why do you think that?"

I glanced up at Andrew.

"Andrew, can I be honest with you?"

"Of course," he said stopping and sitting down on a bench. He was holding my hands as I sat down next to him. I wasn't lookin at him and he turned my chin to look up in his eyes. Before I could even speak he leaned in and kissed me deeply on the lips. I pulled away completely shocked, jumping up to my feet.

"What are you doing?" I snapped loudly.

"You didn't want me to kiss you? Isn't that why we came out here?"

"No!" I shuddered and hit his shoulder. "How dare you assume that I wanted to just fool around with you!? Just because you can't get onto Lady Marie doesn't mean you can—" I didn't mean to say that. It had just slipped out in my anger. Shit. Andrew was on his feet, and he grabbed my arm.

"What did you say?" he hissed.

"Nothing! Let go of me!"

"What did you say about Lady Marie?" he yelled shaking me.

"Get your hands off of me!" I yelled over him. I pulled from his grasp and stepped back a few feet, holding my arm and glaring in his direction.

"I could have any woman I wanted," he snapped. There was anger in his eyes and I sudden felt incredibly vulnerable. We were alone in the gardens and it was growing dark. We were to far from the gates for any guards to hear us, and too far from the palace to be seen. "Lady Marie is no different! She has come to me for many years and I know she'll continue to because her dear Benjamin can hardly satisfy her!"

I was shocked by his outburst and it was clear in his eyes that he hadn't meant to say it.

"What are you talking about?" I said in shock. "You and Marie have been having an affair?"

Andrew said nothing, and came at me quickly, grabbing my arms and holding me firmly against him.

"Don't be so naïve," he said. "Benjamin isn't nearly the man that I am. He couldn't give her what she wanted."

"Benjamin is more of a man then you'll ever be," I said slamming my heel into his foot and lifting my knee into his groin. He grunted and keeled over, holding his middle. I turned and walked away quickly, looking over my shoulder a few times to make sure he wasn't following me.

I hadn't realized that I had been out with Andrew for nearly forty minutes, so by the time I had reached Jeremy's room it was a quarter to eight. He stood up from the bed when I entered the room and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Were you a little busy? Loose track of the time?" he asked.

"Oh shut it," I said sitting down on the bed and putting my head in my hands. I could feel Jeremy's eyes on me and he sat down next to me. "He grabbed me."

"What?"

Jeremy lifted my face and looked me in the eye. His eyes moved from my face to my arms where bruises were starting to appear from where Andrew had grabbed my arms.

"What the hell happened?"

"He kissed me and I pulled away and then he started yelling that he could have any woman, even Marie," I whispered. "I asked him if they were having an affair and he grabbed me. I was afraid he would hurt me, Jeremy."

"Why did you go with him?" he asked.

"I wanted to know if they were having an affair."

"You could have been seriously hurt."

"I'm fine."

"I'm going to kick his ass," he said standing up. I grabbed his collar and pulled him back down to me, kissing him on the lips. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me deeply. "Sure you're okay?"

"I'll live," I whispered kissing him again. "I kicked his ass."

"Good to know," Jeremy smiled tucking my curls behind my ear. "Ben always said you could take care of yourself."

"It'll teach you not to piss me off," I moved my lips to Jeremy's neck and kissed him softly.

"Ready to go out?"

"Can't we stay here for now?" I asked starting to unbutton his shirt.

"I was hoping to take you out—"

I pushed him down on the bed and laid on top of him.

"Are you passing up the chance to have sex with me, Jeremy?" I asked opening his shirt and rubbing my hands over his smooth well built torso.

"If I said yes, what would you think?"

"That you're ill," I kissed his chest.

"I'm not ill."

"Good," I said undoing his belt. He smiled and lifted me up, rolling over and kissing me deeply as he rubbed his body over mine. I laughed and wrapped my arms around him.

It was three thirty in the morning when I got up and left Jeremy's bedroom. I didn't think a good idea to spend the whole night with him the night before the wedding. He watched me as I dressed and then bid me good night (almost undressing me again while giving me one last kiss).

I walked down the halls quickly. It was kind of creepy how quiet the palace was at that time of night. The halls were dark, and it was so quiet I was sure someone would hear me moving through the halls. I felt like the slight creek of my suite door opening was enough to wake the whole palace.

When I entered the suite I was slightly surprised to see the lights of my Mother's bedroom on. I walked to her door and pushed it open a little. She was lying in bed under the covers with her reading book on her lap. Her eyes were closed and her glasses around her chest. I moved in with a small smile and picked up her glasses and book. Looking at her, my heart skipped a beat. She didn't look like she was breathing.

"Mom?" I said taking her hand. She was warm, but clammy. "Mom, wake up."

I shook her hand as I leaned in to hear if she was breathing.

"Oh god—no," I said gripping her hand tightly. "Mom!"

I didn't know what to do. My eyes filled with tears as I searched for a pulse with my fingers. I couldn't find one. I didn't even know if I was looking in the right spot. My mind was racing. What was I supposed to be doing? Why wasn't she waking up?

I grabbed the phone by her bed and dialed the emergency number. I was put through to the security guard who was awake at the front desk at the palace entrance.

"Good evening Ms Belle, is there a problem?"

"No, this is Addison, her daughter. My Mother won't wake up, I need help. She's not breathing. I think she's, I think she's," but I couldn't finish the sentence. I couldn't say that my Mother was dead.


	10. Facing Reality

I was shaking on the couch of my Mother's suite. Her body was gone, they had taken it away. I don't know where they took it. I couldn't really think straight. The only thing that kept ringing in my head was that my Mother was gone. She was gone. It didn't matter where she was, she wasn't here and she was never going to come back.

Someone had stripped the sheets of the bed and remade it. It looked fresh, like my Mother had never touched it. I was staring at the bed, where she had died, and I'm not really sure why. It wasn't going to make it better. The bed wasn't going to apologize for being the place where my Mother took her last breath.

"Addison," said a voice.

I blinked and looked up at Benjamin who was walking into the suite in jeans and a tee shirt. He looked like he had just gotten out of the shower, clean and handsome. I probably looked like hell in the dress that I had worn yesterday to the rehearsal. I hadn't slept that night, my hair was messy (from the sex with Jeremy before and the stress of finding my Mother), and my eyes were red and puffy.

I didn't say anything, only moved on the couch, repositioning my legs under me as he approached. He sat down next to me and rubbed my shoulder, not saying anything at first.

"I'm sorry for ruining your wedding day," I whispered.

"Don't be stupid," he said. "Other things ruined my wedding day before your Mother's death, and I would hardly say this ruined it."

"What are you talking about?"

"Addy," Benjamin said slowly. "I'm going to call off the wedding."

"What?" I said in shock. "Because of my Mother?"

"Well this is hardly the appropriate time to be having a wedding, don't you think?" Benjamin shook his head. "Really, I saw Marie with Andrew, one of the groom's men, last night. They were closer then friends should be, and his hand up her dress seemed a little inappropriate."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Your Mother's death isn't the reason why I'm calling off the wedding," he shrugged. "You and Jeremy were right about Marie all along…I don't even know her."

Jeremy…where was Jeremy? I wanted to see him badly. I knew he could make this right somehow. He'd make my Mother leaving me right….He'd do a hell of a lot better job at making me feel better then Benjamin was right now.

"I'm sorry Benjamin."

"I am too," he said taking my hand and squeezing it. "I'm sorry about your Mother. She was like a second Mother to me. I loved her very much."

"Is this how if felt when your Father died?" I whispered. Benjamin and I had never talked about his Father. It was just an understanding we had. I don't think anyone really talked about King Nicolas.

"How do you feel?"

"Numb," I sighed. "Empty."

"Yes," Benjamin nodded. "From what I remember that's how it felt. I didn't fully understand what had happened, Addy. I was eight…but I do remember feeling lost and incomplete." He looked at me, tilting my chin so I was looking him in the eye, and took my hands. "It will never be okay that she's gone Addy, but I promise that it does get better. You may always feel empty, but that feeling gets smaller."

"I don't know how it could," I sighed with small tears in my eyes. "No one could ever make me feel the way she did. She was my Mother Benjamin, and now she's gone. How am I going to go on? What am I going to do now?"

"You're going to stay here with me," he said holding me against him tightly. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"Oh Benjamin," I sighed pulling away from him. "Please, can you leave me be. I just want to be alone."

"I don't think you should be alone right now Addy," he said standing up behind me. I moved to my bedroom and closed the door tightly. "Addison." He said knocking against my door. I locked it tightly and he tried to open it. "I just don't want you to be alone. I know this is going to be hard."

"I'm fine Benjamin, please leave me alone," I said through the door.

He stopped knocking and there was silence. I hoped he had gone away. Leaving the door locked, I walked to my bed and collapsed on it, tears rolling down my cheeks as soon as I hit the sheets. I pulled my comforter over me and fell asleep in my tears.

* * *

Someone pulled the curtains back on my window and sunlight flashed in front of my eyes. I blinked and sat up quickly, looking around in confusion. I could make out a figure in front of the window and I rubbed my eyes trying to make out who it was. If it was Benjamin I would kill him.

"Go away," I sighed still unsure of whom it was. I laid back down and pulled the sheets over my head. I felt the person lay down on my bed and I sat up angry, ready to attack them.

"Do you really want me to go away?"

It was Jeremy. No. I didn't want him to go away.

"How'd you get in here?" I asked pushing my hair out of my face. "I locked the door."

"I picked the lock," he said with a sly smile. "Ben said you were upset so I thought I'd come and see you…he warned me not to though. Said you wanted to be alone, but I couldn't believe that." He pushed my hair behind my ear.

"I just want—I don't want anyone," I pushed his hand away. "Please stop touching me."

"Alright," he said with a frown. He dropped his hand on the bed. "I'll go if you want me too."

"No," I said rolling over and lying back down. "I don't want you to go, just to stop touching me."

"I think you should change your clothes," he whispered. "You're still in your dress from the rehearsal dinner."

I knew he was right. I should change.

"I'm going to take a shower," I said getting out of the bed. Had Jeremy come up here to push me around because he knew I had no motivation to shower or change myself? I turned before leaving the room and glared at him. "I just want you to know that I—"

"Spare me the compliments," he said.

I glared at him.

"I hate you," I said and turned, leaving the room to go shower.

It felt good to shower. The hot water relaxed my body and washed away a little bit of my pain. But when I got out of the shower and looked at myself in the mirror I saw nothing but my Mother. I rubbed my baggy eyes and walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. It was never going to get better.

Jeremy was still lying on my bed when I entered my room. I had tried not to look at my Mother's bed as I walked through the suite. He watched me as I walked to my closet and I was quite surprised when he didn't make any comments about wanting to watch me undress. I changed into a pair of sweat pants and a tee shirt and towel dried my hair.

"Better?" he asked when I reappeared and laid down on the bed.

"Yes."

"Good," he said putting his hands behind his head.

"Are you here to give me a prep talk?" I asked. "Make me feel better about losing my Mother?"

"No," he said. "I'm just here in case you want me to make you feel better, or you want to talk. I wouldn't mind sleeping…that's cool too."

I rolled over and looked at him.

"Jeremy," I whispered.

"Yes, Addison," he whispered looking at me with those dark charming eyes.

"Benjamin is going to call off the wedding."

"He already has," said Jeremy softly.

"What?"

He pointed to the clock.

"It's five in the evening," he said. "If he was still getting married we'd be at a wedding right now."

"Oh," I said looking at the clock. "Oh, I've slept all day."

"Rightly so."

"Did Lady Marie leave?"

"Yes," said Jeremy. "I'm sorry you missed it. She made quite a scene in the study with Benjamin when he told her. They argued for hours. And then Andrew left with her. She threatened Benjamin and told him he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life, and he assured her that he hadn't. The biggest mistake was proposing to her."

"Damn," I sighed laying back. "I missed it."

"Well now you can have Benjamin all to yourself," Jeremy said.

"Why would I want that?" I asked.

"You really don't love him? I find it hard to believe that you just turned those feelings off like that," he snapped his fingers as he finished his statement.

"I don't want to be with him Jeremy," I said. "He's one of my best friends and I care about him deeply, but he's arrogant, he doesn't care about me or love me the way that a man who loves me would, and he only wants me for my body. When he came here to comfort me he talked about himself and how he wasn't getting married…as if that was supposed to make me feel better. I was so angry at him. That's why I locked myself in here. I didn't want to be near him."

Jeremy looked at me very seriously.

"That's how you really feel?"

"Yea," I nodded. "I'm very turned off by Benjamin."

"Are you turned on by me?" he asked touching my thigh softly. I batted at his hand.

"Jeremy," I whispered looking up at him. He smiled sadly and pulled me to his chest, holding me tightly against his body. With out evening knowing why, I began to cry again against his chest. Everything seemed to flood my system and I was crying again.

"I'm right here," he whispered stroking my hair. "Let it all out…you're fine."

He said nothing else, just held me, and that's what I needed. I didn't want to heart that it was going to be okay. I didn't want anyone to tell me it was going to get better. I was happy that he just held me and kept me warm. I fell asleep in his arms and when I woke up it was dark in the bedroom.

He was gone. I sighed and rolled over and sat up in bed. Rubbing my eyes, I blinked and looked around the room. I wasn't in my room. I looked to the bed and saw that it had been slept in. Looking around the dark room, I saw the light on under the bathroom door. It was Jeremy's bedroom I was in. How the hell did I get down here?

The bathroom door open and the light flipped off. Jeremy walked into the room without his shirt on. He threw a towel into the hamper and looked at me on the bed.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hi," I whispered rubbing my face. I was incredibly hot. I removed my pants and Jeremy smirked.

"Do you want help taking the rest off?"

"No," I said. "I'm hot."

"Yes…" he leaned close to me and kissed my cheek.

"How'd I get here?"

"I brought you up here," he whispered. "I didn't want you to be alone and I thought it'd be better for you to be somewhere other then your suite."

I nodded.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Anything for you," he kissed my neck. His skin and hair were wet. I played with the string on his pants and let him kiss me.

"Come back to bed," I sighed. "Hold me, please?"

He smiled and crawled into the bed with me, pulling me close to his body. I brought the covers over us and cuddled close to him. He kissed my head and wrapped his arms around me.

* * *

Instead of a wedding there was a funeral at the palace that week. Queen Amelia was kind enough to take my Mother's funeral into her own hands and plan it. I wasn't able to. I couldn't even function regularly. I hadn't eaten in days, and spent most of my time in Jeremy's room, hiding from the world.

Jeremy was kind enough to acknowledge my pain. He never asked me to talk about it, only waited for me to speak when I wanted to. He brought me food knowing that I probably wouldn't eat it, and held me when I slept at night. I really owed him a great deal.

"Come on," he whispered to me as I sat on the bed in my black dress. "You don't want to be late."

"I don't want to go at all," I sighed wiping my cheeks. "If I go it means she's really gone Jeremy."

"You have to recognize it eventually Addison," he said. "And it's better that you recognize it now and move on with your life. Your Mother would not want you to dwell like you are. You're stronger then that."

"How do you know how strong I am?" I hissed with annoyance.

"Because I've seen your strength," he said taking my hands and lifting me up so I was standing. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I leaned against his chest like a pathetic child. "I've felt your strength." He tilted my chin up. "It's something that has puzzled me and always drawn me back to you. Your strength…I have never seen it in any woman before and it intrigues me to no end."

"Oh, stop," I whispered pulling out of his arms and walking to the dresser to look in the mirror. "I look like the plague."

"Because you haven't eaten."

I sighed. I knew he was right. I had to get over this. He was exactly right. My Mother would have wanted me to keep living, and she would have expected me to. Jeremy took my hand and we left the room together, heading down to the ballroom to face my fears and reality.


	11. Not So Meaningless

Jeremy stayed for the next three days, but eventually he had to go back to London

Jeremy stayed for the next three days, but eventually he had to go back to London. He had to get back to work, solving crimes and being a womanizing pig. He wouldn't let me forget it either.

"You don't want me to stay," he said as I lay on his chest the morning he was supposed to leave. His fingers were brushing through my hair and in my head I thought, I'm pretty sure that I don't want you to go.

"Why would you say that?" I asked rubbing against him and looking up into his eyes. They were beautiful blue eyes. I had never noticed how blue they were before.

"Because you don't want to spend more time with me, a womanizing pig."

"I think you just say you're a womanizing pig so you won't fall in love with anyone."

"Who is there here for me to fall in love with?" he asked with a devilish smile. I hit his chest and laid back down on the bed, facing away from him. I knew he was just teasing, and he knew that I wasn't really mad at him. He moved closer to me and wrapped his arm around my waist, pressing his groin against my back.

"I have no idea who'd you have here to fall in love with," I whispered. I bit my bottom lip.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not the falling in love type. I prefer just to have fun," he said kissing the back of my neck. "I've had a lot of fun with you Addy, I hope you have too."

"I have," I said rolling over and looking at him. His hand found my breast as we kissed deeply and I wrapped my arms and leg around him. He grabbed my thigh and pressed into me…continuing the good time we had together.

He was late because of me. I tried to keep him in bed as long as possible. He almost missed his plane. If I had kept him a little longer he wouldn't have made it at all. I was sad to see him go because he had been the one person who had helped me with my Mother's death. Now, I had to face the big bad world on my own. I was being a wuss. I had people who cared about me, I was not homeless, and I was being offered a really good job…but at the same time, all of those things did not feel the empty void.

Jeremy could tell I was upset before he was leaving. He told me to at least be happy that Benjamin wasn't getting married now. He was all mine. This wasn't as comforting as I think he thought it would be. He really didn't seem to understand that I didn't really love him.

"You love him," Jeremy whispered in my ear and then kissing me neck.

"Then why are you with me?"

"I'm attracted to women who are in love with other men," he whispered. "It's a weakness." He was so charming, standing there smiling at me like he was only attracted to my body. But the truth was every time he touched me or spoke my name I got butterflies…it was the feeling I had always expected to get from Benjamin but rarely did. Jeremy delivered all the time.

"What are you thinking?" he asked tilting my chin up.

"Nothing," I whispered. "Go on…I know you're late as it is."

"I'll call you when I land," he said touching my lips with his fingers.

I laughed a little.

"Why?" I asked. "You don't have to."

"I want to," he said.

I laughed again.

"I don't believe you."

"I know," he said holding my chin. "You know I'm going to prove you wrong."

"We'll see," I smiled. He kissed me deeply and wrapped his arms around me.

"I don't want to leave your lips," he whispered close to me. I felt his hand on my butt and he squeezed it tightly.

"Or my butt?" I joked.

He kissed me again.

"You're so funny," he said sarcastically.

"Thanks."

"Alright, I'm late. So later babe," he said squeezing me close against him again.

"Have a good flight."

"Eh, I'll try," he laughed. "Say good bye to Ben for me…the lucky bastard." He turned and walked away out of the entrance hall of the palace to his cab. I followed him a little and leaned in the door frame of the palace, watching him as he drove away. Why was Benjamin a lucky bastard now I wondered? Was it because he got to stay here at the palace with me, and Jeremy didn't? Or was it just because he was free of Marie and a bachelor again?

"Not hung up on Jeremy are you?" said a voice behind me. I jumped and turned around into Benjamin's chest. The sight of him made me frown slightly and I pulled away from him. What was he doing sneaking up on me?

"Benjamin," I said surprised. "I'm not hung up on Jeremy. We were just saying good bye."

"With caressing, long kisses and soft whispers?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"Were you _watching _us?" I asked slightly disgusted.

"I was coming to say good bye to my friend," he said. "I thought it better not to interrupt."

"I'm not hung up on Jeremy," I repeated. "If I didn't know better I'd say you're jealous." I moved around him and he grabbed my arm.

"What is there to be jealous of?" he said looking down at me. I glared at him.

I pulled my arm out of his and walked away quickly. I didn't want to argue with him again. I felt like we argued about the same thing every time. He was claiming to love me, but I was confused by how he loved…if he even loved me at all. I didn't like what he was putting me through. I didn't want to deal with it. It was just easier to be with out him.

I was moving up the stairs when he came after me.

"Addison," he said quickly.

I didn't stop and he called my name again.

"What?" I stopped sharply and looked down at him.

"Can we talk about this?"

"No," I said. "We've already talked about it. You're confused. You love Marie and she's hurt you badly, and you want my body—"

"I want more then that—" he said, but I held up my hand to stop him.

"Benjamin," I said slowly. "I have loved you since I was a senior. It has hurt. I thought I was over you, but then every time I saw you I couldn't not love you. And for you to tell me that you're in love with me, but you're also in love with Marie, and you were still going to marry her over me…well that hurts worse then anything. I don't think you want to hurt me, but I'm not playing games. You need to figure everything out for yourself. When you don't love Marie and I'm the only girl in your head then we can talk about being in love. I can't love someone who isn't sure _who_ they love."

"It's complicated."

"I know it is," I said sincerely. And I truly did, because even if I wouldn't admit it too myself then, I was falling for Jeremy when I still had strong feelings (even if I hated him sometimes) for Benjamin. "But I can't do this Benjamin. I'm sorry…I'm not going to be someone you just have sex with."

I turned around slowly and walked up the rest of the stairs.

"So you'll have meaningless sex with Jeremy, but not with me?" he said.

I stopped and looked at him.

"I'm using Jeremy as much as he is using me," I said. "And if we had sex Benjamin it may be meaningless to you, but it wouldn't to me. I'm not just some piece of ass."

"Then why are you acting like one?"

"Stop being an asshole!" I shouted with anger, my voice echoing on the marble staircase. "Stop it! I am not a whore! And sleeping with Jeremy doesn't make me one! I have the right to sleep with who ever the hell I want to and Jeremy doesn't make me feel like a piece of meat when we're sleeping together. I know Jeremy doesn't have feelings for me, and I don't have feelings for him but he doesn't make me feel like I'm there just to pleasure him. I have fun with him. You're making me feel like I'm a piece of meat!"

There were tears in my eyes because I didn't need this right now. I did not need to deal with my best friend telling me I was a whore because I was sleeping with his friend and not him when I was dealing with my Mother's death. I turned and walked away. I couldn't stand to look at him anymore.

When I reached my room I went straight to my Mother's bed and collapsed on it in tears. This was one of those moments that I needed her. I would be talking to her, listening to her comfort me and give me advice. I needed that…and I missed her more then anything in that moment. I realized then that she was gone and she would never be there for me again. I fell asleep in tears on her pillows. I couldn't leave the bed; all of my energy was gone.

My cell phone woke me up a few hours later and I was slightly ashamed that I was surprised that Jeremy was calling me.

"Hello?" I said rubbing my eyes.

"Did I wake you up?" his tender voice asked. I felt my heart melt.

"No."

"Liar," he said. I smiled and rolled over in the bed. "What's wrong? Did I leave you that depressed?"

"Benjamin saw us in the hall before you left," I whispered. "He and I argued."

"About?"

"He questioned why it was okay that I had meaningless sex with you but not with him."

"Because it would mean something with him."

I frowned a little. When Jeremy said it, it made me realize that it wasn't that at all. Sex meant something with Jeremy, even if we both denied it and called it meaningless. It meant _something_. I couldn't put a word to it or describe it…it just meant something. I suppose maybe meaningless is something. But when it came to Benjamin it would really mean nothing. I felt like I was being used by him. Jeremy never made me feel that way—even when we were out of the bedroom.

"Addison?"

"I think it would be meaningless with him," I whispered. "I don't want to have sex with him because he hurt me and I feel he only wants me for my body."

"So sex with me isn't meaningless?"

"It is," I said. "But you don't make me feel meaningless. You don't make me feel like a piece of meat. The way he was talking to me Jeremy was disrespectful. He was talking to me like I was a whore. He was angry I wasn't giving him what he wanted."

"That's not like Ben."

"I'm not so sure I know him at all anymore," I said sadly. "I told him that I couldn't deal with him when he was confused. And he agreed that it was complicated. I just feel like if it were meant to be it wouldn't be complicated."

"Are we complicated?" he asked.

I paused for a moment.

"No," I whispered. "I don't think so."

"Okay, good," he said.

I smiled.

"How was your flight?"

"Fine," he said. "Cramped, hot and uncomfortable like usual."

I laughed a little.

"That sounds like something I would say."

"Well it's the truth," he said. "Addison."

"Yes?" I whispered.

"What's your middle name?"

"Why?"

"Because I want to know," he said back slowly.

"Holly," I whispered.

"Addison Holly," he said. "That's cute."

"It was my grandmother's name," I said. "I guess its okay."

"Well its better then my middle name."

"What is it?"

"Jeremy Brenton," he said.

"Jeremy Brenton Hiller," I said very slowly. "I like it. It's sexy."

"Makes you want to tear my clothes off?"

"Yes," I said as I stretched in the bed.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked seriously.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I just wanted to make sure."

"I'm not that torn up that you're gone."

"Oh thanks Addison."

"I try," I smiled. "You win by the way, for calling me. You proved me wrong."

"I know," he said. "I wanted to."

"Call me?"

"Prove you wrong."

"Oh," I sighed. "And here I was thinking you actually wanted to talk to me."

"I do."

He said it softly and seriously. I felt my heart lift and I closed my eyes tightly trying incredibly hard not to smile like a little girl who had a crush.

"Anyways," he said. "I should get going. I promised my Mother I would call on her and take her to dinner."

"Alright, have a good night."

"You too Addison," he said. "And don't worry about Benjamin. I'm sure it will work itself out."

"I hope so," I whispered. "Bye Jeremy."

"Bye," he hung up.

I let the phone sit by my ear for a moment and then I too hung up. I laid in bed for awhile longer, not really sure what to do with myself. My heart was beating so fast with happiness that I began to wonder if everything with Jeremy wasn't so meaningless after all. Maybe, he meant something because he made me feel like something. At the same time my heart was beating with joy it was breaking from sadness. I was losing Benjamin, my best friend. He was slipping even farther away then when he was with Lady Marie. If I didn't have Benjamin here at the palace I had no one, so perhaps I should go…move out and make my home else where.


	12. Changes

The loft was over a bread shop on Main Street in Pyrus. It was large enough for two people to live comfortably, and I fell in love with it the moment I walked in. I could see where I would put all the furniture, and organize the bedroom and living room. Really, they'd be one room with a kitchen right by the front door and a bathroom in the far right corner of the loft. I would put the sitting, or living, room to the right of the door that way it connected nicely to the kitchen. Then, farther into the loft, and in front of the windows that looked down at the street I would put what could be called my bedroom.

By the end of August I was the owner of 76 Main Street. I moved furniture from my room and dorm into the loft, and with my savings bought some more. I turned the loft into my home and made it comfortable to live in.

About two weeks after moving out of the palace I received a letter asking for me to come to the palace for an audience with Prince Benjamin. I knew he wanted to know if I would be his advisor of crime prevention (the official title). I dressed in a pair of dark jeans and nice blouse for the audience. I felt that sense he was going to talk to me about my possible job I should look a little decent—and I was no longer living in his house, nor was I really sure how to act around him other then professionally.

"Hello Addison," he said greeting me once I entered his study. He looked stressed, and older then the last time I had seen him, which was silly because I had seen him two weeks ago just as I was leaving the palace. He kissed my cheek and ushered me to a chair. I was surprised by his greeting, but said nothing other then a polite hello. He sat down once I was seated and closed some folders on his desk. "Have you decided on the position I've offered you?"

I bit my bottom lip and twisted in my seat. The truth was I really didn't want to take the job, but sense I didn't have any other job interviews planned and this position would pay well and had landed in my lap I figured it'd be silly to pass up.

I nodded my head to him.

"I have," I said. "I'll take the position, your highness."

Benjamin smiled at me.

"Good," he said with a nod. "I wanted to secure that before the coronation. You were the last member of my staff that I had to confirm."

"When will you have me start?"

"Right away," he said.

I nodded.

"You'll have an office here, in the East Wing with the other staff offices."

The East Wing of the palace was where the parliament building and thrown room were. I had never been over to them, even when I was a young child and had roamed the halls of the royal palace like they were my own.

Benjamin stood up and led me out of the study. We walked through the palace in silence, heading for the East Wing, and where my office would be. I don't think I had ever felt so awkward around Benjamin before. I used to think there was nothing as awkward as the silence that came after just having sex with your best friend, but the silence that was lingering between us now proved me wrong. I could feel that he wanted to say something, or talk…anything to break the silence, but he didn't dare in fear that I might start arguing with him or become uncomfortable.

When we finally arrived in the East Wing (which seemed like forever) Benjamin showed me to a small office that belonged to me. He leaned in the door as I looked around it.

"I know it's not a study," he said crossing his arms and smiling. "But at least it has a window."

I laughed a little.

"It's bigger then my dorm was in NYC," I said joking. "Thank you."

He nodded and stood up straight.

"Who will I report to?" I asked softy leaning against the desk that stood in the corner of my office.

"Me," said Benjamin. "This is a new position, so you'll define what you think needs to be studied and looked at in the justice department. Anything you need, don't hesitate to ask. I'll get it for you."

I nodded.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"The only thing I ask you to look at is why crime is rising," he said. "That's the biggest problem I have right now and I want to find a solution before it gets out of hand."

I nodded.

"I'll look into it," I said.

"Good," he smiled. "You'll be expected at the coronation."

That didn't surprise me.

"Of course your highness," I whispered smiling a little.

"Addison," he said looking at me very seriously. "You can still call me Benjamin."

I forced a smile and nodded.

"I prefer to call you by your title."

The words were a little harsh, and I could see that he felt them. I didn't really care though. He could use some polite yet harsh words. He crossed his wrist behind his back and nodded to me.

"Alright," he said. "I can respect that." He turned to leave slowly. "I'll see you Saturday then."

I nodded.

"Yes," I whispered. "Until then."

"Enjoy the rest of your day."

He disappeared after that, leaving me alone in the small office. I took a long breath and moved to the chair behind the desk, slipping into it easily. It was going to be a little harder then I had originally thought to take this job. I suppose it defeated the whole purpose of moving out because I'd probably see Benjamin every day at work now. I was still alone, but the temptation and hope was still in front of Benjamin because I was still here. If I really wanted him to not see me as a sexual object I should probably leave completely…run away.

I rubbed my forehead and sighed lightly. I sat up a little straighter and looked out the window. The awkwardness between Benjamin and I was just something I was going to have to deal with. This was going to be a very good paying job and I would make more money here in a year then my Mother made in five. I was going to be okay.

* * *

Two nights before Benjamin's coronation I lie in bed on the phone with Jeremy on the other line. I was a little disappointed that he wouldn't be coming down for the coronation. I really wanted to see him.

"You're not coming down at all?"

"No," Jeremy said. "I'm working all weekend on a big case for my boss."

"He's your best friend."

"You don't care about that."

"You're right," I sighed stretching out on the bed. "I just don't want to sit through the whole ceremony by myself."

"No one to make smart ass comments about the way people are dressed to?"

"Exactly," I smiled.

"You'll be fine," he said back.

"It's not a matter of being fine. I guess I was just looking forward to seeing you this weekend."

"You shouldn't work yourself up like that Addy," Jeremy said softly and seriously. "It only leads to disappointment."

"I noticed."

"Well maybe I'll see you soon."

"Yea, maybe."

"Cheer up girl, you're still the sexiest in my book."

"Thanks Jeremy," I whispered it with that smile I usually wore when Jeremy talked to me. I was really disappointed he wasn't coming. I had worked myself up thinking that he was…and now I was broken. I frowned and looked up at the ceiling of my loft. I was falling for Jeremy…otherwise it wouldn't hurt so bad that he wasn't coming to Genovia this weekend. I bit my bottom lip and his voice brought me back to reality.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"Nothing," I said back.

"Liar."

"Yea, well, I don't want to tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you to know I'm falling for you."

I heard his smile through the phone, and then his calm laugh. I wasn't sure how to feel about him laughing at my comment.

"You didn't have to tell me, Addy," he said still smiling.

"I wish I read you as well as you read me," I said rolling onto my stomach.

"You do," he said.

"I don't think so."

"Well you read my mind pretty well in bed."

"Well you're easy in bed."

He laughed again.

"Ouch. I think my ego is hurt a little," he joked. I laughed and sat up, getting out of the bed.

"You're sure you don't want to come see his Highness shoot a flaming arrow through a hoop tomorrow night?"

"Sounds like fun, but I already told you I can't love," he said in a sincere tone. I could hear it in his voice that he did really want to come, but not for Benjamin, for me. "Why are you calling him by his title?"

"I feel comfortable doing so."

"So, you two aren't talking to each other at all?"

"No," I said. "We talk about crime rates and prevention, and the justice system here in Genovia."

"So you talk about work," he said slowly. "You're not friends anymore?"

"Jeremy," I said very seriously and rather tired. I was tired of talking, and thinking about what had happened between Benjamin and me. It was a very exhausting subject. To spend so much time thinking and stressing over how Benjamin really felt about me was getting to be too much so I wanted to try and stop. "He told me I was acting like a whore for sleeping with you. He doesn't grasp the fact that I don't want to have sex with him because he makes it sound like it's something I should do, and he makes me feel like an object."

"And I don't?"

"No," I shook my head. "No you don't."

"How do I make you feel?"

"Wanted," I whispered after a pause.

"I do want you."

I smiled.

"I know."

"Usually someone says 'I want you too'."

"But I don't want you," I giggled like a twelve year old girl.

"I can change that."

"Not from across the English Channel."

He laughed.

"Alright, you win," he said smiling still. "I have to get going Addison, I'll talk to you later?"

"Sure," I said. "Don't work too hard this weekend."

"I'll try not to. Try and have some fun this weekend."

"Oh, I'll try," I said.

"Night."

"Good night."

We both hung up and I fell back on the bed. I was not looking forward to this weekend at all. Now, I had no one to sit through the boring ceremonies with.

* * *

"Do you, Benjamin Phillipe Christophe Grimaldi Renaldi, so solemnly swear to rule the country of Genovia with fairness and honesty?" the Bishop's voice rained loud over the crowded square.

I was sitting with other members of parliament and Benjamin's staff to the right of the square as his highness the Prince was being coroneted as the new King.

"I do," he said broadly with a smile.

"Then I pass to you," the Bishop took the royal crown from Queen Amelia's head as she and Benjamin kneeled before him. He placed it slowly on Benjamin's head as he finished talking. "The rights to rule Genovia."

Benjamin stood up slowly beaming as music played from the band across the square, and then it fell silent.

"Ladies and gentleman," said a strong male voice from the stairs in front of the stage where Benjamin stood. "Presenting, his Majesty Benjamin Phillipe Christophe Grimaldi Renaldi, King of Genovia."

The crowd cheered and clapped for their new king. I found myself clapping and smiling at him from across the square. I stood up with the other staff members, continuing to clap, and I swore that he caught my eye and gave me a wink.


	13. Letter, London, Lies

Two weeks later I was sitting in my office when Thomas came in, knocking first on the open door

Two weeks later I was sitting in my office when Thomas came in, knocking first on the open door. I looked up to see him and smiled. I stood up to greet him and he kissed my cheek as we hugged. I noticed a look of stress on his aged face and worried about it for a moment. Thomas was the closest man I had to a Father, and I was worried that my Mother's death had left him feeling as empty as I did.

"What's brought you all the way down here to my office?" I asked softly.

"His Majesty is in the East Wing today," said Thomas as we both sat down. He crossed an ankle over his knee and folded his hand on his lap.

"Oh," I said with a slow nod. I closed the folders that were on my desk and watched Thomas's eyes as he looked at me. He had a serious look to them that seemed very familiar, and yet I couldn't place it.

"I thought I would stop by and say hello," he said. "See how you're doing and everything."

"I'm doing fine," I said with a smile. "Is something bothering you, Thomas?"

He moved in his seat uncomfortably and forced a smile.

"You're a great deal like your Mother," he said opening his suit coat. "She wanted me to give this to you."

He held out a white envelope and I took it slowly.

"What is it?"

"A letter," he said. "I don't know if you want to read it while I'm here or not."

"It can wait," I whispered putting the letter in my purse that sat behind my desk.

"How is the new apartment?"

"Nice," I said smiling at him. "I like having my own place. I'm free from the stress that comes with this place there."

"Work is that stressful?"

"Working for his Majesty is stressful," I said with a smile.

Thomas smiled and nodded.

"He means well," he said. "He makes a pretty good King."

"He does," I agreed.

Since Benjamin had become King he had reorganized the economic standing of Genovia, opened three more orphanages and a private school for less fortunate children. He had said in a press conference that the children of Genovia were the most important asset to the nation, and he would do everything in his power to see that they all got a good education.

"He's been a different man the last two weeks," I said softly.

And it was the truth. I hadn't spoken to Benjamin since he became King because he was so busy. I preferred it that way, even though I wouldn't say that out loud to anyone. Thomas seemed to be reading my mind as I sat before him. I blinked and smiled at him as he studied me.

"You're still not talking to him?" he asked.

I looked at Thomas with some surprised.

"How'd you know about all that?"

"Your Mother told me."

I frowned slightly.

"Did she?" I whispered. "Why?"

"She was worried about you and his Majesty."

"There is nothing to worry about. We don't talk to each other anymore, and that's that."

"Why not?"

I looked up at Thomas with raised eyebrows.

"I find that I don't like to surround myself with men who treat me poorly," I said slowly.

"And yet you are still here, working for him now."

"I needed a job," I whispered putting my folders in my desk and closing the drawers tightly.

"And this is the only one you could get?" he asked.

I looked at him sharply.

"What is your point?" I said sorely.

"You took this job for a reason," he said. "Whether it be because you couldn't find another job or because you wanted to remain close to Benjamin. Perhaps you still believe in him."

He stood up and headed for the door.

"Please," he said. "Don't hesitate to come to me for any reason. Your Mother wouldn't have wanted you to be alone."

I nodded.

"Thank you," I said while nodding. "I'll see you later, Thomas."

He waved and left the doorframe of my office. He disappeared from view, but to my horror I heard him say, "Hello Majesty." I sighed with some annoyance as my blood pressure rose a little. I hadn't seen him in two weeks and suddenly here he was, as if it were almost ironic. Fate had a cruel way of finding humor.

"Hello Thomas," he said. Part of my heart melted at hearing his voice and I bit my bottom lip. "I'll be ready to go in a moment. I just wish to speak to Addison first. Is she in her office?"

"She was just leaving," he said softly. "I don't know how long she'll be staying."

I began to collect my things quickly and as Benjamin appeared in my door I swung my bag over my shoulder.

"You're Majesty," I said with pretend shock.

"Going somewhere in a rush?" he asked.

"I'm late for dinner."

"With whom?" he asked leaning in the doorframe. I frowned slightly as he was blocking my exit. He looked incredibly handsome in black slacks and a red button up shirt. I looked him in the eye.

"Is it any of your business?"

"Well yes," he said. "Because I'm leaving for London tonight and I want you to come with me."

"As what?"

"My advisor to crime and justice."

"Why do you need me to go to London with you?"

"I'm sure I could find some use for you there."

I crossed my arms over my chest and looked up at him with rather annoyed eyes. He realized his choice of words was poor and frowned.

"I'm meeting with the Prime Minister," he said softly. "And I want to have my staff ready to assist me while I'm there."

"How long are you going?" I asked thinking of the only person who I knew was in London.

"For a week or so," he said.

"Alright," I whispered. "When are we leaving?"

"You sure it won't ruin your dinner plans?"

"Oh it will," I smiled a little. "But I'm sure you'll make it up to me."

"Yea," he said reaching out and stroking my cheek. "I'll try."

I bit my lip and stepped away from him a little.

"I'll meet you at the airport then," I whispered.

"I'll take you to your home, then we can go straight to the airport."

"And the rest of your staff will be meeting us there?" I whispered.

"Yes," he said smiling. "In about half an hour."

"You're Majesty, I really wish you hadn't given me such short notice. I need to pack, and I'm starving."

"I'll take care of it," he said. "Don't worry, the plane won't leave without us."

I nodded my head slowly and he grabbed my coat from the coat wrack by my door and held it out for me with a smile. I turned and let him help me into my jacket, holding my bag in my hand as he did.

I felt like he was trying to make up for how he had treated me after the wedding had failed. The canceled wedding had been all over the papers, and worse off, they were now printing stories about how I could have very well been the reason. It looked even worse now that I had taken a job with the royal staff.

As part of the King's staff I was given a security guard and driver to see that no one hurt or threatened me. The tabloids weren't as bad as I had expected and I only got attacked by reports and cameras while leaving the palace and royal events that required my attendance. The one thing that Benjamin had forgotten to mention in the job description was how much I'd be seen in the public eye. Any job related to the royal family seemed to be a public one which meant I had to watch myself very carefully.

My head was screaming to not trust his intentions, or his charm. I was betting that there weren't any other members of his staff going with him to London other then his assistant and Thomas. It would be incredibly awkward if I were right. And the tabloids would have a field day. But this was the only way I could get a free trip to London, and maybe surprise Jeremy.

It was a dumb reason to agree to go to London with Benjamin, especially with how the press would react, but I thought it was worth it. I wanted to see Jeremy. I hadn't seen him in over a month, and it had been at least two weeks since we talked on the phone. Hopefully he wouldn't be too busy for me to surprise him.

When we arrived at my apartment I packed clothes for a week in a bag. Benjamin had assured me that the trip wouldn't be longer then a week and if it was I could return to Genovia. I packed everything quickly, and was sure I missed something, then we headed for the airport.

I had been right, only Benjamin's assistant Samantha and Thomas were traveling with us. I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster on the plane once we were seated and waiting for take off.

"Well I didn't tell you who from my staff I wanted there to advise me," he said on the plane. I said nothing to him and tried to relax in my seat. I didn't like plane rides, so hopefully it would be over fast. If it wasn't and I was trapped with Benjamin for longer then two hours I might have killed him.

London was cold and rainy when we arrived. We were immediately driven to the InterContinental Hotel near Buckingham Palace and taken to our rooms. I had my own suite with a private dinning room. I could only imagine what Benjamin's room looked like.

Samantha had said when we arrived that Benjamin was meeting with the Prime Minister tomorrow morning, and I was not expected to attend unless I wanted to. She also gave me a key to Benjamin's suite, which through me for a loop. Why would Benjamin give me a key to his room? It was clear later that evening when he called me later that evening and asked me to come down to his room.

When I arrived, and he greeted me at the door, I said, "Is this why Samantha gave me a key? So I could visit you late at night?"

"It's not that late," said Benjamin walking through the small entrance hall and dinning room to a living room. I looked at the clock as I followed him and crossed my arms over my chest.

"It's eleven twenty," I said.

He looked at me and turned off the TV with the remote. He threw it on the couch and sat down, watching me. He was in a tee shirt and jeans, and as he laced his fingers together and placed his hands behind his head his shirt stretched across his muscular chest.

"I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Work related?"

"No," he retorted. "Believe it or not Addison you're still my best friend and I like to talk to you for advice and your opinion. I don't understand why you're being so hostile towards me."

"You haven't seen me get hostile," I said back leaning forward against the arm chair in front of me. He wasn't blinking and it bothered me that he could stare at me and make me feel naked; which I might as well have been in my cotton tank top and shorts. I had been in bed when he called, and threw on a small robe before I ventured down the hall to his suite near mine.

He sighed and leaned forward.

"I'm trying to make this work," he whispered. "I'm really sorry about what happened. I shouldn't have said those things. Who you sleep with is your business, and you shouldn't have to feel pressure to sleep with me at all. I mean…you're amazing…and I…well the point is I shouldn't have said any of that. I was an asshole and I really do deserve how you're treating me."

I was shocked.

"Is that what you wanted to talk about?" I finally said as I shifted my weight from one foot to the other.

"Yea," he whispered rubbing his neck. "That's what I wanted to talk about."

I couldn't tell if he was lying or not. He looked me straight in the eye and kept a straight face.

"I just want to make this better."

"I appreciate that," I whispered. "But it's going to take me a little bit longer to forgive you. I hope you didn't bring me here just to go out of the way to make it up to me."

"I know you want to see Jeremy," he whispered. "I think you should go see him. He hasn't sounded very good on the phone last couple of weeks."

I paused for a moment. Was he serious? He had brought me to London with the intention of sending me out to see Jeremy? What was he doing? This really confused and shocked me…more then him apologizing to me.

"What's the matter?"

"You haven't talked to him?"

"Not since the coronation," I said back with some concern.

"His sister was in a car accident last weekend," said Benjamin. "I thought for sure you would know."

I felt my heart plummet as I shook my head.

"No," I whispered. "He didn't pick up my call last weekend. But, I suppose that explains why. Is she okay?"

"She's still in the hospital," said Benjamin very seriously. "She was hit by two drunk kids driving."

I frowned.

"Which sister?"

Jeremy had five older sisters, four of which were married. The youngest of the five was in America working as a French translator, so I didn't think it could be her, otherwise Jeremy wouldn't be in London.

"Second oldest," Benjamin whispered sadly. "August."

I frowned deeply.

Jeremy's sister August had four young children. I bit my fingers and nodded slowly.

"What's his address?" I whispered.

Benjamin stood up and went to the desk near the window. He opened a book and flipped through it, then copied Jeremy's address from the book to a card. He handed it to me.

"I'm really surprised he didn't call you."

"He was probably busy," I shrugged rubbing my forehead. "Thank you, Benjamin." I looked up at him as he smiled. "What?"

"You didn't call me by my title."

"Doesn't mean I've forgiven you," I said smiling a little. He nodded and bid me good night. He walked me to the door and allowed me out. I went straight back to my room and changed my clothes. I didn't care if it was almost midnight, I wanted to see Jeremy more then anything now. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that he wanted to see me now but didn't want me to think that he was falling for me.

I took a taxi to the address that Benjamin had given me. It was for a large town house in a nice part of London. I jumped out of the taxi in the rain and opened the gate to the tiny front yard of the town house. I dashed up the stairs, escaping the rain against the front door. I rang the bell and shivered, I was drenched just from getting out of the cab. The taxi drove off before I got the chance to stop it. If Jeremy wasn't home I'd have to walk home now. I rang the bell again and few seconds later a light came on beyond the glass windows of the door. Jeremy's figure appeared in the stained glass and then the door open.

He was in a pair of flannel pajama pants and looked like he hadn't slept in days. His hair was messy and I quickly realized that I had probably woken him from the first hours of sleep that he had gotten since his sister's accident. And despite his depressed and stressed appearance he still looked drop dead handsome.

"Addison," he said in great shock. He opened the door wider and took my arm, ushering me into his front hall. I was shiver with the rain, dropping my purse to the floor as he pulled off my coat. "What the bloody hell are you doing here?"

"I was here with his Majesty," I said. "He's meeting with the Prime Minister this week."

"Yes, so I heard," he said. "Let's go upstairs, get you in dry clothes."

"I just got wet from the taxi to the front door step," I said mounting the steps that were behind me. He followed me up them and I stopped at the top, unsure where to go.

"To the right," he said. "Last door."

I should have figured that out. The door was open and it was the only room upstairs that had a light on; obviously Jeremy's room because I had woken him. I moved down the hall and once we were in his room he closed the door.

"So, you're here with Ben," he said. "Why are you at my house so late at night?"

I turned to him as he dug in his dresser for clothes for me. He handed me one of his tee shirts and a pair of boxers.

"Thank you," I whispered. "Benjamin told me about your sister's accident."

Jeremy's face fell and he looked away.

"Oh," he whispered. "And here I was thinking you wanted to see me and make the night more exciting."

He moved to a door in the room and opened it, flipping on a light. I could see that it was a bathroom from where I stood.

"Jeremy," I said coming to him.

"Please, Addison, I don't want to talk about it," he said very seriously. "You can take a shower if you want to. You're still shivering."

"Why can't you warm me up?" I asked and he smiled a little. My knees nearly gave to his charming smile and dark eyes. I could get lost in them forever, no matter how serious they were.

"I will," he said cupping my chin. "Once you dry off and change."

I nodded and went into the bathroom to take off my wet clothes. I laid them in the tub and put on Jeremy's tee shirt, leaving his boxers off. I walked out of the bathroom in the shirt and my underwear and returned his boxers to the dresser. He watched me as I walked from the bathroom to the dresser and paid particular attention as I leaned forward a little over the dresser.

"You're wearing the black lace underwear I like," he said from the chair he was sitting in. I stood up straight and nodded at him in the mirror as I fixed my hair. "Did you put them on before you came here?"

"No," I said turning to him. "The underwear I was wearing was really the last thing on my mind when I was heading over here."

He frowned a little and got up, turning down the sheets. I came to him and crawled onto the bed. He sat down next to me and looked me in the eye.

"I'm afraid I'm going to lose her," he whispered very softly. I took his hands and kissed him. I didn't know what to tell him—it was going to be okay? What if it wasn't? Or should I say that he'll make it through it? That sounded dumb…I couldn't tell him he wouldn't lose her because I didn't have any control over that at all.

"You don't have to say anything," he said leaning forward and pressing his lips to my neck. "I'm just happy you're here."

"Why didn't you call?" I asked touching his chest.

"I didn't want you to worry about me," he said honestly. "I didn't want you to fly here out of concern."

"I would have."

"I know," he said. "That's why I didn't call."

"Shut up," I said holding his hands tightly in mine. "I want to be here for you, and you need me here. I know you do."

He smiled against my shoulder and kissed the cotton shirt that was covering it.

"Thank you for coming," he said sincerely.

"Of course," I said back. "You don't have to ask."

He smiled.

"I can tell."

I smiled too and laid down, pulling him down with me. He kissed me deeply on the lips and held me tightly against his body. His lips had never tasted so good, and his body so soft. I realized in that moment that there was no where else I'd rather be, and as much as I had needed Jeremy when my Mother died, he needed me now.

The next morning I woke up and Jeremy was still asleep. I smiled and stretched in the bed as the sun shined in through the thin curtains. I rolled over and kissed his bare chest softly. He didn't move, but his breath caught for a moment. I smiled then kissed his neck and chin.

"Good morning," he whispered with his eyes still closed.

"Hey," I said kissing his lips slowly.

"Mmm," he smiled and his eyes opened. His dark stare locking with mine and entrancing me. "I like waking up to you."

I bite my bottom lip and he kissed me again slowly.

"I'm going to shower," I said.

"Alright," he said watching me slip out of the bed. I felt his eyes follow me to the bathroom. "I'll go down and make breakfast. What do you want?"

I stopped and leaned against the threshold.

"Pancakes?" I suggested.

"Sure," he said throwing the sheets off of his muscular body. I watched his muscles flex and relax as he moved and felt my heart skip a beat. He was so sexy—every move, and every look—he trapped me every time. He didn't even have to touch me (when he touched me I lost all control and melted into him).

He came to me and kissed my cheek then neck.

"I'll meet you downstairs."

"Sure you don't want to shower with me?" I joked.

He smiled and kissed my nose.

"Maybe next time."

We both smiled at each other and then he walked away, leaving the bedroom. I quickly hopped in the shower and washed my body. I used his Irish Man body wash (which smelled amazing) and shampoo, and got out of the shower smelling like him. It didn't bother me, but I wondered if he would notice.

When I arrived in the kitchen he was already flipping pancakes, looking more amazing then he had in the bedroom. I don't know what it was—the light, the surroundings, or perhaps my eyes were just more awake—but he looked even more tempting in the kitchen cooking. Maybe it was because I thought it was sexy that he could cook. I didn't know it until then.

He turned as I entered the kitchen and motioned to the table.

"I picked up your purse," he said. "It must have spilled when you dropped it last night."

I walked to the table and looked at the things in it and on the table. I rearranged the items that Jeremy had no doubt thrown back in the bag while picking it up and came across a white envelope. I picked it up and looked at the curly hand writing on the front. I remember at the sight of my name in my Mother's hand writing that it was the letter Thomas had given me the day before. I tore the envelope open and pulled out the letter.

"What's that?" Jeremy asked coming over to me with a plate of pancakes. He placed it on the table.

"A letter from my Mother that Thomas gave me," I whispered as I began to read it. My eyes narrowed as I read down the page. Her words weren't making any sense. She was apologizing for not telling me, and hoped that I would understand—understand what?

At first I thought she was apologizing for not telling me about the cancer, but then my eyes read one of the last lines of the letter and my whole world froze for a few seconds. Suddenly my whole body felt numb and I didn't think I could breathe.

"Addison?" said Jeremy near by. I blinked and looked at him in shock. "What is it?"

I held out the letter to him and took a seat as I put my head in my hands. He took the letter and read it over.

"Shit," he said reading the end. He put the letter down and sat next to me. "Why would she wait to tell you this?"

I blinked at Jeremy but remained silent. His question was one of the many that was racing through my head. How could my Mother have never told me? Even worse, how could she have lied to me my whole life?


	14. Truth and Touch

"I don't know if I should get a DNA test," I whispered looking at myself in the mirror. I had called Thomas and asked him to meet me for dinner that evening, if he wasn't too busy protecting his majesty. Thomas had said that he could manage to meet me late, at say nine. He proposed meeting at the restaurant in the lower part of the hotel we were staying in.

"You're just going to take your Mother's word for it?" Jeremy asked kissing my neck as I fixed my earring. I looked at him in the mirror.

"Well, doesn't it seem kind of inappropriate?" I asked.

"I don't think so," he said looking at me. "She told you your whole life that your Father left her, and you never knew him, and then it turns out that really your Father is Thomas? That seems fishy to me, Addy. I mean…if Thomas is really your Father, why couldn't your Mother and him be together?"

I shrugged.

"Hopefully Thomas will have an answer for that," I said.

"You're sure you don't want me to go with you?" He pushed my hair aside and kissed my neck again. His lips were so soft. It was like he was trying to make me stay with him all night instead of going out to meet Thomas.

"I'm sure," I smiled turning to him. "Are you sure you don't want me to leave?"

"I would like you to stay in London for indefinitely," he said wrapping his arms around me. I looked at him very seriously.

"Why?" I whispered.

"Because I like having sex with you," he said teasing me and kissing my ear. I smiled and bit my bottom lip. The night before, as I lay down with him to sleep, I had the desire to tell him that I loved him—which was ridiculous. I don't know why I had wanted to say it, but it was burning in me and it took all of my self control to not let the words slip from my lips.

It appeared that Jeremy and I were both in denial about our feelings for each other—I was in denial because I'm just a moody piece of work who doesn't know what she really wants, and Jeremy was in denial because he didn't believe that he as a womanizing pig could be in love. I think in reality I just didn't want to get hurt by Jeremy. I loved him, and for all I knew he could tell with out me having to say it. I decided as he continued to kiss my ear that I wouldn't say it until he did.

A fear pulsed within my heart…what if he really did only want to keep having sex with me? Now that was ridiculous. Jeremy didn't treat me like he only wanted to have sex with me. He cared about me—I could feel it in his touch and see it in his eyes. I could even hear it when he said my name. It may not be love, but he cared…and that was a start.

"What's the matter?" he asked pulling me back to reality.

"Hmm?" I asked looking up at him.

"You look like something is wrong."

"Oh," I said shaking my head and turning back to the mirror to check my hair. "Nothing. I was just thinking about what to say to Thomas."

"How about 'hi'," he suggested.

"Thanks, Jeremy," I smirked at him in the mirror.

"I don't want you to go," he said grabbing me and holding me against him. I could feel his erection against my butt and pulled away laughing.

"I'll be back."

"Yea, tomorrow morning," he said with a frown.

I turned to him and stood on my toes to kiss his lips.

"And tomorrow before we go to see your sister we can have lots of sex."

"Promise?" Jeremy said holding me against him and rubbing his hips against me as if he were trying to change my mind.

"Promise," I said back kissing him slowly. He kissed me deeply with some tongue and I smiled against his lips. He wasn't giving up. I pulled away and walked to the bed, grabbing my purse. "I'll see you tomorrow morning. I'm going to be late."

"I forgot to call you a cab," he said following me downstairs. I stopped at the door and looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Guess I'll have to drive you."

I rolled my eyes.

"Alright," I said as he pulled on his coat and slipped on his shoes. "Why do I feel like you 'forgot' to call the cab on purpose?"

"Maybe because I did," he smiled and stole a kiss as he opened the door. "I'll wait for you in your hotel room."

"Oh," I said with a smile. "Okay."

He led me down the street a little to his very nice BMW. I got in the passenger seat, which was the driver seat of every other car I had ever been in and he got in behind the wheel. It only took fifteen minutes to get to the hotel. I checked my appearance in the mirror one last time and got out of the car.

"You look amazing you know," Jeremy said. "I don't know why you keep checking yourself in the mirror."

"Just nervous I guess," I whispered.

Jeremy nodded as we entered the hotel.

"Your key, please?"

"Hmm, oh right," I said digging in my purse for the key to my room. "I'll see you up there in a little bit."

"Are you planning on making this a short meal?"

"Well I don't want it to be incredibly long," I said back.

Jeremy nodded.

"Just relax."

I nodded.

"Thank you," I stood on my toes and kissed his cheek. He smiled at me.

"No problem love," he said. "Good luck."

He gave me a reassuring smile and walked off towards the elevators.

I took a long deep breath and headed for the small restaurant across the lobby. The host stopped me for a moment and asked if I had reservations. I looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"I'm meeting someone."

"Whom?"

"Thomas Pearle," I said with some annoyance.

"Right this way," he said picking up a menu for me. I followed him through the maze of tables to where Thomas was sitting in a small booth. I thanked the host and slide into the seat across from Thomas.

"Hi," he said. "Is everything alright?"

I pulled the letter that my Mother had written to me out of my purse and placed it in front of Thomas.

"Hi," I whispered. "Everything isn't alright."

He looked at me oddly and then the letter.

"Please," I motioned to it. He picked it up and opened it, pulling out the letter to read. I gave him a few moments to read through it. When he reached the end he put it down, back in its envelope, showing no surprise on his face.

"You knew then?"

"I found out a few years ago, yes," he said nodding his head.

I blinked at him.

"A few years ago? You didn't know from the beginning?"

Thomas shook his head.

"Your Mother and I had an affair," he whispered softly. "It's part of why your Father…well he wasn't your Father, I suppose…it's part of why Edward left your Mother. He had his suspicions."

I was staring at Thomas in complete shock.

"She didn't tell me when became pregnant," he continued. "I thought that maybe you could be…and if you were well I would have married your Mother the moment she and Edward divorced…but she insisted I wasn't. I think she was hoping you would keep her and Edward together…I'm so sorry, Addison."

I didn't know what to say…everything in that letter was really true then. My Father was Thomas and I had grown up my whole life thinking of him as a Father-like figure and blaming Edward for not being there for me and my Mother. As I watched Thomas across the table he looked just as uncomfortable as I did.

"Where do we go from here?" he whispered.

"I'm not really sure," I shrugged.

"Do you want something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry, thank you," I said back.

Thomas nodded his head.

"Should I call you Dad?" I said abruptly.

Thomas smiled a little.

"That is up to you," he said. "But I will not deny that I have wished to hear you say it for some time now."

"How could you not tell me?"

"Your Mother wanted to tell you," he said. "I was honoring her wishes."

"Was she always planning on waiting till she died to tell me?" I asked leaning back in the booth. "So I wouldn't kill her myself?"

Thomas laughed weakly.

"She never told me why she wanted to wait," he said softly.

I nodded again and took a sip of the wine that was in front of me.

"I don't want to make this awkward at all Addison," Thomas said leaning forward. "I think you have every right to be mad."

"Oh, I've moved passed mad," I said seriously. "Moved straight passed it and gone to pissed off."

Thomas nodded. "That can be expected."

"I'm pissed off that she never told me," I whispered. "What was she doing? Trying to save herself from a scandal because I'm a bastard child?"

"Addison—it's not like that."

I shrugged.

"That's what I feel like she was trying to prevent. Edward was going to leave her anyways, why not let him know that I'm not his kid too."

"For all we know she did," Thomas whispered sadly. "I'm really very sorry about this Addison, I wish it could have been done differently."

"It's alright Thomas, it's not your fault," I whispered. "It's not really anyone's fault." I forced a smile at him and took his hands giving them a squeeze. "I'm going to go up to my room now. I'm very tired."

Thomas nodded and stood up as I did. I hugged him and he held me tightly.

"I'll see you in the morning," he said once I pulled out of his arms.

"The morning?" I questioned.

"You're not going to the meeting with the Prime Minister?"

I slapped my forehead.

"Uh, I was planning on going to the hospital with Jeremy to see his sister."

Thomas looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"You're still seeing him?"

"Yes," I said picking up my purse. "I'll go speak with his Majesty. I doubt he actually needs me there."

Thomas nodded.

"Alright," he said. "Well good night."

"Good night," I said.

I turned and left him in the restaurant. He sat back down and finished his drink. I didn't look back, I was a little overwhelmed with everything as I stepped onto the elevator. I pushed the button for my floor and waited impatiently for the doors to open. I couldn't wait to crawl into bed with Jeremy. He was the only person that made me feel safe and secure. When I was with him nothing else mattered, none of the problems that haunted me existed when I was around him.

I knocked gently on Benjamin's door. It took him a long time to answer and I was slightly shocked when he opened the door half naked with his hair messy.

"Addison!" he said in shock. He obviously hadn't used the peep hole in the door. "Right now isn't a very good time—"

"I just wanted to talk about tomorrow," I said slowly looking him over. "I'll make it fast."

"Benjamin is it the room service?" asked a female voice that seemed somewhat familiar. A blonde woman appeared behind Benjamin and she froze at seeing me. My eyebrows raised with some surprise and I looked at Benjamin with a forced smile.

"I'm not going to be able to go with you to see the Prime Minister tomorrow," I said.

"What?" Benjamin stood up straighter no so worried about the fact that I had interrupted him and his ex fiancée having sex. "Why?"

"Jeremy asked me to go to the hospital with him."

"Oh," Benjamin said slowly. "And that's more important then your job right now?"

"Yes," I said flatly. "I'll see you later your Majesty. Sorry to interrupt. It was nice to see you again Lady Marie."

I turned and left quickly, feeling incredibly awkward as I moved. I reached my room and realized I didn't have my key. I knocked on the door and Jeremy opened it almost instantly. He let me in and I moved past him quickly.

"It went that badly?" he asked following me into the bed room where I dropped my purse on a chair and kicked off my shoes.

"He's only known for a few years," I whispered. "They had an affair together…and my Mom never told him. Told her husband that I was his."

"I see," said Jeremy taking my coat from me. He hung it up. "You look like something else is bothering you?"

"I had to stop and talk to Benjamin," I whispered pulling off my shirt. "I was supposed to go to see the Prime Minister with him tomorrow. I had to tell him I wasn't going to make it."

"And?" Jeremy looked at me oddly.

"Marie was there," I whispered looking up at him. "They were having sex…or about to."

Jeremy raised his eyebrows.

"I just didn't think Benjamin was that big of an idiot," I whispered with a shrug. I dropped my skirt and stepped out of it.

"Beautiful women turn men into babbling fools, Addison."

"And what do I turn you into?" I asked wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

"A wild animal," he said picking me up by my hips. I laughed and wrapped my legs around his torso.

"I don't turn you into a babbling fool?" I asked with fake disappointment.

"Hardly," he smiled as he kissed my cleavage. I smiled and laughed. I knew it was true. Jeremy may be many things but he was never a babbling idiot when it came to women. He made the women into babbling idiots….he did it to me all the time.

He dropped me on the bed and stood over me, unbuttoning his shirt.

"You drive me completely crazy," he said taking off his belt, grabbing my foot and pulling me close to him so he could kiss my neck and lips as he leaned over.

"The feelings are mutual," I whispered kissing his strong and well defined abs.

"Good," he said kneeling on the bed. "That's how I like it."

I smiled as he pulled off my underwear and kissed me deeply. He rolled over onto his back and I laid on him, pushing off his pants as he rubbed my back and kissed my neck. His lips danced all over my skin, and I felt a desire burning in him that I had never felt before. He had never held me so close as we had sex, and that night I truly think we were making love. He made all of my pain melt away with his touch and caresses. I felt like it was only him and I…no one and nothing else mattered…


	15. Family and Funeral

It was raining when we arrived at the hospital the next morning. We left well before Benjamin would be up for his meeting so I wouldn't have to face him. Jeremy didn't seem to mind this. We stopped at his house so he could change his clothes and collect his things for work, then we drove through London.

Jeremy opened an umbrella for me and ushered me across the parking lot. We didn't stop at the front desk to ask where August was, Jeremy knew where he was going. He put his hand on the small of my back and led me down the hall once we stepped out of the elevator. We were in a quiet ward and as we approached a room door a nurse came over to us quickly.

"Mister Hiller," said the nurse.

"Hello Ann," said Jeremy looking at her. "Is something the matter?"

"Doctor Summer is in there with your brother-in-law right now," she said softly.

Jeremy had a nervous look in his eyes. I took his hand and squeezed it.

"Has she gotten worse?" Jeremy asked very seriously.

Ann frowned.

Jeremy went to the door and opened it before Ann could stop him.

"There isn't any way she's going to come back—" The doctor stopped and looked at Jeremy with some surprise.

"Jeremy," said the other man standing next to August's bed. He was holding the woman's hand. As I looked at her I thought that she was still beautiful, even though she was beat up, sleeping and had tubes running out of her body. I stayed in the door way, not wanting to invade the family's space.

The man approached Jeremy and shook his hand, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Daniel, what's going on?" Jeremy asked.

"They can't do anything for her," he whispered sadly. I could tell he was trying not to cry. "They don't think she's going to wake up from the life support."

Jeremy frowned deeply and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'll leave you gentlemen alone to decide what you want to do," said Doctor Summer. He walked by me and made to close the door. I stepped in so he could and leaned against the wall. Daniel, August's husband, was looking at me oddly.

"Oh," said Jeremy taking his eyes off of August and looking at me. "Daniel this is Addison, my girlfriend."

I looked at him with surprise.

"Hi," I whispered shaking Daniel's hand. "I'm very sorry."

Daniel forced a smile.

"It will be alright," he whispered sadly.

Jeremy was standing next to his sister's bed, holding her hand tightly and stroking her hair behind her ear.

"How are the girls doing?"

Daniel looked at Jeremy.

"Karen and Elizabeth are trying to be brave," he said. "But Molly and Katy don't really understand."

Jeremy nodded.

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't want to say good bye," said Daniel standing next to Jeremy. "But I guess I'm never going to get the chance to."

The words broke my heart. I could see how much pain Daniel was in as he looked as his nearly dead wife. I felt my heart pulse, wishing that I had someone who loved me as much as Daniel loved August. Jeremy came to me and squeezed my hand. I kissed it slowly and forced a smile at him.

"I'll leave you two alone," I said. Jeremy pinched my cheek and I let my hand slip from his slowly. I knew they had to discuss what they wished to do about August. I knew it was going to be a difficult decision, and part of me was happy that I didn't have to make it. I wouldn't be able to make it.

I sighed and sat down in a chair in the waiting room of the ward. It was sad to see what was happening. The world was cruel. August, a Mother of four, was dying of internal hemorrhaging because a dumb teenage, who walked away from the accident, decided to get behind the wheel of a car drunk.

Jeremy had told me on the way to the hospital that they didn't know who was responsible for the accident because witnesses saw two kids running away, unsteadily, from the wreck. They were trying to help August and were unable to chase after the boys. I felt sorry for Jeremy and his family, especially his brother-in-law. Daniel was left to raise four girls by himself now.

I didn't sit outside by myself for long. Jeremy came into the ward and said he was ready to go. I stood up and took his hand tightly into mine as he walked towards the elevator. I didn't know what to say. Should I ask what they had decided? Was that inappropriate? Or should I just wait for him to tell me on his own? I squeezed his hand in mine and decided to wait for him to tell me. It was probably better that way, and I didn't want to pry.

The elevator ride, and walk to the car was silent.

"I'm afraid to lose her," he said once we were inside his car. I looked at him and put my hand on his thigh to comfort him.

"I know," I said softly. I didn't really know what else to say to him. I thought back to when my Mother had died only a few months ago and what Jeremy had told me. He hadn't told me anything. He didn't give me a pep talk. He just laid with me so I had someone to talk to when I wanted to talk to them. And before the funeral he told me that my Mother wouldn't want me to dwell on her death, and I had the strength to move on with my life.

I squeezed his hand tightly and kissed his fingers.

He gave me a weak smile.

"Why don't you not go to work today?" I asked. "We can go back to your house and lie around all day."

"Because I have work to do."

"Will you be able to do it? Or are you going to be distracted?"

Jeremy looked at me.

"You're right, but that doesn't mean I'm going to listen. My boss won't be happy."

"He can deal," I said. "Come on, Jeremy. You need to rest some…you're not looking so good right now."

"Alright," he whispered stroking my cheek. "Anything for you."

There were those three words again. He had said them to me before, just after my Mother had died. They jumped out to me like they had then because it seemed like a silly thing for Jeremy to say—to any woman, let alone me.

"Perhaps it's not such a bad idea for both of us to lie around," he said. "The last two days have been a bit hell-ish."

I looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"You finding out about Thomas and your Mum, and now this," he shook his head. "I'm going to lay in bed with you for a long time, Addy. I hope you're up to it."

"Of course I am," I whispered with a soft smile. I leaned across the seat and kissed his neck. "Anything for you."

When the words left my lips, I realized it was my way of saying that I loved him with out actually saying it. He smiled at me and I saw a flame flicker in his eyes—not one of lust, but one of passion and desire. There was something burning deep inside of Jeremy and I could see it. I didn't think any other woman had seen it before.

When we arrived at his house, he led me in and then ushered me upstairs. In the bedroom I stripped off my skirt and blouse and crawled onto the bed. Jeremy followed in only his boxers and tucked us under the sheets. He kissed me slowly as he held my body against his.

"Addison, I want you to know—"

"Spare me the compliments," I said with a smile. He beamed, remembering that that's what he had told me when I went to thank him for taking care of me after my Mother's death.

He kissed me deeply, pulling my body on top of his in a swift movement.

"Smart ass," he said between kisses.

I smiled and laughed a little.

"Very," I giggled back.

He squeezed my butt tightly and we continued to kiss into the afternoon.

Jeremy's eyes were red as we stood outside, watching his sisters casket being lowered into it's earthy tomb. He never cried though, and I'm not sure if he was holding back for himself or his family. I had never seen a man cry before and seeing Jeremy come so close broke my heart. I knew it took a lot for a man to cry and it made me want Jeremy even more. He was human, and not afraid to show it.

I squeezed his hand and he looked down at me with sad eyes. The family had been asked to move forward. Jeremy let go of my hand and moved towards the grave, where four young women, his sisters, were joining him. His Mother, Deborah was standing next to the grave in her black dress and hat, with her fist clenched together. Her youngest daughter hadn't left her side since the funeral started and was holding onto her arm trying to comfort her. Jeremy stood behind the women of his family, with his hand on his Mother's shoulder. He had never told me what happened to his Father, and I had never asked.

Daniel was standing next to his Mother-in-law, with three young girls in front of him; one was in his arms, crying. One of Jeremy's sisters held the oldest girl's hand. Seeing all of them looking so distraught and lonely made me wish I could make it better for them.

"It's very sad," said a voice behind me. I turned, looking over my shoulder, and saw Benjamin standing behind me. I bowed my head to him and he shook his. "That isn't necessary right now."

I didn't say anything and turned back to the scene. The priest was saying the last prayer before they would lower the casket completely. Benjamin put his hand on my shoulder.

"I just wish I could help them more," I whispered to Benjamin.

"I offered Jeremy money for the girls but he wouldn't take it," Benjamin said. "He said Daniel could never accept such a gift."

I looked at Benjamin with surprised eyes.

"Why'd you do that?"

"It's hard to raise a child on your own," Benjamin said. "My Mother had a lot of help. But imagine if my Father had died and my Mother wasn't the Queen. It would have been hard."

I nodded.

"And Daniel has four girls," whispered Benjamin. "I wanted to help."

The priest said the last words and the women of Jeremy's family all threw white roses onto the open grave. They hit the casket with light thumps. Slowly, everyone else moved forward to pay their last respects to August and her family, then they got in their cars and headed to the hall that had been rented for the luncheon in August's honor.

Jeremy and I were one of the last cars to leave. He was standing over his sister's grave, rubbing his fingers over the newly erected gravestone.

"It's hard to think that I'm the youngest of the six of us," he whispered to me in the silence. "I always protected them from their idiot boyfriends and bullies. Except for August, she protected me a lot. Drove me nuts."

I wrapped my arm around his waist and put my head on his chest.

"She's better now, Jeremy," I whispered. "And she'll keep protecting all of you from where she is."

Jeremy gave me a weak smile and I kissed his chin. He wrapped his arms around me and we walked towards the car.

After the luncheon I went to Daniel's house with Jeremy to help clean up and make Daniel and the girls dinner.

"I don't know what we're going to do with all these flowers," said Daniel moving a flower pot off the kitchen table. He looked around the kitchen, unsure of where to put it, because there were flower pots, vases, and arrangements all over the kitchen already.

Jeremy was standing over the stove cooking food, while I gathered plates to set the table with.

"Karen can you please help Addison with the plates?" Daniel called.

His oldest daughter, Karen, came walking into the kitchen. She had changed out of her dress from the funeral and was wearing tight skinny blue jeans and a baggy red sweater. I guessed she was fourteen by the looks of her, but wasn't sure. She looked tired, and empty—like Jeremy did.

"Thanks," I said as she took the plates from me and moved to the table. I brought the silverware over and together we set the table.

"How long are you staying with Uncle Jeremy?" asked Karen as she folded the napkins.

"Oh, I'm not quite sure," I said with a small smile. "I have to get back to work soon."

"I'm sure his Majesty will want you back as soon as possible," said Jeremy putting a salad on the table. I looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"His Majesty?" Karen asked confused. "Prince William?"

I laughed a little and smiled brightly at Karen.

"Oh no," I said shaking my head. "King Benjamin, of Genovia."

"Oh," Karen said. She looked like she was thinking about him, trying to figure out of he was at the funeral or not.

"He was the man at the funeral today with the purple sash on," said Jeremy.

"Oh!" Karen said with some shock. "He's cute."

"And much too old for you," said Daniel.

Karen frowned and looked at me.

"Do you think I could meet him someday?" she whispered.

"Maybe," I whispered back with a smile. "I can see what I can do."

Daniel was smiling at me. I think he was happy that Karen had found an older woman to be close to already.

"Uncle Jeremy, when are you going to Genovia again?" Karen asked.

"I don't know," said Jeremy. "I don't think I really have a reason to go."

He gave me a smile and winked.

"Oh, there isn't, is there?" Karen said smartly looking between us.

"Karen," said Daniel slowly. "Why don't you get your sisters and grandma for dinner?" Karen frowned and stood up, leaving the table and letting me finish placing the napkins.

"I'm sorry," he said once she left.

"For what?"

"She pries into people's lives," he shrugged.

"It's not that big of a deal," Jeremy came over and placed a plate of chicken and rice on the table.

"Thank you for making dinner, Jeremy."

"No problem," he said to his brother-in-law.

Deborah came trotting into the kitchen with Katy on her hip, and Holly, Elizabeth and Karen in front of her. Karen helped her younger sister, Holly who was only four into a seat with a booster chair, and then sat down next to me at the table. Deborah put Katy in a high chair and looked at her granddaughters with sparkling eyes. Jeremy sat down between Deborah and I and squeezed my hand before he started to serve people dinner.

It was nice to sit with the family, even though they were broken and in mourning. Deborah kept going on that she was disappointed this was the first time she was meeting me—especially since I was Jeremy's girlfriend, and Jeremy didn't date women seriously. I didn't tell her that he had only started calling me his girlfriend a week ago before the funeral.

That evening I returned to Jeremy's house with him, and we slept soundly in his bed. He was holding me tight the whole time. I felt like he was afraid to lose me too. The next evening I would be going back to Genovia, and he would go back to work. Our lives would continue. I hated how it took a funeral or wedding to bring us together.


	16. Live

"You left a pair of shoes here," said Jeremy over the phone

"You left a pair of shoes here," said Jeremy over the phone. I moved it to my other ear and opened my microwave, pulling out my TV dinner. I frowned at the over cooked processed chicken and noodles and put it on the counter.

"I did?" I said with raised eyebrows. "Which pair?"

"Black heels," he said softly. "With the strap across."

"I was looking for those," I said mixing the food together in the dish. "Will you bring them the next time you come to Genovia?"

"I might as well mail them," he whispered sadly. I sighed but didn't say anything else. "Oh," he said with what sounded like a smile. "You left something else behind…and I think you did it intentionally."

"What?" I asked with my own smile.

"You left the black lace panties that I like," he said.

I laughed. "I didn't mean to. What's the point of leaving them if you can't see me in them?"

"I can imagine you in them," he said slowly.

"Are you?"

"Yes," he whispered. I giggled like a school girl and moved my dinner to the table.

"You don't think you'll be in Genovia for his Majesty's birthday party?"

"I'm not sure I can get it off of work," Jeremy said. "I took so much time off two weeks ago with the funeral and everything…but we'll see."

"If you can come you should bring Karen," I said. "She'd love to meet Benjamin."

"Yea," said Jeremy. "Just what I need, a fifteen year old niece who has a crush on my best mate."

I shrugged and smiled.

"At least you know and trust him."

Jeremy laughed.

"I wouldn't trust Ben with any woman," he said. "Especially you."

"Oh really?"

"He still wants you," he said.

"Is that bad?"

"No," he whispered. "You're not committed to me. And even if we were committed, I trust you Addison."

I smiled as my stomach did flip flops. He trusted me.

"Why aren't we committed?"

"We live in two different countries."

"Fair enough," I said beginning to eat my dinner. "Some mornings I wake up and wish I was still in your bed."

He was quiet for a few seconds. "I know," he finally said. "I wish it too. But we have to live in reality, we can't live forever in a romantic fantasy."

My heart skipped when I heard him say it: romantic fantasy. So he was just as lost in romance as I was when we were together? He felt the desire to stay lost in it too? I bit my bottom lip as he grew silent again.

"Well my reality sucks right now," I said. "So, please, I welcome you to come and distract me from it anytime you can."

"I'll keep that in mind," he said.

I could hear him smiling again and it made me smile. I wished I could see him smile. I sunk down in my chair a little and let out a sigh. I was falling so fast it seemed impossible to catch something and stop. I had nothing to catch and hold onto—not that I really wanted to. My heart had ever ounce of faith that Jeremy would catch me and love me in return, but my head was screaming otherwise. It made no rational sense to fall in love like this. Jeremy and I didn't even live in the same country and we hardly saw each other—that was not a good building block for a relationship.

"I have to get going Addy," he said. "I'll talk to you later this week?"

"Sure," I said putting down my fork and pulling my feet up onto the chair so my knees were against my chest. "Please, try and come next weekend for Benjamin's birthday?"

"Of course I'll try," he said. "Be good darling."

"Only for you."

He laughed a little and bid me good night. I returned the sentiment and hung up my phone, placing it on my kitchen table next to the pile of work I had to do tonight. It was folders of papers to sign, agreements to co-sign, and legislation to approve or support. I decided that evening that I didn't really like my job. It was boring and I didn't really get to do any type of criminal justice work that I hoped to. I had wanted to be a criminal profiler when I graduated…what had happened to that dream?

Life had happened, I answered my own question.

Frowning deeply, I closed the file folders and got up from the table. I went straight to bed and collapsed onto the sheets in my clothes. I needed a change and I needed it desperately.

* * *

"Hey," said Benjamin walking into my office. He didn't knock on the door as it was open and I looked up at him with some surprise.

"Your Majesty," I said bowing my head. He closed the door to my office and looked at me with a frank smile.

"Addison, please we've known each other since you were born, you can call me Benjamin," he said standing before my desk. I folded my hands and looked up at him.

"Was something the matter, Benjamin?" I asked softly. We hadn't spoken in a personal manner since we were in England and I had stumbled across him with Lady Marie.

"I wanted to apologize first of all," he said slowly. "You shouldn't have seen me in the manner you did in London. It was inappropriate of me to answer the door like that."

I raised my eyebrows at him.

"I've seen far more of you, your Majesty, really it's nothing to worry about."

"Addison," he said very seriously. "I know what you think of me—"

"Do you?" I questioned.

He looked at me sharply and sat down in the chair across from me.

"You think I'm a sex-crazed man who is so desperate he will go to his ex-fiancée who cheated on him to get some," he said. "But that's not who I am and I don't want you to think that."

"That's not what I was thinking," I said softly. He looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"Then what were you thinking?"

"That you're sexually frustrated so you called the only person you knew in London who would have sex with you."

He smiled a little. "I see no difference in what you said and what I said."

I nodded my head.

"I made it sound nicer," I whispered. His smile faded a little.

"Marie and I are trying to work things out."

I was surprised by this—but I honestly didn't care. "That's great, Benjamin. I hope things work out and she doesn't drain you of all your money."

"That's not fair."

I blinked at him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I wasn't allowed to state my opinion of her," I whispered. I sighed and looked at him very seriously. "When we were in London you told me that I'm still your best friend and you turn to me for advice and opinion."

"Yes," he nodded.

"Well then as your friend Benjamin," I said. "I don't understand why you're screwing the woman who cheated on you and openly admitted to me that she had you wrapped around her finger. I don't understand why or how you can even look at her and invite her into your hotel room. I think it's wrong of you, and you're lucky the press never got a hold of it because if they had then you would have been seen as the playboy King…and that's not what you need."

"You sound like my Mother," he said restlessly.

"I'm trying to be your friend," I said back crossly. "I don't think we can even be that anymore."

There was a silence in the office between us and he place a piece of paper on my desk. It was my letter of resignation that I had sent to him that morning. Was this what he had really come to talk about?

"Are you resigning because of me?" he asked.

I said nothing and stared at him for a few seconds. Was it really because of Benjamin, or was it because I felt I needed some change in my life? Was it because of Jeremy? Was he the change that I wanted and needed?

I blinked.

"No," I said.

"What happened to us, Addison? We used to be the best of friends. We trusted each other and no one else…we were each other's worlds."

"I woke up," I whispered. "I woke up and faced life, and frankly Benjamin I don't know if you've woken up yet."

He was frowning at me, and I felt like I should say something but there was nothing more to say. He was still living in the past where I was wrapped around him, in love with him…and he wanted to be lost in that past.

"You love him," he whispered. "Don't you?"

I blinked with confusion for a moment. When I realized he was referring to Jeremy I felt my cheeks flush a little.

"Yes," I whispered smiling. "I do."

"Then he is a lucky man," said Benjamin standing up. "I'll have to tell him never to let you go when he's here on Saturday."

I didn't say anything as Benjamin headed for the door.

"I signed your resignation," he whispered. "But don't think you can just walk out of my life Addison. You're still my best friend."

I smiled a little. "Of course you're Majesty."

He smiled at me and left my office in the silence. I folded my hands and looked up at the ceiling of my office. Thank god that had gone well. I had been dreading his reaction to my resignation since I had put it on his desk that morning when he was in a meeting. I didn't know what I was going to do now, but it didn't matter. I felt free and that's all I needed at that point in my life. This was the right thing to do.

The next few days I spent finishing up all the work I needed to, tying up lose ends, and leaving things ready for the next poor soul who was taking my job. I didn't see Benjamin through any of it. He had to go to France for some business, and thankfully did not ask me to come with him. He didn't come back to Genovia until late Friday night, of course giving me not choice but to attend his party to say good bye. I hadn't told anyone (not even Jeremy) this, but I was moving to London where I had applied and received a job at MI5 as a criminal profiler. I was more then excited to be doing what I had went to school to do.

* * *

My phone was ringing obnoxiously from somewhere on my nightstand. I put my hand out from under my sheets and felt the cold air on it; I searched for the ringing phone with only my hand, following the sound and somewhat remembering where I had left it last night. When I finally found it, I pulled it under the sheets to my head and pushed the talk button.

"Hello?" I asked in a groggy voice.

"Good morning," said Jeremy. He sounded happier then I had heard him in days. "I can tell I woke you."

"It's alright," I sighed rolling over and stretching. "Why are you calling so earlier?"

"I thought I could come by and see your flat," he said slowly. "Since I have yet to see it."

I sat up and smiled. He hadn't told me he was coming to Genovia for the weekend, I only knew because Benjamin had said so. I knew that Jeremy was hoping to surprise me and I didn't want to ruin it. I liked it when he surprised me—his charming ways were romantic and it made my heart flutter to think that he wanted to romance me.

"Where are you now?"

"Main street," he said.

"See the green building," I whispered getting out of bed.

"There are a few of them, Addy."

I smiled and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I looked myself over in the mirror and decided I was acceptable.

"I'm in the loft over the bread shop," I said putting toothpaste on the brush. I began to brush my teeth.

"Ah, I see it," he said. "Will you let me up?"

"No," I joked.

He laughed and I heard my buzzer go off.

"Alright, I'm coming," I said and hung up the phone. I brushed my teeth as I went to the door and buzzed down, unlocking the door so he could get in. I could hear him coming up the steps to my flat door; I unlocked it and rushed back into the bathroom to finish brushing my teeth. He knocked on the door and I yelled that it was open.

I could hear him come in and I'm sure he was surprised to see nearly everything packed up in my loft. Amongst my furniture was boxes and boxes of belongs. My bedroom was over flowing with boxes of clothes, shoes, books, and movies from my shelves. The only thing I hadn't finished packing was my kitchen things.

"Addison?"

"Yea," I said coming into the living room. I saw him and beamed. He looked handsome, dressed in jeans, a red long sleeve thermal, grey zip up sweatshirt and a jean jacket. He smiled at me and I moved to him. We embraced tightly, his hands and arms holding me so close and tight like he was afraid he wouldn't be able to hold me again. His finger tips grazed over my lower back and to my hips as he stood back and looked at me. I stared up at him with my arms wrapped over his shoulders and smiled. He smiled in return then kissed me softly.

"You look amazing," he whispered then kissed my neck tenderly.

"So do you," I giggled as he tickled me. He stood up straight and looked around the loft.

"So, this is your flat?" he said. "You still haven't unpacked?"

"Oh no," I said looking around the mess of boxes. "I'm moving."

He looked at me very seriously.

"Oh really?"

"Yep. I got a job across seas," I smiled and crossed my arms over my chest. "I can't handle working here anymore, I need to get out and do what I wanted to do since I graduated."

"Profiling?"

I nodded. He looked nervous for a few seconds and I knew he was thinking that I was moving back to New York, or even farther away from him.

"Where are you moving to?"

"I found a nice little flat in north London," I said. "I'm working for MI5."

Jeremy smiled at me.

"You're not moving out there because of a stupid boy, are you?" he asked tucking my hair behind my ear.

"No," I said pushing his hand away. "Didn't I just tell you I got a job with MI5?"

He laughed a little.

"Yes," he said grabbing my waist and holding me close. "And congratulations. That's a hard place to get a job."

"Well it didn't happen over night," I said smiling. "I applied back before I came to visit you in London."

"And how does your old boss feel about your new job?"

I frowned slightly. "He doesn't know. He hasn't asked."

Jeremy looked at me closely, tilting my chin up to look him in the face. He was studying me with those dark eyes and I hated when he did it.

"You're disappointed that he doesn't seem to care."

"Only because he's my friend Jeremy," I said pulling out of his arms. I turned and walked into my bedroom. He followed me slowly. "Take off your jacket, stay awhile."

He took it off and threw it on a chair that sat in the corner of my room.

"What are you wearing tonight?" he asked looking me over as I made the bed.

"I don't know, why?"

"It's a black tie affair, Addy," he whispered behind me. "And I know how much you love dressing up."

"Oh, shut up," I said as he sat on the bed. He grabbed me and pulled me down on top of him with a charming smile that melted my heart (and my knees). If he hadn't pulled me down on him, I would have fallen.

He kissed my neck softly. "Let's go get you a dress."

"What?" I said looking down at him.

"I can see you don't have any black tie dresses," he said looking into the closet that only had my dresses hanging in it. He was right; I didn't have any black tie event dresses. They were all sun dresses and not nearly fancy enough to wear to the King's birthday party.

"I'm not going to let you buy me a dress," I said sitting up and getting out of the bed.

"I didn't say I was going to buy it," he laughed holding onto my hand. He sat up and pulled me to stand in front of him. "Come on…I'll buy you lunch."

I smiled down at him as he kissed my torso and ran his fingers over my bare thighs.

"I think you're getting the better end of the deal," I said turning away from him and going to my dresser that still had my under garments in it. I looked through them until I found hot pink panties and matching bra.

"How so?"

"You get to see me try on all these expensive amazing dresses, and only spend thirty bucks—if that," I said pushing off my underwear and taking off my shirt. He was watching me with careful smiling eyes. "I however have to try on all these dresses—which is painful and annoying—and then shell out four hundred or five hundred dollars for a dress that I'll wear once."

"Who knows maybe you'll go to lots of parties for MI5," he said as I slipped on my underwear.

"You can't wear the same dress to all the parties, Jeremy."

I put my bra on and then walked to a box of clothing to find a cranberry sweater and dark skinny jeans. I dressed in them, and pulled on a dark olive green hooded vest. Jeremy put his coat back on as I pulled on my brown boots, and within five minutes we were dressed and ready to go.

"I'll buy you an expensive lunch," he said once we were outside in the cold air. "If that will make you feel better."

"Not really," I said smiling at him.

We walked down the streets and headed to the only dress shop in town. It was one of the fanciest boutiques in Genovia, and usually designed all of the royal gowns for any occasion. I was quite sure that this is the shop where Benjamin got the dress for me to where at the engagement party many months ago.

I can not tell you the number of dresses that I tried on—some out of pure amusement, others because I seriously wanted to see if they looked good. Jeremy and I both got some good laughs out of a few of the dresses I put on. One, was a gorgeous looking yellow gown that made me feel like Belle from _Beauty and The Beast_. It was over extravagant and made me feel unworthy of wearing it.

I looked at myself in the mirror as I wore a tight, silky blue, cocktail dress. It looked very good on me, and complicated my shape and legs. Jeremy was set on that one. I turned to him.

"You just like it because it's so sexy."

"You make it sexy," he corrected me. I smiled at him.

"I think it's too much," I whispered. "I don't want to attract that much attention."

"Why not? Make Benjamin want you even more."

"I don't want to do that," I said sharply. Jeremy shrugged and drank from the cup of tea the boutique had provided him.

"How about that one, have you tried it on yet?"

I looked to the dress he was pointing at. It was a long emerald green dress with a full skirt, a drop waist style and embroidery all over the bodice. I looked at it.

"I think that's a little much," I whispered.

"Why don't you try it on?"

I shrugged and picked it up off the rack and took it into the dressing room. Once it was on I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled, I liked this one.

"Do you need help zipping it?" he asked from outside the dressing room.

"No," I said opening the door. I stepped out and he smiled at me. "What do you think?"

"I love it," he said. He paused as if trying to find the right words. "It's…well it's…wow Addy." I smiled at his reaction—I had made him a babbling idiot.

I came to him and kissed his chin. "See, I knew I could make you a babbling idiot."

He smiled and kissed my forehead.

"Have you made a decision?" asked the sales woman coming forward with a smile. "That one is gorgeous. Should I box it up for you?"

"Yes," said Jeremy looking down at me. "You want this one?"

I looked back at the mirror. "Are you sure it's not too much?"

"I think it's perfect for the occasion," he said.

I nodded and smiled. "I'll take it. Just let me change and then I'll get you my card."

I went back into the dressing room and started to change into my street clothes quickly.

"Hand me the dress," said Jeremy putting his hand over the door. I opened it and handed it to him. He smiled at me as I was only in my bra and underwear. I closed the door once he had the dress and finished changing. When I came out the dress was already in a box, and tied shut. It sat on the chair next to Jeremy. He stood up and picked it up when he saw me. "Ready, then?"

"I have to pay first," I said looking at him like he was crazy. He coughed.

"I paid already," he said. I stopped and looked at him sharply.

"What?"

"I paid for the dress," he said. "You were right I was cheating you out a deal. You owe me lunch." He kissed my cheek and took my hand, leading me out of the dress shop.

Jeremy and I spent the whole day together. It wasn't until about four o'clock that he told me Benjamin was expecting at the palace at five.

"Jeremy, I need longer then an hour to get ready!" I snapped jumping up off the couch after he told me that. He laughed a little as I went into the bathroom and began a shower.

"Well, when are you expected there?" he asked.

"Not until six thirty," I said as he leaned in the door frame of the bathroom. I was undoing my hair and getting ready to get in the shower. I looked at him with a smile. "Excuse me, I'm going to shower." I began to push him out of the bathroom, but he pushed me back in and closed the door with his foot, kissing me deeply.

"I can be a little late," he said picking me up. I smiled and wrapped my legs around him, kissing him deeply. He drove me absolutely mad and I think that's why I was so in love with him—not matter what he did he always made me happy, and he never made me cry. That was important. He was the one worth crying over and I never had to. I smiled against his lips and rubbed my hands up his torso. He pulled away a little.

"What?" he asked smiling and undoing my pants.

"Nothing," I whispered. "I just," I stopped and looked up at him. He stopped too and looked at me very seriously.

"I know," he said smiling. He bent his head down and kissed me deeply, cupping my cheeks and passionately filled my mouth with his love. I smiled at him and undid his belt. We made love on the bathroom floor, never making it to the shower. The room filled with steam and before I knew it we were both running very late.

It was seven o'clock when I arrived at the palace. Jeremy had left my flat before me, as he was staying at the palace and his tuxedo was there. Thomas, of all people, was the one to greet me at the door. All the other guest were set to arrive in an hour, so I still had time to see Benjamin and make my present known. I, unlike Jeremy, was only a half hour late which was comforting to me.

"Hi," I said hugging my biological Father. He kissed my cheek and took my black dress coat from me. He smiled at me.

"You look amazing."

"Thank you," I said. "His Majesty wanted to see me before the other guest arrived?"

"Yes," Thomas nodded. "He's up in his study I believe."

I nodded. "Thank you."

I moved by him slowly with out saying anything else and headed for the stairs. It was harder to get up them then it looked, I had to hold my skirt up high. When I finally reached the Royal Study I went to knock but noticed that the door was open a little. I stopped when I heard Benjamin's voice say my name.

"What are your intentions with Addy?" he said.

"I don't really think that's any of your business, Ben," said Jeremy's voice. My breath caught in my throat and I stood up straight, ease dropping on the conversation. "Who do you think you are? Her bloody brother?"

"I might as well be," said Benjamin sharply. "I'm all she has now."

"She has Thomas, and her friends, and me," said Jeremy. "You just want to be the only thing she has left so she comes running to you whenever she needs someone or something."

"What do you know about it?"

"Ben," said Jeremy very seriously. "My intentions with Addison are romantic and personal. I care about her a great deal—"

"But you don't love her."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to," said Benjamin. "You don't fall in love. You're playing her like you've played every other woman."

"And you didn't?" said Jeremy sharply. "My relationship with Addison isn't any of your business, and if that's the only reason you called me up here then you're lying through your teeth when you say that you're not jealous of what I have with her."

"Will you two please stop," I said walking into the study.

"Addison," said Benjamin with surprised eyes. Jeremy looked at me and gave me a weak smile. He placed the empty scotch glass he was holding on the desk and faced me with his hands in his pockets. He looked so handsome in his tuxedo. "You should have made yourself known."

"Forgive me," I said stepping forward. My heels clicked against the wooden floor of the study. "But you two need to stop it. You're tearing me apart."

"I'm sorry," said Jeremy.

"I was just watching out for you," said Benjamin. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"Jeremy won't hurt me," I said back to Benjamin sharply. I was angry with him. Who did he think he was to say he was protecting me? He had hurt me worse then any other man I had ever known. "Jeremy," I said looking at him. "Will you excuse us please?"

"Of course," he said. He walked to me, and touched my elbow, leaning close to my ear. "You look amazing," he whispered. His breath on my skin made shivers swarm through my body and my knees buckle a little. I smiled at him and bowed my head with thanks. He bowed to Benjamin and exited the study.

"Was that necessary?" Benjamin said referring to how Jeremy touched me and whispered in my ear.

"We love each other Benjamin," I said very seriously.

"Jeremy doesn't love specific women, he loves all of them," said Benjamin leaning against his desk. His tie wasn't tied or his suit coat on. He looked just as handsome as he always did, with dark hair and eyes. His posture made him look dangerous and strong, and in the past I would have wanted to be melded against his body…but now I wanted to be rid of him. "Like I said I'm just watching out for you."

"I'm not yours to protect, Benjamin," I said sharply.

"Does he make you laugh?" Benjamin asked slowly.

"Yes," I whispered. I crossed my arms over my chest. I wasn't sure where he was going with this.

"How does he make you feel when you're alone? Like you're the only woman that ever mattered to him…like there is no one else? I bet you get butterflies in your stomach, and you melt against him."

"And if I do?"

"Makes you no different then any other woman he's ever fucked," he said bluntly. I wanted to smack him. I clenched my fist while my arms were still crossed and bit the inside of my cheek to not scream. "Does he make you feel the same way I did?"

"No," I said shortly. "He makes me feel better—worth more then anything in this world."

This seemed to be a low blow to Benjamin. He stood up straight and dropped his hands to his side in a helpless manner.

"Best of all, he doesn't make me cry," I said. "Good bye, Benjamin."

I turned and headed for the door, but Benjamin caught up to me. He grabbed my arm just as I exited the study, and we stood in the hall—I glared up at him so harshly I hoped I'd melt a hole through his face, but no such luck.

"You would really choose him?" he said.

I pried my arm from his grasp. Hadn't he asked me this before?

"Yes," I said seriously. I looked at Benjamin very sadly; what had happened to him? He had changed so much in the last years, especially the last months. I felt like I didn't even know him anymore. "Happy birthday you're Majesty. I hope you enjoy your party."

I turned and walked away down the hall. I was a little surprised to see Jeremy standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me. He looked at me very seriously as I wiped tears off my cheeks.

"Did he hurt you?" he whispered looking at me very seriously.

"No," I said shaking my head. I looked at my hands and let out a sigh. "I've just realized that I've lost him, even as a friend…he's just not the same anymore."

"He hasn't been the man you thought he was for some time," said Jeremy wisely.

"Forgive me," I said putting my hand on his chest. "But I can't stay here. I have to leave now."

Jeremy nodded in understanding. "I'll stay for a bit and come by your flat when I'm done?"

I nodded.

"That sounds alright."

He lifted my chin and looked at me with that dark glowing smile.

"You really do look beautiful tonight," he said. I smiled at him in return and stood on my toes to kiss his lips. It was a soft delicate kiss that lasted only a few seconds.

"I'll see you back at the flat," I whispered. I turned and walked to the front hall, where Thomas was standing talking with another security guard. He looked at me and his smile faded to a frown seeing that I looked flustered and angry.

"Everything alright?" he asked.

I stopped and took his hands. "It will be. Thomas, Father," It was weird to call him that, but at the same time it felt right. In truth, he had always been the man I looked up to—he was my Father figure, and for him to really be my Father made since to me. "I'm moving to London next week. I've taken a job with MI5. You'll come and visit me, won't you?"

He smiled at me and kissed my cheek.

"When I can, of course," he said.

I smiled and squeezed his hands. "Good. I'll call you later this week."

"You're not staying for the party?"

"No," I shook my head. "I can't."

Thomas nodded slowly. "Have a safe trip then, and I'll talk to you later."

"Alright," I smiled and kissed his cheek good bye. "Have fun tonight."

He nodded, saying he would try, and ushered me outside to my car. The driver took off and I was lost in the night. I watched as the dark fields and estates passed by, and wondered if everything was right in my life. I didn't feel particularly good—I felt like I had just lost a piece of me; Benjamin had been my best friend for so long it was hard to think of not having him in my life at all…but then again, I had survived college with out him. But despite the sadness that was in me I felt relief and freedom. I wouldn't have to worry about him being unpredictable, arrogant or mean; I didn't have to worry about him hurting me or making moves on me; and I didn't have to walk on glass anymore. He was out of a major part of my life. I would probably only see him when I came back to Genovia to visit Thomas.

I leaned my head against the car window and smiled lightly. It wasn't happily ever after, but it didn't matter. I hadn't reached the end of my life. I still had many years to experience it, and that's all I wanted to do: Live—whether it be happy or sad, hard or easy, depressing or exhilarating. Either way I was going to live to the fullest and share it with the people closest in my life. My Mother would have wanted me to move on and find something real—and I think I had with Jeremy. I thought we had great potential to last a long time and I was excited to find out—it didn't matter if we lived happily ever after…as long as we could look back and say we lived.

Fin.


End file.
